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Lockdown envy

(26 Posts)
Motherofmonsters Mon 20-Apr-20 10:22:40

This sounds horrible but I've got lockdown envy,

I should stop going on Facebook but everyone seems to be having an ace time. I'm sad I don't live close enough to the woods or the beach for my walk. I'm envious of those who don't have children who are spending it doing fun stuff. I'm even envious of those whose partners have been furloughed as they can spend the time together.

I have a toddler DS who is in the middle of referels for behaviour and a 6month old DD. DH is working full time so it's just us. DS wont sit in a buggy now and won't walk around our estate anymore. He'll walk to the end of our bit and that's it. It's also on a hill so he can't use his bike.

Someone posted that we should be great full for our time off and shouldn't be moaning. She has an older child and lives next to the beach so they've been having a great time

Not sure why im posting as I'll get torn apart and I know im being ridiculous. Just feeling a bit sad and having major cabin fever. Anyone else?

OP’s posts: |
Selfsettling3 Mon 20-Apr-20 10:31:27

I’m easily pulled into the envy. My life is not as difficult as yours, I have a NT nearly 4 year old and a 9 months old who thinks the 7th trimester is a thing. DH is working but from home - he is in the shielding group as I’m worried about nursery/school reopening and not being able to send DD1.

It’s fine to find it difficult and life with young children is hard. I’m jealous of my sister who is working 1 week in 6 and has a 8 year old and a 14 year old. I’m jealous of my friend who isn’t working on full pay who has a 7 year old who goes to his Dad for half the week and gets time along with her live in partner. I’m jealous of people with big back gardens. I’m jealous of people with one preschooler who are doing wonderful craft and learning activities and plenty of ‘me time’. But I’m trying to turn it round - we live in a nice location although we can’t go to the beach as it’s normally busy, DH is working so has income, my children and family are currently safe, we have the internet, we have a small back yard and the weather is good so I can normally find a small square of sun.

Rebelwithallthecause Mon 20-Apr-20 10:35:28

I’m very grateful I’m not home alone with a toddler. Being heavily pregnant it was something I was worried would happen and still may be if DH goes back to work soon.


GreyishDays Mon 20-Apr-20 10:36:46

But being able to spend 1 hour a day in the woods doesn’t equal ‘having a great day’.

viccat Mon 20-Apr-20 10:46:49

I'm feeling very grateful I have lots of work coming in still (I'm self-employed) but also can't help feeling envious of everyone on social media who seems to be furloughed or even on full pay but not working at all, just having one long holiday at home. I'm working 7 days a week at the moment, no time for making sourdough starters or learning new crafts here...

Motherofmonsters Mon 20-Apr-20 11:13:32

Thanks everyone, glad it's not just me.

I know an hour at the beach doesn't mean a great day but it sure would break up the day more and DS would tire himself out.

OP’s posts: |
cathyandclare Mon 20-Apr-20 11:20:23

Lots of people are struggling. DH and I are wfh and have more work to do than ever, we're also getting fed up with living Groundhog Day and getting very grouchy and short-tempered. We could easily, however, post glorious sunny pictures on social media ( we don't but we could!!) I heard a wise man sat that you're comparing the outside of someone else's world with the inside of yours.

I genuinely think most people are struggling in some way- and if they're not they probably don't understand the full medical, social and financial implications of this!

cathyandclare Mon 20-Apr-20 11:21:24

say not sat!!!

user1493413286 Mon 20-Apr-20 11:27:47

Try to remember that people (most anyway) don’t post on social media when they’ve just had a spat with their partners due to cabin fever or when their kids are basically acting feral and they’re wondering if they can do this. Some of my day with my DC are nice and I’ve got some lovely photos but also a decent proportion of it is just about survival or trying to keep my patience/feeling bad when I lose my patience

BiddyPop Mon 20-Apr-20 11:50:57

We look like we're having a good time, on paper (not on facebook as I don't post). DH and I are WFH, DD is doing school, she is doing a lot of sport and exercise on the green out the front. I have done some baking. And sewing.

But I am worn out. I am not sleeping. DD is manic (she has ADHD/ASD) and is constantly "bored", as well as having no concept of personal space nor of how strong she actually is - so even sitting on the couch watching tv together is an endurance sport as she moves around so much and bumps off others constantly. If I get to stay in bed, she literally comes up and jumps on me (and at 14, that's a hefty landing!).

