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Worried about a bleak future

(57 Posts)
Wannaflyaway Sun 26-Apr-20 22:57:24

I'm in a bad place at the moment. I hate reading that this is 'the new norm' and basically we have to suck it up and get on with it. Dr Fauci said that we should never shake hands again. It looks like social distancing will be a permanent thing of the future and that we will never enjoy the same amount of freedom that we had prior to coronavirus. Will we ever be able to go to the cinema, the theatre, to the restaurant again without severe restrictions in place making it a far from enjoyable experience? Will they even exist in the future? Will school ever be like it was before, how can it be with social distancing? Will it be part-time schooling if/when the schools reopen, whenever that may be, along with frequent closures in order to 'flatten the curve'? What about going on holiday on an aeroplane, will that ever be possible again? The future looks oppressive, restricted, regimented and joyless. I'm so, so sad for my 4 year old daughter and the life she has ahead of her. I can't even mentally escape by watching the tv any more. If I watch a soap, a sit-com, a film, seeing free to go about their lives normally, its too painful a reminder of a life that doesn't exist any more. I'm grieving for the past and absolutely hate, despise, detest what the future looks like. Everyone else I know seems fine, they seem perfectly happy in their family bubbles, posting photos on social media of the amazing time they're having and writing things like 'living our best lives'. I just don't how they seem fine with it all. I don't know how I can get past this. I have never felt so low and such a sense of hopelessness in all of my life.

OP’s posts: |
Leafyhouse Sun 26-Apr-20 23:05:37

Well, only until they roll out an effective vaccine. At that point, we go back to totally normal. OK, 12-18 months, but not forever.

GreenTulips Sun 26-Apr-20 23:07:23

I think you need to take one day at a time.

Enjoy the little things you share with your daughter.

Beamur Sun 26-Apr-20 23:11:02

It won't always be like this.
Take one day at a time. Talk to someone irl if you're feeling down. Do you have anyone to talk with about how you're feeling?

TheoriginalLEM Sun 26-Apr-20 23:14:26

It wont be forever and I doubt they will wait for a vaccine either. Things will be different for a while, maybe in some ways better? Life will slow down I don't think that's so bad.

I've been so busy I almost forgot who I am. It's nice to be me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very worried about finances, I have my head in the sand tbh.

It will be ok

Bowbeller Sun 26-Apr-20 23:17:15

I feel exactly the same. So sad for my children not to be with their friends.

PicsInRed Sun 26-Apr-20 23:19:29

Initially there will be domestic holidays, then probably treaties between countries for travel, then eventually open slather again. If The Great Plague, Witch Hunts, Refomation, civil wars and revolutions, 2 World Wars and the Spanish Flu pandemic didn't end 1000 years of European tourism (it's not as recent a phenomenon as you'd think), this wont either.

Bowbeller Sun 26-Apr-20 23:20:54

12-18 months is a bloody long time in the life of a child.

compassunreliable Sun 26-Apr-20 23:30:30

We don't know what the future looks like, though.

JaneJeffer Sun 26-Apr-20 23:38:35

Dr Fauci said that we should never shake hands again.
LTB

Wannaflyaway Sun 26-Apr-20 23:46:04

Thank you all for your kind replies and for your positive words.

I'm sorry if my post seemed self-indulgent and 'woe is me'. I know its incredibly difficult for everyone right now.

Bowbeller I'm sorry that you feel the same as me. My 4 year old really isn't her usual bubbly self at the moment and she's quite tearful and just wants to play on her tablet all the time. I wish I could give her the childhood that I had back in the late 70s/80s - so different from today - which was carefree, fun, going to school as normal, playing with friends, cuddles from grandparents. I try my best but I'm a poor substitute for all she's missing.

OP’s posts: |
longtermillness Sun 26-Apr-20 23:51:37

I’ve been feeling the same all day . I’m desperate to see another human .

GP told me on Friday even if the rest of the world went back to normal tomorrow, all vulnerable people will be at home for a very, very long time ie months if not a year + .

