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Advice wanted on partners kids

(8 Posts)
wrcm Mon 27-Apr-20 12:52:05

Hi all,
Looking for a little advice, my partner and i live together. I have kids that live with me from a previous relationship and so does he that don't live with us. We found out a few weeks ago that the kids mum and her bf have been having house parties and people in the house that don't live there, we also witnessed this while socially distantly visiting the boys, we haven't been taking them like we would usually. Yesterday my partner went by himself to visit and take the boys out a walk, I've seen a picture of him with one of the boys on his knee, now before everyone starts that's his child bla bla i know this and i would never ever want to keep him away from his kids, i love them like my own but my point is, he has no idea who has been in that house and if they are passing things onto the kids for him them to potentially be coming home and passing things onto us. I only noticed this picture today in social media otherwise i would have had him strip the min he got back and get in the shower again. I haven't seen family or friends in almost 6 weeks and have been at home with my girls this whole time. I just feel like I'm doing what i should be to protect my kids and they could potentially still catch this. Not sure if i should speak to my partner about this as i think he will just go on the defensive. Help

OP’s posts: |
wrcm Mon 27-Apr-20 13:29:15

I should also mention that my oldest daughter has been in lockdown with my mother for company as she lives alone since it started so i know how difficult it is not to see your children.

OP’s posts: |
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Mon 27-Apr-20 13:36:17

I don't know if you can police what goes on in the other house to be honest.

It sounds as though your saying that your boyfriend shouldn't be spending time with his children at the moment. Is that what you're saying?

PurpleDaisies Mon 27-Apr-20 13:40:19

Children are allowed to spend time with parents who aren’t together any more.

Greendayz Mon 27-Apr-20 13:50:54

Unless you're on the shielded list, I don't think it's really for you to worry about what happens at their other house. You do your bit too slow the spread, their mum may or may not do her bit. Not your problem.

wrcm Mon 27-Apr-20 15:15:33

It is my problem when they could potentially be spreading it to my kids. It's not just people with underlying health issues that are dying from this, perfectly healthy adults AND children are dying. I don't want anyone posing a risk to my children when i am doing my bit to protect them from this. I am not saying he shouldn't see them, i think he should. What i am saying is that the other house isn't following the guidelines so my partner should be sticking to the social distancing rules to protect the people he lives with. Their mum might not care if her kids catch something that can potentially be fatal but i care. I can't do anything about what goes on there, that wasn't my point. I am trying to protect the children.

OP’s posts: |
chocolatesaltyballs22 Mon 27-Apr-20 15:17:29

I agree with you OP. Your partner should be social distancing from the kids if their household hasn't been following the government guidelines. I know exactly where you're coming from.

BlueMorning Mon 27-Apr-20 18:55:30

I think a lot of posters are missing the point but I understand what you're saying.

The way I see it, here are the things outside of your control:

1. What goes on at the boys' house;
2. Whether your partner chooses to be physically close to his boys during this time (you can certainly explain your concerns and see what he says but you can't physically stop him from doing this openly or secretly).

That being the case, the only thing you can really do if you're worried and your DP doesn't agree that seeing his boys is a risk/ won't stop doing it (and kind of fair enough, I can see both sides) is ask your DP to move out for the duration of lockdown or move yourself with your girls.

That's it, really as far as I can see?

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