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My boys a pain in the ar@£

(17 Posts)
Kel9 Mon 27-Apr-20 21:32:10

Sorry I really need to vent!!!

Since the schools have been off my 7 year old boy has been a nightmare!!!

I get this is a huge thing for them, uncertain times and not seeing there friends so I’m trying my best. I’m also a key worker and work full time so I suppose I’m struggling a bit too.

He’s always full of energy he goes walking everyday with me or his dad who I’m separated from since he was 3. We have a good system working and he sees us both equally but when he comes to me he’s always exhausted and plays up big time!

I’m always trying to bargain with him it’s a joke. Tonight he crossed the line big time. We played a few games of cards and afterwards I said it was time for bed and that was it!!! World war 3 on acid!!!!

He was throwing pillows and his covers down the stairs, hitting me with a nerf gun then the final straw he threw his mattress off a bunk bed may I add on the floor!! My other half his step dad came to help me put it back. He was rolling on it and being a mare!!

So my oh broke a toy he had bought him then took the toy away. That was it all tears and it took me soo long to settle him.

I feel so drained and upset as this is unlike him. He does like to push boundaries a lot but tonight was awful it’s like I’m loosing control!!! Does anyone else have the same issues. I’m starting to wonder if it’s just him missing his routine!! He’s now sound asleep like nothings happened. Fml

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ishouldnotsayit Mon 27-Apr-20 22:33:56

Is his Dad meeting him stay up late due to lack of school? And/ or bad diet at his. I think the behaviour is tiredness. Do you have a good relationship with your ex where you can mention his exhaustion?

I would also consider that he is worried about you being a key worker.

The Step Dad breaking a toy bit .. I can only assume it was an accident. Otherwise get your hard hat on here, because if it was done on purpose that is not the solution. You should be modelling the best behaviour, not doing something spiteful.

ishouldnotsayit Mon 27-Apr-20 22:34:34

* letting him ( darn phone 😬)

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister Mon 27-Apr-20 22:49:05

I notice you said you’re constantly bargaining with him, this needs to stop imo. No bargaining, just rules and consequences. If one of mine threw a nerf gun at me they would’ve lost iPad for a week that’s totally unacceptable. Would it have been safe for him to sleep on the mattress on the floor? I would’ve left it there tbh. Does he have screen time/iPad/console? (Mine have to earn time on their iPads). He’s not too old for a sticker chart/marble jar type thing, or pocket money for example? I do get what you mean about the energy levels, my oldest is used to clubs 4 nights out of 7 and we usually do loads of play dates plus school so she is always wired and struggles to wind down, I have to send her off to her room to chill out sometimes. If you think he’s missing routine could you create a new one, he can help you draw up a chart, add in things he’d like to do and stuff he has to get done (schoolwork, tidy his room etc), bedtime hopefully shouldn’t be an issue as he knows when to expect it (go back to toddler days, bath, read, bed?).

noblegiraffe Mon 27-Apr-20 22:52:50

You said that he’s not seeing his friends. Has he not had any contact with them at all?

My 7 year old is struggling not being at school, we’ve organised video chats with her school friends and it has really helped.

Kel9 Tue 28-Apr-20 10:49:15

I think I’m going to do three strikes then your put.. and take his iPad for a few days I just need to stick with it.

His class do zoom chats every week and he’s not interested! He’s done one and I think that was enough. He has his step brother who he sees twice a week and he’s a year older so they still on really well.

I recall last night he had Haribo sweets and that’s sent him crazy!! I’ll need to prevent him eating crap before bed and resort to a routine such as bath, book bed!

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pocketem Tue 28-Apr-20 11:12:19

His class do zoom chats every week and he’s not interested

Who cares if he is interested or not? He's 7 years old. It's your responsibility to ensure he attends classes whether in school or via zoom

noblegiraffe Tue 28-Apr-20 11:15:32

Zoom chats with the class are nice for seeing everyone’s face but no good for social interaction.

Get him on a video chat to one of his friends. They might need a bit of structure at the start, like a Lego building competition (2 minutes to build a rocket) or a scavenger hunt (first to find something red).

