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Please, Please help me. I don’t know what to do :(

(115 Posts)
GabyAby84 Sat 09-May-20 08:36:07

I genuinely feel like I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m frightened and I’m struggling to cope.

I’m a 34 year old female.
BMI 32, I have psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis and mild asthma.
I was diagnosed many years ago, and since being diagnosed there have been several periods where I don’t take inhalers at all. I’m currently taking them again due to the ongoing pandemic.

I live with my husband he’s working from home.

We don’t leave the house unless it’s to use click and collect service for our shopping, but we get deliveries where we can.

I feel like I’m doing everything I can to avoid getting the virus but yet from the minute I wake up to the minute I go back to sleep, I’m in complete panic that I’ve caught it.

I literally cannot think of anything else.
I take my temperature several times a day, I’m worried I’ve got a cough or will develop one. Any slight throat tickle, body ache, or even feeling tired all just send me into a frenzy.

Every single day I feel like I have the biggest darkest cloud just looming over me.

I just cannot pick myself up from this.

I have a lovely group of friends and most weeks we have a girls night in. We do this over zoom and all make the effort to get ourselves glammed up, have a glass of wine and chat.

I’m starting to not even enjoy those, the girls all talk about future plans and things they’re excited about doing again, but i struggle to joint in as I don’t see a future for myself. I just feel like it’s a matter of time until my time is up.

I went for a walk a few days ago and as I came to the railway bridge I suddenly thought how easy it would be to jump, to end all of this constant worry and fear.

It frightened me so much as I’ve never ever felt like that before.

I’ve spoken to a Dr and they’ve suggested anti depressants and referred me for some counselling.

But that’s only going to help me come to terms with things. I’ve got to just learn to live like this haven’t I.
But how can I? It feels like complete and utter torture spending my days the way I do.

The days are just too hard. I’m driving myself, and my husband insane with my constant fear, crying and panic.

I know there will be a lot of people who are worried right now, I’m not alone.
But please please someone tell me how you manage?

I don’t see any point to my life right now.
I see no future.

I’ve stopped getting dressed and my days are just spend in my Pjs on the sofa waiting for symptoms to start and preparing to die. sad

Please someone tell me how to get over this, because I honestly don’t think I ever can or will.

OP’s posts: |
Hagisonthehill Sat 09-May-20 08:41:11

Go back to your gp,take the treatment on offer.At the moment you're spiralling and this help should stop this so that you feel a little less helpless.
There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

Lumene Sat 09-May-20 08:44:04

Sorry to hear this OP. Keeping calm will help your immunity, so definitely talk to your GP if you find you can’t relax properly. Meditation, exercise, distracting books/video games/tv all good too.

Lumene Sat 09-May-20 08:44:44

Also if needed do ring the Samaritans.

milienhaus Sat 09-May-20 08:45:32

The anti depressants won’t just help you come to terms with it, they will also help you live with it. You will feel a lot less worried and anxious. I think you probably know really that you’re more worried about this than you need to be. Please seek the help your doctor is offering.

SandysMam Sat 09-May-20 08:47:35

Bless you, it sounds like the fear is worse than if you get the actual virus. I don’t think you are suicidal as you clearly want to live, I think the bridge thing is because you are trying to take back control which you feel you have lost. You need to try to focus on mindfulness, literally focusing on the here and now. There are loads of techniques on line and the Mind website has some good resources.
Your fight and flight has gone into over drive because of this, and you are terrified of something that might not be that bad. You are still more likely to die driving to collect your click and collect but we are not bombarded with that on the news!
Stay off the news, stay off mumsnet (worse than anywhere for Corona hysteria if you ask me!) and focus on little things you enjoy and the immediate future. Take care of yourself and keep speaking to the GP.
100% of people who don’t get Covid will die, you cannot prep or worry about every which way that might happen.

SqidgeBum Sat 09-May-20 08:48:37

I agree with PP. Get the treatment, take everything you are offered. You have got yourself in a mental rut. These fears are just fears in that the chances of them coming true are minimal, but your fixation on them has made them feel real. You need someone to help you realign things. You do have a future. Your death, by this virus at least, is far from inevitable looking at your health condition. You are more likely to die of a million other illnesses that exist.

Take the counselling.

Figgygal Sat 09-May-20 08:48:41

You poor thing this is all overwhelming but it will end
Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine Sat 09-May-20 08:48:54

Do you have a job op?
can you do something useful, ? sew, cook, bake?
exercise, inside the house and out?

SandysMam Sat 09-May-20 08:50:41

And set yourself a daily routine. Up by set time, shower every day (whether you need it or not!), meals at set times, activity at set times. Human beings thrive on routine, it is essential for well being.

bobstersmum Sat 09-May-20 08:52:20

You need help ASAP! It is not normal to feel like this, these intrusive thoughts are literally going to kill you, please take the antidepressants and speak to your family. You are not going to die.

GabyAby84 Sat 09-May-20 08:53:19

@CrowdedHouseinQuarantine I’ve tried taking up several hobbies but I genuinely struggle to Concentrate or focus on anything other than this fear.

