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Ok please don’t bite my head off...

(64 Posts)
YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Wed 22-Apr-20 11:19:14

...I am just canvassing for opinions as I haven’t made my mind up yet.

DS (17) has a girlfriend, fairly serious, seeing each other for six months or so. She lives a half an hour drive away. He speaks to her everyday but they are obviously missing each other.

She lives not far from a lovely dog friendly beach. How bad would it be if we drive down there to walk the dogs and ‘accidentally’ bump into her? He promises no contact and keeping 2m apart. He’s just desperate to see her in person and says it’s just not the same talking over Skype or messenger.

I can chaperone to make double sure there are no smooching shenanigans. He’s been absolutely rock solid about lockdown, hasn’t tried to go out to meet friends (unlike a lot of teens round here).

I feel really sorry for him. He struggles with his mood and takes antidepressants if that makes any difference. This would give him a much needed mood lift (which is why I’m considering it).

Is this within the spirit of lock down or a total pisstake?

OP’s posts: |
HotDogGuy Wed 22-Apr-20 11:20:57

I’m sorry but it’s not in the rules. It’s tough but the more people that break the rules the longer this will go out.
I doubt they’d keep a 2 metre distance either.

Quartz2208 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:22:14

Gatherings in public spaces of MORE than 2 people are not allowed.

Like it or not it is in the rules that 2 people can meet up in a public space but no more.

So you cannot chaperone as that would be more than 2.

In theory they could meet up in a public space for a walk it is up to you.

Based on the thread I pointed out that legally it is allowed a lot think it is a pisstake!

ALso how long is the drive. The other rule is that you must not drive too far

Lightofthephoenix Wed 22-Apr-20 11:23:05

Honestly, I don't actually know, once they see each other the temptation to hug might be too strong to ignore.

DoIneed1 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:23:18

Put your hard hat on, Op! I think that you will get a lot of negative comments!

For me it's the half hour drive that seems wrong when we aren't meant to be making unnecessary journeys. I honestly also can't see why this is going to be any better for your ds than zoom or Skype or whatever as they won't be allowed to get physically near each other.

QualityFeet Wed 22-Apr-20 11:26:02

I think it’s obvious it can be achieved within social distancing - if it helps his mood I would probably consider it. There are teens everywhere hanging out in groups and meeting each other in parks. They shouldn’t be but I do think you need to balance emotional needs too. My teen hasn’t seen anyone but he isn’t struggling at the moment. I might have been more flexible if he was and there was something I could help with. So difficult when they are depressed.

nicslackey Wed 22-Apr-20 11:31:06

if they walk along 2 metres apart and mum follows at a distance, I would do it for the sake of mental health as he is on anti depressants. It will give them a lift and as you say he has been undemanding up to now. Just make it clear this is not going to be a frequent occurence. I think it can be justified as you are supporting his mental health.

Alb1 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:32:25

I think it’s really not in the spirit. It’s an hour and a half drive to a beach, police forces are specifically asking people not to do this. I no it’s not your purpose for doing it and your intentions are innocent but I don’t no if police would see it that way. I just think it’s too far from your home, mixing with people from outside your household, and a gathering of more than 2 people, so too much to be reasonable in my opinion. I completely understand wanting to though, I think most of us are desperate to go somewere to see someone.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Wed 22-Apr-20 11:32:46

My mum has just said that they are doing police checks on people driving to the beach, and the govt advice is pretty wish washy but I think as we live in the countryside anyway we don’t have an excuse for driving for dog walks.

Poor DS. I’ll leave it though.

OP’s posts: |
Didkdt Wed 22-Apr-20 11:32:47

I don't think it will help, it won't be quite enough contact for them and they will push for more then what.
Unfortunately sometimes love birds have to be apart from each other it's happened since time began and it's all part of being a grown up.

Sennetti Wed 22-Apr-20 11:34:25

I can’t believe the message still isn’t getting through all these weeks later

BovaryX Wed 22-Apr-20 11:35:58

I think the most significant point is will they actually adhere to the 2 metre rule? If they break it, that would be a problem. If they keep to it? It might be beneficial for your son. If you are allowed out for exercise, presumably you are allowed to drive half an hour to reach the exercise location?

Bestoption Wed 22-Apr-20 11:36:17

I can see why you're tempted and I understand it's very difficult when he's been so well behaved, especially if others locally aren't. I can also understand 'not seeing the harm'. But - it's ALL of these little things that add up.

You're taking (at least) 2 people, dogs and 'stuff' into a new area. If you take the virus you're shedding it in another area sneeze, cough, just breathing it's shedding maybe on the digs from someone else in the house...

Or you could risk picking it up from someone else who has walked along the beach.

There's also the small risk of a car accident (there have been quite a few as people are treating the roads like racetracks) then you possibly end up in hospital - police RAC ambulance other people in the other car...

