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Allow my yound daughter to move to her grandparents

(51 Posts)
Lifesabeach86 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:17:58

I'm feeling so conflicted. We live in a small terraced house, my son and daughter (5, 8) share a bedroom and do not get on at all. I'm spending my days being a referee and we are all miserable. My husband and I are working from home and only leave the house once a week for shopping and once a day or two for a walk. My husband's parents have offered to have my daughter to give her some space and peace and quiet. They are both retired (early 60s) and only shop once every 2 weeks. Both in good health. Would I be unreasonable to take them up on their offer? My daughter wants desperately to go and will happily stay for a week or two. I think I already know the answer...

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Lifesabeach86 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:21:03

The answer being its rule breaking so no.

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Spied Sun 19-Apr-20 15:21:37

Yes you'd be unreasonable

UncleBillyLostHisWilly Sun 19-Apr-20 15:21:49

I would just take her

RhymingRabbit3 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:23:25

No I don't think it's unreasonable. The recent guidance states moving home for a time measured in "days not hours" to be ok. And children are allowed to move between parental homes, this isn't any different.

JackMummy12 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:23:59

Actually this is allowed.

See the college of policing info here, last page.

www.college.police.uk/What-we-do/COVID-19/Documents/What-constitutes-a-reasonable-excuse.pdf

teenagetantrums Sun 19-Apr-20 15:25:03

Of course let her go.

PoetaDeLosSandwiches Sun 19-Apr-20 15:25:50

The rules allow people to move house, so it's not necessarily breaking them. If she went there she would have to stay there until the restrictions on movement are lifted. Going back and forth between the two households or just visiting would be breaking the rules.

Herpesfreesince03 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:26:48

Well there’s not exactly many ‘rules’ as such is there? You’re not going to get arrested for it. I think it’s a case of using your common sense which is what I’ve been doing from day one. If the risk to your own families are low and you’re not risking anyone else, then do what you have to do to stay sane

Viviennemary Sun 19-Apr-20 15:27:32

Yes I think it would be fine. But she shouldn't shuttle between houses.

Sally872 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:27:44

Let her go. You are all being as sensible as possible and struggling. I cant see the harm in this. It isnt mixing households your dd is moving households and as long as she is pleased to go it sounds best for all.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Sun 19-Apr-20 15:28:03

Will they take your son for a few weeks afterwards? Id be less concerned about quarantining and more worried about perceived favouritism from GPs towards your DD upsetting your son. As in, why does she get to have a holiday with them and i don't. That would have really upset me as a kid.

Butterymuffin Sun 19-Apr-20 15:30:21

If it's for two weeks (i.e. not just a few days) and they are having minimal social contact with anyone else, and haven't been unwell themselves, then yes, I would do it.

Lifesabeach86 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:32:57

Oh wow, I wasn't expecting these responses. The relief is enormous. Thank you so much for some perspective!

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Lifesabeach86 Sun 19-Apr-20 15:35:36

someoneElseEntirelyNow I completely understand but my son is my shadow and it would be his worst nightmare to be sent to his grandparents for a prolonged amount of time.

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NoMorePoliticsPlease Sun 19-Apr-20 15:40:01

And then she cant come home even if she gets homesick. This will go on until June

Belindabelle Sun 19-Apr-20 15:42:15

What if she wants to come back home in a few days.

If she goes to her grandparents she should stay there for the next 3 weeks at least or until restrictions are lifted.
I wouldn’t want to be voluntarily apart from my child at his time.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Sun 19-Apr-20 15:48:28

To be honest, i think it would be a bad idea, completely apart from the CV situation. The solution is to teach your children to behave, rather than shipping one of them off so you don't have to deal with it. There are lots of good books available if it's daunting for you - Siblings Without Rivalry has been recommended before.

Mrsjayy Sun 19-Apr-20 15:53:06

Yes let her go I think this is reasonable it is easing family tension.

nogooddeedgoesunpunished Sun 19-Apr-20 15:55:12

Do it and don't look back with anything but relief. Now is not the time to trial parenting routines that are new to your family. Your collective well being is what matters here. I think the thing we have to remember is that nobody is getting respite at the moment. Our children are missing their friends and routines and we're trying to work at home through it all. If your son won't feel left out I'd do it in a heartbeat . We could be in lockdown til June . That's a long time to manage in the situation you describe.

Greendayz Sun 19-Apr-20 15:59:28

I'd let her go but if she gets homesick and wants to return, then she comes home and doesn't go back again. Moving frequently between households is not such a good idea.

Yes kids are allowed to go between separated parents, and the police have also said it reasonable for people to go for a few days "cooling off" after a row. They haven't said this is only for adults rows. And if both households have been keeping isolated the last couple of weeks the risk is negligible.

sonypony Sun 19-Apr-20 15:59:33

I would do this in your position.

Ariela Sun 19-Apr-20 16:01:14

As a child at about that age I adored being allowed to stay on my own at Grandma's in the holidays, away from my siblings. She taught me how to sew, we did gardening and baking, and I absolutely loved sitting on the stairs reading with the sunlight twinkling patterns on me through the multi coloured stained glass panels in the door.
My only regret is she didn't also have the one cousin nearest me in age to stay at the same time, as we were both crafty kids and enjoyed all the sewing - we only found this out in later years very recently as we didn't live close or see a lot of each other. Grandma died when I was about 11, so I didn't have many holidays there on my own. But I relished the independence - Grandma allowed me to take money down to the bakers and buy bread, to go to the corner shop and buy sugar or apples and sometimes penny sweets (old penny!) - we didn't have a shop in reasonable walking distance.

I would ensure that your daughter understand that she can phone/skype every day but that if she opts to go she has to stay there for at least a week or two or even three because she cannot keep moving between the two houses as it wouldn't be fair on everyone that is staying in as per the government rules..

Treacletoots Sun 19-Apr-20 16:08:29

Of course its OK. Take no notice of the pearl clutchers or judgey mcjudging, you should parent your children better response. Sigh.

If we could ship our 3 year old off to grannies for a couple of weeks, we'd do it in a heart beat as they adore each otber, but sadly we do have the space and they are vulnerable, so in our case, we'd be unreasonable.

You, however are definitely not being unreasonable or in the wrong, IMHO.

Lifesabeach86 Sun 19-Apr-20 16:09:14

Ariela your grandmother sounds wonderful. My mother in law is the same, they have a no television rule in their house so they bake, garden, sew and create some fantastic games. Everything is very child-centred/led and nothing ever seems to much effort. They have a big house and a large garden so my daughter loves taking herself off to play.

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