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Sorry for another 'I'm not coping'

(16 Posts)
redtickreturn Wed 29-Apr-20 19:43:56

I'm just so tired and drained by it all....I've already been through so many big life events already (cancer, death of my mum, job loss, house loss, secondary infertility, child with SEN) and at last we were on an even keel, things were looking good and we were supposed to be on our holiday of a lifetime in May to celebrate getting through all of it...gone obviously.

My child was out of school for more than 2 years, he's barely accessed education during primary and he's nearing the end of it now. He's finally in a good SEN school and has made so much progress but they had to shut as they have too many shielded staff - that's not going to change is it? How will they ever open before a vaccine? My child is regressing and all the progress is being loss. It's so sad. He's already so disadvantaged. And there was no bloody Joe Wicks and online classes for him when he failed at home for 2 years.

I'm still working in a hospital (not front line) but everything I do has obstacles of PPE, technology, staffing, room space etc. Nothing is easy and the ground keeps moving. It's so stressful and (non covid) patients are suffering. I go home with a headache every day and just feel so flat and unsuccessful.

The things I like are swimming, driving to the sea and eating chips, Sunday lunches with my family, taking my child to the activities that support him and keep him happy - swimming, climbing, cinema, safe eating out places etc. It's all gone and these are the things that won't come back quickly even when the lockdown lifts slowly.

I feel like I'm in this black, bleak world with no point to it. Little that keeps our life rich and happy is open to us. What's the point to it all? I'm not particularly depressed (been there before), more grieving and sad and going through the process I think. Sorry for being so self indulgent. No need for replies, just need a space to vent.

OP’s posts: |
Egghead68 Wed 29-Apr-20 19:47:27

I am sorry you are struggling flowers

One day at a time (or one minute at a time if you have to)

BriefDisaster Wed 29-Apr-20 19:56:59

It's ok to feel like you do and ok to vent.

Don't listen to the posters who will come along and tell you how thankful you should be and how it could be so much worse.

Everyones feelings are valid.

BooseysMom Wed 29-Apr-20 19:59:46

One day at a time (or one minute at a time if you have to)

My DM always used to tell me this when i had bad nerves and depression. If a day was too much then she said do an hour at a time. It's great advice.

You've had such a difficult time and you've come through all this fighting. I'm NHS too and know how you feel. We just have to set our sights on the end of this lock-down and whilst we wait, we can plan what we will do when it's over.
Remember we're here when you need to vent! flowers

redtickreturn Wed 29-Apr-20 20:00:39

Thank you both.

Something else I love and miss is the hairdresser. Going to work with ratty hair and grey roots is so soul destroying. I hate it.

OP’s posts: |
redtickreturn Wed 29-Apr-20 20:02:26

I've always done better with a plan. They could tell me things would be like this for 6 months and I wouldn't care as long as I had a point and a plan to work towards. Currently the empty abyss of misery and social distancing is all we have to plan for....

OP’s posts: |
imsooverthisdrama Wed 29-Apr-20 20:05:41

A day at a time is good advice, all these threads asking will it be over June/July and so on if you think like that you will feel worse . Take it a day at a time we are in week 6 now which is a long time , but it will get better .
Hope things get easier for you . thanks

kayakingmum Wed 29-Apr-20 20:07:18

That sounds tough. If it's not too far away could you drive to the sea and have a short walk/sit by the sea?
Your wellbeing matters and it could give you a real lift.

Delgado88 Wed 29-Apr-20 20:09:30

Don't apologise and have a rant if you want to. I think we are all going to go through periods of anger and grief.

I manage 2-3 good days a week. I do think being around it at work is hard. We do secondary support and I'm new and everything keeps changing so quickly. I don't want change. I want what I knew and the structure and everything I had worked for and was looking forward too.

I'm not sure I have any answers but exercise is probably the way forward . Also comfort of food, hugs and good sleep possibly helped by Nytol. Or a glass of red wine. Soaks in bath.

Congrats on your amazing achievements with your child, I am sure he will be fine with a parent like you in his corner.

