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Supporting a loved one with death of their spouse while the coronavirus is around

(14 Posts)
LoveFlowers Sun 26-Apr-20 04:14:47

My dad has just passed away and we live a fair distance away, we don't have a car and she is on her own in the house now. She's struggling emotionally and needs help with arranging things. She is in the high risk group so would be very vulnerable if she got coronavirus. If there was no worry about the coronavirus I would've been down there to see her as soon as I could get the next train but now I have to consider that if I do then I might get coronavirus and pass it on to her. I just don't know what I should do for the best.

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Thepigeonsarecoming Sun 26-Apr-20 04:21:22

So sorry for the loss of your dad, is it your step mum whom you are talking about? Does she have family close by?

LoveFlowers Sun 26-Apr-20 04:38:40

No, she's my mum. She doesn't have any family closer by😢.

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Thepigeonsarecoming Sun 26-Apr-20 04:55:40

I’m so sorry OP, I must admit if it was my mum alone at such a time I would get in my car and go, as long as I wasn’t showing any symptoms. Or if I knew a family member would be there. There is an exemption for caring for the vulnerable. Someone should be with her

LoveFlowers Sun 26-Apr-20 06:06:49

Yeah, I don't have a car so I'd be taking public transport over a long distance so more likely to catch coronavirus on the way and pass it on. Also, what if I'm asymptomatic? Any suggestions on how to get there but minimise the risk of catching/passing it on? Or any ideas of how to support my mum while I figure a way to get to her as safely as possible?

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LoveFlowers Sun 26-Apr-20 06:13:17

Wish I didn't have to think about this at the moment but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I didn't do everything I could to prevent my mum from possibly catching coronavirus and dying shortly after my dad died😢. Can't leave her unsupported though.

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sittingonacornflake Sun 26-Apr-20 06:15:44

I'm so sorry OP. Have you tried phoning around for taxi quotes? We love a 4 hour train journey from London but managed to find a taxi that was MUCH cheaper than expected. I think they reduce the rate considerably to do a long journey and you might find they are twiddling their thumbs currently and so would bite your hand off to take the job.

sittingonacornflake Sun 26-Apr-20 06:16:27

Or renting a car if you drive?

Singingatmidnight Sun 26-Apr-20 07:42:42

There is an exemption for caring for a vulnerable person.

How big is her house? Could you go but then be very scrupulous about hygiene, eg using a different bathroom or cleaning it every time you use it? Can you both wash your hands frequently?

If you have already been locked down and, eg, not going to work on on public transport for a month, I'd say the risk was small, but it is of course a very tough decision.

LoveFlowers Sun 26-Apr-20 08:51:31

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm looking into car rentals now but a lot seem to be shut around us due to the coronavirus.

I'll look into local taxis too. Does anyone know if taxis/car rentals are being deep cleaned after every ride or what precautions they're taking to prevent coronavirus spread?

Good to know that there's an exemption for caring for a vulnerable person.

Yes, that could work. We could use separate bathrooms in her house and be really careful about hygiene. We've been isolating at home so I shouldn't have it right now.

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Whattodo121 Sun 26-Apr-20 09:02:46

My dad was widowed 6 weeks ago. He’s been completely on his own since the funeral 4 weeks ago, other than chats with the neighbours and lots of FaceTime and zoom calls with us. He lives around 70 miles away. I’m going today to see him and sit in the garden for an hour and then come back. He needs to see a real person.

Vodkafairy75 Sun 26-Apr-20 09:28:52

Sorry for your loss LoveFlowers. This is a really shitty time to lose someone.

My Dad is currently dying and I have visited him in hospital and now he’s at home. My Mum is classed as vulnerable as she’s 74 and has high blood pressure (which is probably even higher at the moment) but there’s no question of me not going round to support her and see my Dad in his last few days/weeks. I do only live 30 mins away and I drive there so I guess it is easier for me. I’ve also been isolating at home but I think the risk is small.

I’m not sure of the precautions that taxis take but maybe if you wore a mask, hand gelled your hands a few times throughout your journey and washed your hands/showered and changed your clothes on arrival might help?

flowers for you and your Mum xx

grannycab Sun 26-Apr-20 09:32:14

enterprise car hire have one branch open in most towns still,

GenderApostate19 Sun 26-Apr-20 09:46:38

Afford rentacar are definitely open.
I would go without a mo

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