My work is not challenging, because I had just moved sections. So I don't know the new job and there is no one I can ask about it because everyone is at home. I can't help the old section either because I am locked out of their shared drives. So I am frustrated trying to understand what I should be doing, and get something useful done. Hence I have been on MN more than I should be, and getting too angsty at all the scaremongering going on. And I know I could do so much more that is useful, if I only knew the context. My new boss is also frustrating slightly, as he is conscious that a lot of our work is currently stopped with the virus, but will get going again so doesn't want to start other new things or offer any staff on short term loan to other areas in case we are not returned when needed. And I am conscious I left 5 big crates and 5 file boxes of papers to be moved to my new office, which I could be going through and culling if I had them here. And I didn't bring enough stuff like plain paper or pens, or a stapler, from the office, not print nearly enough reports to read (I find reading on computer screens frustrating when I want to write notes and highlight things - I know it's possible on computers but not when they are shared documents on a shared drive).

Food is an issue as DH just goes to the fridge and pulls out what he sees that he likes for himself, DD is being fussy as so much else is out of control so she can control the food, and I am left tryng to deal with "use by" dates and leftovers and eating the things no one else will. Whether I like them or not. And I am trying to avoid the supermarket in person (asthmatic) so online ordering or getting DH to go, but then not having what I expected as a result (I know, there are shortages - but when I have most of 1 meal but not a vital component, or really short "use by" dates on items - that I could had changed things as I shopped myself).

My sewing is actually no fun, as I am making masks for myself (asthmatic), DH and DD (both seriously fussy so the quilting cottons that I have in the house are not usable, so I am cutting up an old shirt of DH's for them), and my DPs (elderly with underlying problems). I also need to do some for DMIL (as DPs) and DSis (specific issues in her houseshare) - I don't have the capacity to do enough for all the extended family. I can only sew in the study (where DH is working) or at the kitchen table (so need to tidy away constantly), so I spent this weekend just finished trying to get it done. All my projects for actual enjoyment are shelved at the moment.

I have mostly been baking to use up black bananas or lemons going beyond use, or to keep DD happy (flapjacks). So not actually for fun.

I have done some exercise (yoga and pilates, and a few walks), but not a lot as there is no chance with DD and DH's demands. And while they are getting out walking, I tend to be home organising meals while they are out (and they are marching along at a fierce pace that I can't keep up with). DH is getting time to watch movies but has been pressing hard to do DIY jobs that needed doing, so a lot of my free time has been doing those with him (and I am back cooking while he relaxes). Even when I do go in to watch tv together, its never something nice to watch - we've been enjoying Great British Menu together, but DH is otherwise watching a lot of seriously violent drama that I don't want to watch, or car reviews on YT, so I haven't been relaxing there.

And the lack of exercise combined with hunching over bad desks for too long, means my long term back problems have reared up again and I am trying to avoid the painkillers as I only have a handful left and no chance of seeing GP for more (she's in city centre near the office).

Last night, I actually got so upset I had a cry, and isolated myself to watch something on Netflix - but when I just wanted some good old-fashioned escapism, there was nothing there. All serious stuff or seriously twee, but no teen romances or stupid space movies with no Freddie Prinz Jr staples or "Some Kind of Wonderful" or similar.

themuminator Mon 20-Apr-20 12:06:36

It's also hard when you see all the celebs etc on TV 'working from home' and they've got these massive fancy houses! Agas in their kitchen behind them on the camera etc.
You'd be pushed to find a clear spot in my house to make it look decent on camera!

Just remember that social media presents the best bits of someone's day, not their pants on the floor, filthy bathrooms, or kids scattering crap everywhere and being ferrel!

MigginsMs Mon 20-Apr-20 12:12:22

I know, I am luckier than a lot of people but I can’t help but wish that when we moved house I had prioritised having a bit of a bigger house with more bathrooms and space and a bigger garden. I’m dreading any of us having to self-isolate and my garden is small and not that nice. On the other hand at least we have a reasonable amount of space and some outside space. I also can’t imagine how difficult it is with younger kids, mine are 11 and 14 now so while that brings its own challenges it will be easier than a toddler and a baby.

It’s OK to feel crap and that other people have it better, they probably do but that’s life isn’t it x just try and get out as much as you can as it makes a difference x

Hopefulmidwife Mon 20-Apr-20 12:12:43

I get the envy too. I must remember to stop going onto social media and realise that people's lives aren't what they portray on pictures. My partner is working on the frontline full time; extra hours actually due to staff sickness. We're young and healthy etc but I still worry about him. We have a tiny living space and no garden. We live nearby some walks and have been doing that but even that gets boring after a while as we can't just sit and enjoy the sun etc.