Puppybum Wed 29-Apr-20 20:14:50

I'm finding life really difficult. I just want to be sleeping all the time. All I want to do is go for breakfast with DH and the cinema with DD. Nothing crazy but it made me happy. I don't even know what day of the week it is now, it's all so pointless

SuperFurryDoggy Wed 29-Apr-20 20:14:51

No answers here, but it’s ok to feel down about things we cannot change flowers

redtickreturn Wed 29-Apr-20 20:23:50

@kayakingmum we did actually drive to the sea (it's not too far) but we got shouted at in the car park and told to leave by people who were on foot. It really upset autistic DD so we just got back in the car and left. She won't engage in going again. I can see it being like this for a long time - lots of anger and resentment from others wherever you go.

OP’s posts: |
redtickreturn Wed 29-Apr-20 20:25:51

I've just put dd, meant to say ds obviously!

@Delgado88 thank you....he's my little super star but it breaks my heart to see all the (long awaited and needed) positive change ebb away.

OP’s posts: |
CurlyhairedAssassin Wed 29-Apr-20 20:38:26

I sympathise. It’s the complete change, and total lack of control, that is the killer. And if you’re of that ilk, where that bothers you, you can apply it to any situation, no matter how “serious” and with whatever complications and it can really affect how you deal with lockdown, which is totally behind our control.

It was what I found hard about moving away with then DP 200 miles from my family and friends when we were young to start a new life. I ended up with depression, because while on paper we seemed to have it quite good, and exciting, it was all stuff that didn’t suit my personality. The “moving ground” as you say. Eg i dropped out of the first uni I went to because I couldn’t cope with the upheaval.

DH still always says that I don’t cope well with change and things that are new and I think he’s right, generally. He is very much the opposite, he’s like “que sera sera” and “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” and “it’ll be ok” and “it’s not worth worrying about, there’s nothing you can do about it”. This helps in some situations, like this. But then he’s a crap planner. He doesn’t plan for every eventuality, so sometimes things go wrong and affects our enjoyment of them because there is no plan B.

OP, there is no plan B in this situation. We are having to be reactive and not proactive. We have lost all control to whatever the government thinks best. So, the way to deal with it is to have control over the little things. The seemingly trivial things. Like making a meal plan for the week. Keeping a good daily routine. Making sure our DC go to bed on time. Remembering that If your DC are alive and getting through each day having had enough food, rest, entertainment, education , stimulation, vitamin D then all that IS ENOUGH and the bar is lowered for EVERYONE. We are all in the same boat to some extent, even if some DC have disabilities and others don’t. My DC don’t have disabilities but I worry they’re getting zero exercise and getting into bad habits as teens that they’ll have for years to come.

I dunno. I just think it’s important to get through the day alive and relatively sane, is all . It’s really that basic, at the moment. Anyone who is usually a perfectionist must be having a terrible time at the moment.

kayakingmum Thu 30-Apr-20 19:46:49

In response to your response to my response (I havent worked out how to do quotes) - That's awful. I think you must have been unlucky. I'm sure some people enjoy being angry at others. I hope if you and your DS do decide to give a trip another go you have a more enjoyable time and it gives you both the boost you need.

BighouseLittlemouse Thu 30-Apr-20 20:13:15

Hi OP

Just also wanted to pop on and say how much I empathise and feel very similar. I’m also someone who likes a plan and am finding each day increasingly hard. I’ve had other challenges in life too but this one just feels like too much sometimes, having to get through each day.

I’m a single parent with 2 primary DSs and working full time at home. My eldest (7) has SEN ( but is not sufficient to be in a SEN school) and it’s hard. I know exactly what you mean about the progress just disappearing before my eyes, and also my inability to deal with him as well as I should ( plus the worry as to how he catches up when school eventually goes back - he wasn’t a priority before as he Sort of managed academically I think he will be even less when there is less money/more issues on return. If I can even get him to go back). Meanwhile my other DS just doesn’t get any of my time at all.

Anyway sorry for hijacking but thank you for posting. I guess it is a truism to try to get through each hour/day and try to enjoy some of the little moments with your DS.

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