I seem to have lost interest in most things sad

OP’s posts: |
Babdoc Sat 09-May-20 08:57:07

I agree with the PPs - you need to return to your GP and start treatment. You have severe health anxiety and are becoming depressed. These can be treated and you will feel much happier, more in control, and able to live your life.
The pandemic is not going to last forever, either. Vaccine trials have already started and they’ve begun mass production in advance, in the hope that it will prove to be effective.
You have nothing to lose by starting treatment for your anxiety, and everything to gain.
Antidepressants take a while to work, and you might need a small dose of an anxiolytic like diazepam until they kick in.
Finally, may I say that your additional risk factors for Covid are all very mild ones. You are not morbidly obese, your asthma is mild, etc. You are also female - the majority of Covid patients who need ITU are male. I’m also assuming that you are not over 80 years of age, and therefore your risk is actually pretty small!
Once you are on treatment, OP, your fears will settle and you will have a more realistic view of things.

Dollywilde Sat 09-May-20 08:57:20

This is how the antidepressants will work - they don’t fix the feeling but what they do is lessen the grip of the obsession and help with the focusing, so that you then have the mental ‘space’ to fix it yourself, be that through hobbies, mindfulness, counselling or a combination of the above.

Anxiety is hell - I’ve been suicidal with it before - but it can change and it doesn’t have to be that you feel this way forever (even though I know it feels like it!)

Spamellahamella Sat 09-May-20 08:58:12

You will get over this Aby. Everything passes eventually. You've written really clearly and it does sound like you are having a mental health crisis which is why your feelings and reactions to the virus have spiralled out of proportion. I would strongly recommend going back to the doctor to get some help. Wishing you all the very best flowers

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine Sat 09-May-20 09:03:51

You do need to talk to someone op i think. These feelings are quite natural in a pandemic but you need to have other things to concentrate on. do you have any jigsaw puzzles?

Wigglegiggle0520 Sat 09-May-20 09:04:40

As everyone else has said please go back to the GP and take the treatment offered. Also read ‘depressive illness the curse of the strong’ by Tim cantopher. It explains how anti depressants work. It’s a brilliant book.
You can’t deal with anything at the moment because you are so anxious. Medication will help you focus again and you can look at why you’re so concerned.
flowers it’s a horrible way to feel

GabyAby84 Sat 09-May-20 09:06:15

The Dr gave me the prescription so I just have to get the medication which I’m going to do as I so desperately need something to stop me from feeling this way.

I just honestly don’t ever see how i will overcome this and i need some help learning to accept this new way of life sad

OP’s posts: |
Biscuit0110 Sat 09-May-20 09:11:18

Call your GP

The coronavirus is very upsetting for all of us, but your anxiety and reaction to it are very extreme. You need some support and help urgently. I am sure once you have started some treatment, you will feel better. flowers for you, really hard to live with such overwhelming feelings. Just one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.

It will pass, like everything else.

changechange Sat 09-May-20 09:13:04

Honestly I think you've got depression and anxiety and there is no reason why the medication shouldn't work to treat all of this.

Get the medication, take it. It might take a few weeks to work. In the meantime get back into a routine. Shower and dress every day like you used to. Book activities into your day (whether you enjoy them or not, that's not the point, staying active and having a routine is the point)

It will get better

Pinksmyfavoritecolour Sat 09-May-20 09:14:13

Get the antidepressants, they will take the edge off your overthinking and calm you. The worst thing you can do is stay in your pyjamas all day, the less you do the less you’ll want to do. Have a shower, and get dressed like you are off to Tesco, take a small walk with headphones in and some music to distract yourself maybe? Break your day into small sections, housework, gardening, reading, cooking, chat with friends. And don’t watch or read the news more than once a day, I’ve had to do this to stop the catastrophic thinking. Be kind to yourself like you would be to a friend, one day at a time if you repeat this you will feel the dark cloud lift xx

QuestionMarkNow Sat 09-May-20 09:15:34

You need to go back to your GP ASAP.
The ADs are not going to just ‘help you get over it’. The idea is that the ADs and the counselling will help you stop feeling suicidal. Clearly whatever you are taking isn’t working (or is it too early for them to have fully worked yet?).
And you certainly will not have to live the rest of your life like this. You are ill with anxiety and suicidal thoughts. There is no reason why you won’t recover from it!!

Please contact your GP and the Samaritans over the weekend.

AygoHomeNow Sat 09-May-20 09:16:02

I felt exactly like you a few years ago - proper heart thumping fear all day long about a health condition.

Take the medication. Today. It will change your life. You won't believe me but in a couple of weeks - maybe sooner - you will feel so, so much better. It's the best decision I ever made.

Buzzfrightyears Sat 09-May-20 09:17:18

I feel exactly the same flowers

Take the antidepressants as they do help. I’ve been on them 6 weeks now.

Good luck x

eaglejulesk Sat 09-May-20 09:18:02

Please get your medication and start taking it - hopefully it will help you be able to cope better. Do try and get into some sort of routine, get dressed every day and please keep in contact with your friends. It will get better, and this time won't last forever. Take care flowers

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