He's also getting a bit on edge as he says 'he has the worst of both worlds' working for the NHS on the frontline and then coming home to a tiny flat with 2 rooms and no garden. It's hard OP I totally get it. Keep going though; hopefully we'll have an ease on restrictions soon. Can you drive? As you are allowed to drive for walks etc now.

Silversun83 Mon 20-Apr-20 13:57:47

We have a nearly four-year-old amd a two-year-old and are both WFH. I'm definitely envious of those without kids - Lockdown pre-DC would have been bliss - do some work, go out for long runs, watch boxsets!

We do live in walking distance of several woods and I am grateful for that and the DC do enjoy it. But have a tiny courtyard garden.. So swings and roundabouts i guess..

Can you use bribery to get toddler into pushchair? Walk a bit further to sonewhere flatter so he can use bike?

xtinak Mon 20-Apr-20 14:17:34

It's not just you. We have a toddler, DH has to go into work, I'm working from home so it's basically always either work, childcare or sleep. There is no opportunity to bake, we haven't got through a single Netflix show, we can't really exercise because we have to go at DD's pace. We are really struggling. The house is filthy. I can't bear to hear people saying that we're being asked to sit on the sofa and crack on with our hobbies.

HellsAngel81 Mon 20-Apr-20 15:53:40

I'm envious of people with gardens, balconies or a little bit of outside area that is exclusively for their use. Also envious of those lucky enough to incorporate a trip to the beach on their daily exercise. Despite living in a coastal area, I cant get to the beach in lockdown.

Orangeblossom78 Mon 20-Apr-20 16:00:54

OP did the behaviour get worse after the birth of your second, as that can be common - might be what is happening, it is a big shock to not be the only / baby any more. Just your description of them not going past 'your bit' made me remember my toddler son after his little brother came along

Also things like regressing to a baby stage with the eldest can be common frustrating problems, I understand where you are coming from.

BriefDisaster Mon 20-Apr-20 16:37:01

I took some gorgeous pictures of the kids in our garden at the weekend to send to my parents.

They look like a perfect family day, idyllic.

They do not capture the toddler tantrums by DD(3) or the whining for Minecraft DS(6) or my stress headache from work.

I took them in the garden because the house looked like a bomb had hit it with every toy box emptied.

A few pictures aren't reality.

I get very envious of people at home without young kids, working or not. I wouldn't not have my two for a second but I still get envious.

Motherofmonsters Mon 20-Apr-20 18:19:08

Thank you for all your replies, it's easy to forget that everyone has struggles to.

Orangeblossom, sadly we had issues with DS before DD came along. He's actually much better than he used to be, much less on the attack all the time.

OP’s posts: |
Imapotato Mon 20-Apr-20 19:31:13

Everyone post lovely pictures of the sensory play they’re doing with their toddlers. They never post the picture of the same toddler half an hour later trying to eat the cat litter and throwing a massive tantrum when their parent dares to prevent them consuming faeces.

I don’t envy those of you with tiny kids at the
moment. My dds are teens, and while not perfect at least I don’t have to follow them around all day preventing them from injuring themselves.

I’m still working full time as a key worker and we live semi rurally. I think I’m having a much easier time than most.

givemeacall Mon 20-Apr-20 19:33:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLovelinessOfDemons Mon 20-Apr-20 19:43:10

I have autism, I think DD 12 does too and DS 8 has ADHD. Oh, the fun we're having during the lockdown! hmm

We all drive each other crazy. DH probably has ADHD too, so when he's at home, that's even more fun!

Orangeblossom78 Mon 20-Apr-20 19:45:37

If I ever feel like this I remember the children in Spain who have not been out for months - or the elderly and vulnerable shielding who have to stay in completely, gets things in perspective a bit. Maybe don't look at people on social media, it is all a lie anyway (most of the time)

Travelban Mon 20-Apr-20 20:08:45

I do get a little bit irritated with people who constantly pound Facebook or the wattsap class chat with fun things to do with kids, memes about loving the slow life and sunbathing etc

I do feel grateful though that we are all healthy, we still have jobs and even though our four kids have to self entertain and self school, they are still well looked after and happy.

Orangeblossom78 Mon 20-Apr-20 20:19:04

Sounds a bit inappropriate to be honest under the circumstances, do they not think how they are coming across?

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