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Looking after sisters children

(27 Posts)
MmmmWine Tue 05-May-20 11:19:54

I just wanted a bit of advice before I take this any further.
Does anybody know the rules regarding looking after family member's children in exceptional circumstances?

My sister has 4 month old twins, born 6 weeks early and still waking multiple times a night (and a 3 year old!)
She is seriously struggling and I am very worried for her mental health.
Her husband is still going to work - key worker.
He is at breaking point too but is doing as much of the night shift as possible so she can get some sleep.

I am seriously worried about her.
She is not coping and is very upset when we talk.

I know this is likely to be against 'the rules' but would I be able to help by taking the twins overnight for her to give her a break and the chance to get some sleep?
My husband and I have been furloughed and haven't left the house for weeks (except for walks where we see no-one)
I know there will still be risks of us potentially having CV due to shopping deliveries we've been receiving but I'd like to think our risk to exposure has been minimal.

Please don't slate me if this is a complete NO smile

OP’s posts: |
chocolateisavegetable Tue 05-May-20 11:26:18

Do it. Absolutely do it.

MyMagicStars Tue 05-May-20 11:26:47

Do it.

MyMagicStars Tue 05-May-20 11:27:23

Also, kindness is lovely to see at this time. Lucky sister and lucky nieces/nephews to have someone like you. Xxx

espressoontap Tue 05-May-20 11:27:38

Do it. Tonight! You sound wonderful

Windyatthebeach Tue 05-May-20 11:29:01

Were you planning to stay at her house to help? Not sure taking them actually away will help her mh..

Juanmorebeer Tue 05-May-20 11:29:08

Yes definitely fine. Would come under helping a vulnerable person. You are a good sister

Boringnamechanging Tue 05-May-20 11:29:29

If anything the risk is more to your family surely as Bil is still working. But I'd do it myself.

MmmmWine Tue 05-May-20 11:31:13

@Windyatthebeach No I wasn't planning at staying at hers.
I was going to take them to mine. She wouldn't be able to sleep as she would still hear them?

OP’s posts: |
Mrsjayy Tue 05-May-20 11:32:57

You can help out in caring circumstances (this would fall under that banner ,help her out the risk outweighs everything imo.

Mrsjayy Tue 05-May-20 11:36:13

The risk of your Sisters health* is what I meant.

IGottaGetOuttaThisPlace Tue 05-May-20 11:56:46

I would do it

inwood Tue 05-May-20 11:59:40

Are the twins healthy? Did they have any breathing issues / cpap / vent at delivery?

BornOnThe4thJuly Tue 05-May-20 12:02:15

You’re still allowed to carry out caring duties, which this definitely comes under. She’s very lucky to have such a kind sister!

PineappleDanish Tue 05-May-20 12:04:57

Another one saying do it. Or even consider moving her and the babies in with you for a week to support her. She sounds like she's really struggling.

Wigglegiggle0520 Tue 05-May-20 12:06:31

Yes do it. I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Your poor poor sister I cannot imagine how she is managing.
Could you move in with her for a while?

MmmmWine Tue 05-May-20 12:29:54

@inwood they are perfectly healthy. Just don't like to sleep! When one is asleep the other is awake!
@PineappleDanish we have the room but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want the upheaval for the 3 year old - I will ask though.

OP’s posts: |
MmmmWine Tue 05-May-20 12:31:58

@Wigglegiggle0520 she doesn't have the room

I'm pretty sure if I could just take them off her for a night whenever she needs me to so she can sleep she will feel a lot better! The 3 year old sleeps like a dream or I'd have him too.

OP’s posts: |
PotteringAlong Tue 05-May-20 12:33:39

Don’t be surprised if she says no - 4 months old is very young to spend the night away from her and might cause her a sleepless night anyway. She might be more receptive to you having all 3 for the day.

Wigglegiggle0520 Tue 05-May-20 12:37:15

I just imagine juggling the newborns and entertaining a 3 year old all day is soul destroying on your own. She could probably use some adult conversation while husband is at work. But at least having them overnight would give her some much needed rest flowers

Mrsjayy Tue 05-May-20 12:38:32

A family member of mine had twins and a 2 year old it was chaos and that was with us going in and out helping during the day, your poor Sister will really be feeling the strain.

MyMagicStars Tue 05-May-20 12:45:47

As a twin mum, one with older kids already, it did get a lot better after the first few months, and they were good toddlers as they entertained one another quite a lot. My big boys used to help and we used to put them in different outfits and clearly colour code them to keep confusion from bottles, etc (my girls were identical though!) which was very helpful. Dim lighting was our best friend, we kept it on all night so that we could just slip in to get the upset one without waking up her sister. Our changing table was on the landing with a big comfy armchair next to it which was fab for us so we could do everyrthing from there, including homework with the big kids during feeds.

MmmmWine Tue 05-May-20 18:35:37

Thank you all!
She was very grateful for the offer and I’m going to pick them up tomorrow afternoon! Will have them overnight and as long as she needs me to the next day so she can have a well-earned rest smile

Wish me luck!

OP’s posts: |
AnneShirleysNewDress Tue 05-May-20 18:40:05

Well done @Mmmmwine and good luck 😁

Love2Queue Tue 05-May-20 19:16:32

Do it. My dad regularly had my ds overnight from 2m old. Did me the world of good.. That was nr 15 yrs ago.
Dd was prob 5m when she stayed overnight she's now 2 and until lockdown stayed once a fortnight.
Ds is 3m and once lockdown is done. Hell stay at my dad's with dd..

He only lives 2 streets away so not far which is good and we love the break we're lucky to get it. And lucky we have someone who will at a heartbeat, even done with 15min notice before.
Your sister is lucky to have you.

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