That’s left me devastated . I’m just utterly desperate to see another person . And to be able to choose what I want from a shop ... and to be able to get my hair cut ... I’m missing life like hell just now . Wondering if I’m in the house for the next year what sort of life is that ?

TheGinGenie Sun 26-Apr-20 23:54:18

Of course we will be able to do these things again. Look at the 1920s after the flu pandemic of 1918-1920. We will get through this and life will be fine again. Humans have lived through many, many pandemics before.

Dinosauratemydaffodils Sun 26-Apr-20 23:54:47

It might be worth having a chat with your GP or the HV OP. I feel extremely similar but it's not healthy. I want my life back at some point having overcome ptsd to get it in the first place and am really struggling at the thought that it won't ever be possible. I can't cope with everything being so regimented so can't go shopping because I'm terrified of doing it "wrong" and all I'm hearing from friends/social media is people yelling at everyone else. I'm stuck at home which isn't my safe place for reasons relating to said trauma trying to keep myself distracted thinking about making effigies of everyone who suggests "learn a language"...already learning 2 new ones or "take up a new craft"...making a quilt, have knitted one & a half rabbits and am french knitting a rug for the Witch's dollhouse floor and sticking every pin in the house in them.

I spent the evening reading everything I could find in the university library on negative outcomes for small children whose mother's commit suicide to try and force my brain into healthier thoughts. Can't say it's working though. Zoom parties are absolutely not the same as real ones. I'm missing my friends and my kids are missing their friends. This is unnatural and shit but even though I don't value my own life, my kids need their mother and I'm sure your daughter does too.

Oh and step back from the news/social media when you feel like this. If you're anything like me, all reading it does is send you further downwards into a spiral of despair.

Mintypylonsfryingsurplus Sun 26-Apr-20 23:56:22

Ah a lot of drastic changes is a short space of time, all the short and medium plans going out of the window and then disruption on top. No wonder you feel low, its really ok to feel negative about this.
Dont join in the competitive quarantine, come off fb for a short time if you need too, or self refer to your local IAPT services to sound off if you need support.
But I been thinking about this a lot too and have come to a few ponderings.
We as humans are incredibly adaptable and inventive. But over a period of time that we can mentally adapt.
By all means absolutely mourn the old ways of life but if you accept the new ones a bit more positively, you may find it less negative.
For example holidays abroad now looking back rose tinted, the whole process of merely getting on a plane is controlled, regimented etc. We suffer this for the end result of having a break, family time etc.
But there are also negatives to this, plane delays, holiday illness, everyone crammed around a pool.
It may be that we adapt, holiday more local in smaller resorts with fewer staff. Our needs will adapt and so will society.
People may socialise more in smaller groups picnics etc rather than trudging round a crowded shopping mall of a weekend.
Germany for example is embracing a revival in drive in cinema with packed lunches?
I believe our communities will become smaller where you socialise with people locally so the world seems very big once more but we find adventure and look for the positives on our doorsteps almost like going back in time 40 years!
Is this a bad thing? Time will tell but modern life sometime sucks too. Pressures to keep up with disposable trends at the costs of our planet, aspirations to look and lead a certain lifestyles, rushing around trying to do more, buy more, compete with everyone.
This could make society a bit fairer, a leveller, maybe a chance to do things better than before?
But it ok to mourn what you planned and hoped for. But accepting it might help you enjoy what we are all going to have to do for a while at least, and take off rosy glasses flowers

TheGinGenie Sun 26-Apr-20 23:58:53

@dinosauratemydaffodills I am sorry you're feeling so low but I absolutely promise you that having a mum dying from suicide is much, much worse for your children than lockdown. DP's dad died from suicide when he was very young and he's never ever got over it. I know it feels like a long time now, but it's not in the grand scheme of things. We've only been locked down for as long as the summer holidays (for perspective). Take each day at a time, stay off social media, ignore what others are doing. It will absolutely get better sooner than you think

Chocolatecakeandpinkcustard Sun 26-Apr-20 23:58:56

Op I think many of us are feeling like this. Life has changed so drastically out of nowhere.