As a single event it's not hugely risky but if everyone did it 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's just part of being collectively responsible isn't it

It's tough on them I know, young love is so intense & so 'here and now' but it's a few weeks out of a whole lifetime.

How would they feel if their 'seeing' each other set off a chain of events and someone's Dad died? Or someone else's girlfriend?

I get it, I really do. My SO lives half a mile away. We opted to not 'join households' for lockdown because I have a few underlying things and he has a DS (DS goes between his & his Mums) and she goes to the shops every day (no need just wants to see people) and they go to her Mums where other family is. We decided it was unnecessary risk for me. It's hard, I miss him. We could easily walk to each other's place. A couple of times he's walked past & text me and I've waved from the upstairs window. I have to say, it was quite nice to actually see him - but it was awful not being able to hug him & when he left it was far worse than not seeing him.

It would be massively hard for them not to hug and to say goodBye again.

I really really wouldn't.

SarahInAccounts Wed 22-Apr-20 11:36:57

Do it!

Alb1 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:37:01

Oh I read it as an hour and a half, just realised it a far less! My opinion is still the same but I do sympathise.

gamerchick Wed 22-Apr-20 11:39:48

Well I'm sure it's up to you and you'll make you own choices.

I'm sure the virus makes exceptions for lovebirds. Especially ones who when clapping eyes on each other will think 'fuck it, a quick hug won't hurt'. Leaving without touching can be harder than not seeing at all imo.

LockdownLucy Wed 22-Apr-20 11:40:27

Going against the grain. I'd let him. You're allowed to travel for exercise. He could be walking alongside a total stranger so someone he knows isn't physically any different. I think mental health concerns do matter. In Italy people made appointments to shop at the same time as friends so they could chat in the queue. May not be in the spirit but it's not breaking the rules. My parents mother had a mini stroke last week no doubt brought on my the stress of isolation. A few safely planned walks past her son's house to chat through the window would have probably made all the difference despite not being 'in the spirit'.

AmelieTaylor Wed 22-Apr-20 11:40:58

@BovaryX

if you are allowed out for exercise, presumably you are allowed to drive half an hour to reach the exercise location?

No, you're not, especially when you live in the countryside where there's plenty of space to walk/run/cycle

Halo1234 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:45:45

We all miss our loved ones.we all want to drive to see them and go a walk with them. Imagine everyone did it. You are thinking of only your son (as is natural he is your boy) but think of the bigger picture. Stay at home. One walk will cheer him up today. But what do u do next week? Tell him to be thankful for technology and it's not forever. I have a 5 year old pinning for gran and I would love to let her go a walk with her gran but it's not right to do. We all miss someone.

AmelieTaylor Wed 22-Apr-20 11:49:57

You're allowed to travel for exercise

A short distance when necessary. Not to the beach half an hour from home when you live in the country anyway

He could be walking alongside a total stranger so someone he knows isn't physically any different

You shouldn't be walking along WITH a stranger either. Of course that's different than passing a stranger at 2m you're looking at & breathing in their direction if you're shedding the virus you're likely to infect them.

I think mental health concerns do matter

Yes, of course they do, but people need to find other ways to manage them that doesn't involve meeting up for cosy walks.

In Italy people made appointments to shop at the same time as friends so they could chat in the queue

Yep & look where that got them! Have you seen their death rate??

May not be in the spirit but it's not breaking the rules

Yes, it is. It's going out to meet up with someone not in your household

My parents mother had a mini stroke last week no doubt brought on my the stress of isolation

Oh I am so sorry to hear that, I hope she makes a good recovery 🌷

A few safely planned walks past her son's house to chat through the window would have probably made all the difference despite not being 'in the spirit

Perhaps, or perhaps not, but a walk past her son's house and a wave is a long way from a drive to the beach to let two teenagers walk along it together.

Quartz2208 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:50:03

I tihnk its the drive - looked it up the guidelines are you are allowed to drive if you exercise longer. I think an hour drive there and back is a bit much

smokescreen Wed 22-Apr-20 11:50:58

Goodness! I would op. His mental health vs a quick hang out with his girlfriend? Just walking along the beach will make everyone feel better

Sennetti Wed 22-Apr-20 11:53:18

Police are stopping people and questioning them

Why’s that then?

ifonly4 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:59:13

I know there's a slim chance, but what happens if you have a problem with the car? The poor garage mechanic is going to have to come out to you and put himself at risk, for what is basically a day trip (I totally understand why you're considering it though) not an essential trip to work or for food. The police have issued fines in our county for some non essential trips, so there's the risk of that as well.

Dustyroad63 Wed 22-Apr-20 11:59:26

If you are going to do it arrange it for 8pm on a Thursday.

No police because they are showboating at the local hospitals.

And apparently the virus isn't catching then as shown by the crowds of people shoulder to shoulder outside singing clapping and videoing themselves for social media.

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