I genuinely feel like I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m frightened and I’m struggling to cope.
I’m a 34 year old female.
BMI 32, I have psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis and mild asthma.
I was diagnosed many years ago, and since being diagnosed there have been several periods where I don’t take inhalers at all. I’m currently taking them again due to the ongoing pandemic.
I live with my husband he’s working from home.
We don’t leave the house unless it’s to use click and collect service for our shopping, but we get deliveries where we can.
I feel like I’m doing everything I can to avoid getting the virus but yet from the minute I wake up to the minute I go back to sleep, I’m in complete panic that I’ve caught it.
I literally cannot think of anything else.
I take my temperature several times a day, I’m worried I’ve got a cough or will develop one. Any slight throat tickle, body ache, or even feeling tired all just send me into a frenzy.
Every single day I feel like I have the biggest darkest cloud just looming over me.
I just cannot pick myself up from this.
I have a lovely group of friends and most weeks we have a girls night in. We do this over zoom and all make the effort to get ourselves glammed up, have a glass of wine and chat.
I’m starting to not even enjoy those, the girls all talk about future plans and things they’re excited about doing again, but i struggle to joint in as I don’t see a future for myself. I just feel like it’s a matter of time until my time is up.
I went for a walk a few days ago and as I came to the railway bridge I suddenly thought how easy it would be to jump, to end all of this constant worry and fear.
It frightened me so much as I’ve never ever felt like that before.
I’ve spoken to a Dr and they’ve suggested anti depressants and referred me for some counselling.
But that’s only going to help me come to terms with things. I’ve got to just learn to live like this haven’t I.
But how can I? It feels like complete and utter torture spending my days the way I do.
The days are just too hard. I’m driving myself, and my husband insane with my constant fear, crying and panic.
I know there will be a lot of people who are worried right now, I’m not alone.
But please please someone tell me how you manage?
I don’t see any point to my life right now.
I see no future.
I’ve stopped getting dressed and my days are just spend in my Pjs on the sofa waiting for symptoms to start and preparing to die. :(
Please someone tell me how to get over this, because I honestly don’t think I ever can or will.
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Please, Please help me. I don’t know what to do :(
114 replies
GabyAby84 · 09/05/2020 08:36
OP posts:
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