I cried my eyes out when my dcs activities got cancelled then again I hen the schools closed. All that lost time/enjoyment.

The truth is we don't know right now exactly how/when things can go back to normal. But the good thing is that people are working on it might and day.

Perhaps try not to thing too far ahead and just focus on today and tomorrow and the week. Easier said than done I know, but fretting about the future only makes the here and now feel even worse.

I'm really trying to take enjoyment from small pleasures.

longtermillness Mon 27-Apr-20 00:02:10

Oh dinosaur 😟 my wee friend lost her mam to suicide some twenty odd years ago ... we were five years old ... it affects my friend to this day . It’s a pain that never goes away . I’ve lost many friends and relatives to suicide and for the rest of my life with one in particular I’ll never get over it . Please speak to your GP, or anyone who’ll listen , for your wee ones flowers

Dinosauratemydaffodils Mon 27-Apr-20 00:04:01

*But there are also negatives to this, plane delays, holiday illness, everyone crammed around a pool.
It may be that we adapt, holiday more local in smaller resorts with fewer staff. Our needs will adapt and so will society.*

I've never holidayed like that because it sounds like hell. I've still travelled extensively though and no, holidaying in the UK is absolutely not the same. I don't want a world where I'm just stuck here visiting places I've already been to when there is a whole world out there.

Thanks to df's UK postings plus a few family holidays and the fact that we have family all over the UK, I've already ticked off 99 percent of the places I want to go here.

Chocolatecakeandpinkcustard Mon 27-Apr-20 00:04:42

Oh and btw I think a lot of us are finding this a real struggle.

I've sent pictures of my dc to family and everything looks marvellous. They're smiling doing crafts, or we are out walking in the sunshine, but it's not like that every minute of the day.

I don't send photos of my youngest having a screaming tantrum or my eldest eye rolling and giving me attitude. I don't send videos of days when my house is a tip.

People tend to only show the polished exterior.

BeardedMum Mon 27-Apr-20 00:08:44

I would be relived never to shake hands again. I have always been the one running to the bathroom to wash my hands after handshake😷

Ozgirl75 Mon 27-Apr-20 00:09:44

I’m in Australia and we are a little ahead of the U.K. in that we have very few cases and deaths. A month ago we were in pretty much full lockdown, you would leap away from people when out for a walk etc.
But over the past couple of weeks as cases have lowered, we are starting to get back to normal. People aren’t as panicky when passing other people, I went to the hairdresser last week and only saw a couple of people in masks, the supermarkets have rolled back their measures a bit and some states have been told that they can go back to socialising in groups of 10. Children are also going back to school in two weeks.
But the main thing is, I think lots of us feel way less worried now, so it does pass and it will pass for the U.K. too.

Ozgirl75 Mon 27-Apr-20 00:10:45

And I agree re handshakes! I quite like the elbow tap to be honest.

BigChocFrenzy Mon 27-Apr-20 00:13:52

OP

Unless you or your child have some significant health vulnerability you haven't mentioned,
you are both at VERY low risk, especially a child

So you would be the first to be allowed to relax restrictions
Your child can return to school when they open

You will both be among the first to gradually experience a more normal life, which will probably happen gradually over the next few months,

Some things probably won't happen before a vaccine, such as holiday flights, anything with crowds,
but she really won't miss foreign holidays or theme parks etc,

I'm sure the simpler joys in life like the parks, picnics, seeing friends again will be possible long before then

Mintypylonsfryingsurplus Mon 27-Apr-20 00:19:46

@Dinosauratemydaffodils
Yes I know its not the same, I too have travelled and now kids have left home was saving up for a years backpacking, but we will have to adapt and try to see with new eyes until things evolve again?
Many people will want things to go back to exactly how they were before, some will embrace an opportunity to make drastic changes to live how we are now as we are all so different.
But to waste a period of your life suffering seems a pity.
There was lots of things I hated from before, which I will not do in future when things resume, and some things I really miss too.
Be kind to yourselves, if you in mental health crisis please get support as we dont know what the future holds yet.

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