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Meeting live-apart partners eventually? "

(10 Posts)
Bramblebear92 Mon 27-Apr-20 22:58:05

Before anyone jumps on me, I'm not planning on doing so. We used to live basically together but have lived apart for the last year, as he moved back in with his mum and brother when his mum's cancer returned. Sadly she passed and he's still there with his brother (who he can't stand). He has his own business there & now a full time job (he's technically classed as a key worker as he's making things for hospitals). He was going to move in with me, at least prior to lock down, but then got the job.

I appreciate that people all miss different people - be it friends, family or OH. I really miss my family and friends, but with family I only see them every 3-4 months now anyway. My best friend is shielded so god knows how that will work 😔

I think I miss my boyfriend most of all though, as I'm not a naturally an affectionate person outside of romantic relationships. I'm not cold by any means, but my family are not very cuddly so I've always been a bit more reserved except for close friends and romantic partners.

I'm also furloughed and my flatmates have left to return home so it's been tough being alone. I'd say I like time alone, but I'm also used to quite a hectic lifestyle in the city so everything feels terribly... flat now.

I think it's tough because I keep comparing everything I'd usually doing with what's going on now. I'm not particularly bothered about going to mass gatherings or anything like that but I really want to see the people I love. Me and my boyfriend are used to long distance, but we were seeing each other every 1-4 weeks so always something to look forward to.

I think my main worry stems from the fact that my parents are 170 miles away and my boyfriend is 100 miles. My Dad drives, but my boyfriend doesn't and the thought of six months apart or until a vaccine is unbearable. Especially as we'd both really leant on each other during my mum's MH problems and his mother's death. 😔

Not asking for any predictions on when people think we'll be able to see each other again, but just wondered how everyone else is dealing with this as I'm guessing not everyone lives in the same city or house as their OH?

OP’s posts: |
Cherryghost Mon 27-Apr-20 23:03:39

I'm in the same position my partner lives 4 hours away with parents.

I've just posted a post as I have no idea how it would work if rules are relaxed if you have to pick people you want to see as technically I wouldn't be seeing his family as he would be driving to see me but I could be passing the virus on to his family or his family to mine through him.

So many questions as to how it would work whether you would do complete isolation for 7 days beforehand when you do meet?

Bramblebear92 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:11:04

I've asked myself a lot of the same questions as you and I suppose it's the not even having a clue that's driving me crazy.

I don't see how isolating for 7 days could work if people have jobs and have to take time off every time they see family or partners. With us, he could easily come to see me on late night/off-peak travel, but it all depends if that's relaxed I guess. Also I live in London (though one of the least affected areas of London) and he Dorset, where things are very much under control, so again I'm not sure how that'd work with potential cross-contamination of areas 😬

OP’s posts: |
HarrietOh Mon 27-Apr-20 23:18:21

Could you not temporarily move in with him?

Cherryghost Mon 27-Apr-20 23:20:09

I didn't even think of that! sad
Whether crossing areas would be allowed.

Bramblebear92 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:22:07

For me, not really as there'd be the unnecessary journey of getting there... plus the place is tiny, only one bedroom (which his brother sleeps in), and he sleeps downstairs.

OP’s posts: |
amber763 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:23:22

Urgh it's pretty shitty eh? flowers Lockdowns been a bit weird for me. We weren't in a great place before this all kicked off and going through a bit of a rough patch. Had a huge argument the week before and things were just beginning to get better then lockdown happened but I feel like it was never properly resolved so I've been dwelling on it a bit and now I'm not sure what I want. I miss him like mad but have also been enjoying the break in some ways and am glad I'm locked down alone. I don't know what that says about me. This post makes me sound a bit selfish.

Bramblebear92 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:27:04

I've clearly had too much time on my hands and over-thinking! Hopefully it won't be once transmission gets lower, as long as precautions are made. I know live apart partners are probably not the top of the government's priority list (understandably), but can't see that couples can be kept apart forever and I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned it as meeting family and friends has been mentioned quite a lot.

OP’s posts: |
amber763 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:46:42

Just to add, if you look at countries like Italy and Spain things are starting to relax. It mught be a wee while longer but I don't think it'll be 6 months

Catsmother1 Mon 27-Apr-20 23:59:03

I totally feel for you. My daughter is in a kind of similar (ish) situation. She has been with her boyfriend for 18 months. Before lockdown he spent 3 days a week living with our family, and 4 days at his. Since lockdown he has been living with his family, so they haven’t seen each other for 6 weeks. My daughter has anxiety and she is missing her boyfriend like crazy, and he is really down and missing her. Neither have gone out the house since lockdown. My daughter doesn’t think she can go for another few weeks without him sad

What annoys me a bit is that she could get in a taxi twice a day, with a taxi driver who has been in close contact with lots of people. But she can’t see her boyfriend who has been completely isolated from people outside his home, and has a much lower chance of having the virus. According to the latest guidance, if he has an argument at home, he is allowed to move in with us, but if he doesn’t have an argument then he isn’t allowed to. She doesn’t like big gatherings or parties, so it would literally just be the two of them. It’s really upsetting seeing them both sad over FaceTime. They have no intention of breaking the rules, just wish it would change for them and everyone else with a partner.

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