DBML Tue 28-Apr-20 11:54:19

You should not be negotiating with a 7 year old. That would be your biggest mistake.
You need to get control now to stop this behaviour spiralling out of control in the future. If he’s like this at 7, imagine how he’ll be at 15. He will tell you what to do.

Never treat your son like a ‘mate’ and don’t bargain with him. You are boss. Also, I’m not a fan of three strikes...he needs to learn right from wrong and that wrong brings about immediate consequences.
So for instance, is he hits you with the Nerf gun, you’d say ‘Do not hit me with the Need gun. It is naughty and if you do it again I will take away your iPad for 24 hours’. Then next time he does it, you take it away...he has fair warning.

The next day when he creates for the iPad you say “if you do not stop behaving in this way, I will keep your iPad for another day.” And again see it through if the bad behaviour continues.

Within a short space of time your son will realise that you are don’t going to tolerate his negative behaviour and nor will you cave into his bargaining. If you offer to give the device back early ‘if he’s good’ then you undermine yourself.

Your son is a normal child and requires teaching to become a healthy, happy person. That training has just gone up a level. It doesn’t make you a bad parent, it’s all very natural. But if you don’t deal with it correctly, then both of you will suffer.

PS breaking a toy is a bad idea. That toy is lost and there is no incentive to behave following that. I know temper/ frustration can take hold at times, so if it does walk away for a minute to calm and then come back firm and fair.

We’ve all been through it op, in some form.

Kel9 Tue 28-Apr-20 13:54:14

Emm I’m not forcing my boy to go on zoom bugger off lol! That’s not something you push on your child! He’s done it once and I think it was too much for him and he would rather not!

He’s had a melt down because he’s had too much sugar!! I needed to vent I hate that when you come on Mumsnet to vent theres some really judgemental people who probably feel the need to fill there quarantine day with opinions on a thread because of boredom. That’s not all of you but I’ve noticed there’s a few on some of the posts like to challenge people’s parenting in a negative way.

I came here asking if anybody has seen similar behaviour I didn’t go out to seek a mother of the year for an opinion. Cheers x

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Kel9 Tue 28-Apr-20 13:56:18

Thanks to others who have given some good advice! I’m going to try the three strike rule and stop sweet treats after dinner. X

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slipperywhensparticus Tue 28-Apr-20 13:57:11

But too much sugar doesnt cause a tantrum it just sounds like bad behaviour to me personally and I think you need to instill consequences

Kel9 Tue 28-Apr-20 14:12:24

Yep unfortunately it makes my son worse when he has sweets he’s hyper and it takes a lot to peel him off the ceiling! But yep he was naughty for sure slippery lol

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pocketem Tue 28-Apr-20 14:13:54

He’s done it once and I think it was too much for him and he would rather not!

With that kind of attitude to disciplining your 7 year old son, no wonder he has behavioural issues.

noblegiraffe Tue 28-Apr-20 14:25:31

Think people are misunderstanding what a class zoom chat is. It’s chaos!

If he is not normally a pain in the arse I think you need to give some thought as to how his world has just been turned upside down and some of his acting out might be a reaction to this rather than him just being naughty.
He does need routines and no sweets before bedtime but he might also need a chance to talk about how he is feeling and a chance to connect properly (not class zoom) with his friends who he is missing.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister Tue 28-Apr-20 14:29:20

Just coming back to say I agree with the zoom chat thing, we tried it once and my daughter hated it, so much going on! Maybe try calling just one friend as a poster said above. I usually start them off by saying who can bounce the ball most etc.
PS I am no Mother of the year and I make many mistakes every day, these are strange time’s for our babies. Good luck!

Kel9 Tue 28-Apr-20 17:59:12

Thanks pleasedontdrawonyoursister! It was too much for him. He has a friend who he talks about lots so I’ll arrange that with the little boys mum. He’s been good today, I say down after work and discussed the three warnings then no iPad for the day! I’ve already had to try it out 🙈 but it worked so will see!

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