People who live alone and have MH issues - how are you coping?

[Foreverlexicon]

Just the above really.
I’m really struggling. My partner moved away just prior to lockdown to care for a terminally ill relative. No idea when we can see each other again as I’m a key worker who frequently has close contact with the public so wouldn’t be safe.

I struggle with anxiety and depression at the best of times and being alone too long/feeling isolated is probably one of my biggest triggers.

I’ve been okay whilst working but now I’m taking my turn at a month off on call and I’m really starting to struggle. I’ve previously been anorexic/bulimic and these behaviours are starting to creep back in. I’m finding myself ignoring calls from friends because it just makes me feel worse as I don’t have anything to say and they have stories about what they’re up to with their partners and family which is making me feel more alone.

I’ve been trying to exercise and do some jobs round the house but I’m losing all motivation. Then beat myself up for not exercising when I don’t. I’m really worried I’m going to get sick again (eating wise) and trying to fight it but in my dark moments I just don’t even see the point. I’ve started to have some very dark thoughts although I know I won’t act on them. All my hobbies are outdoor, sport related and obviously all of that has been cancelled for the foreseeable, it’s likely the year will be a write off in that respect which is understandable but it’s making me feel very aimless and pointless.

I just don’t really know what to do. I know all of this is incredibly minor in relation to what many people are facing, I’m very lucky to have a stable job and my partner is being incredibly supportive (although in turn that makes me feel worse as I should be comforting her right now not me!)

I don’t really know what I’m asking as I feel like I know all the advice I’ll get and I’m trying to implement it but none of it really works.