Advanced search

I wept..

(30 Posts)
LittleAndOften Sat 18-Apr-20 23:49:53

I wept this evening for the first time during this whole saga. It hit me hard.The shocking change in PHE guidance to work with inadequate protection.The NHS staff who are being forced into an impossible position. To risk their lives for lack of PPE or leave their patients untreated. And it's not only this but having to live with the consequences of these decisions afterwards. Then there are the carers being given little or no protection at all. Like lambs to the slaughter. I feel sick to my stomach.

Up until now I've been taking each day as it comes. Avoiding the news and keeping positive. But my husband is an HCP and may well find himself in this position soon. A paramedic we know is in ICU on a ventilator. Same age as DH.

I am so scared and overwhelmed by sadness. It's too awful. How many more of our HCPs and carers are going to die for lack of equipment?

OP’s posts: |
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sun 19-Apr-20 00:02:16

Thinking of you and saying a prayer hope you don't mind prayers.

It's horrid and scary. A really close family member of mine has it too.

Sosadandempty Sun 19-Apr-20 00:10:03

Yes it is truly awful. I am so sorry about your neighbour, and I hope that the paramedic you know gets better soon. The chaos and lack of preparation around PPE is shameful.

And yes, it seems that it is only because of media challenge that the government has turned its attention to what is happening in care homes.

LittleAndOften Sun 19-Apr-20 00:19:58

Thanks for being kind, both of you. When you allow yourself to process to full horror of it, it's completely overwhelming.

OP’s posts: |
starlightgazers Sun 19-Apr-20 00:27:32

That's such a sad post OP but also quite heart-warming that you care so much flowers.

I'm frontline NHS and it is breaking my heart too - just awful. And a lot WAS preventable. But the majority seem to just keep going with the government are doing a great job line. Very depressing.

I am just sad for everyone really - I'm not particularly patriotic but it is upsetting seeing what we are going through as a country, well world, at the moment. Lets just all hope there is light bat the end of the tunnel somewhere.

RhubarbTea Sun 19-Apr-20 00:32:49

I feel much the same, OP. Sometimes I'm alright but the news today about PPE just hit me and I felt very bleak again.
This is a very difficult time to be living in sad flowers

LittleAndOften Sun 19-Apr-20 00:33:41

@starlightgazers how are you coping? I'm hearing there is a total lack of leadership and no joined up thinking. It's evident in government (they are clearly clueless and panicking), but DH tells me it's the care within the NHS too. Poor communication, conflicting advice etc.

OP’s posts: |
LittleAndOften Sun 19-Apr-20 00:34:27

*case not care

OP’s posts: |
Northernsoullover Sun 19-Apr-20 00:37:09

I'm having a shitty day too OP. flowers. Most days I cope but today feels like there is no end in sight.

elfycat Sun 19-Apr-20 00:38:23

I've been looking at Facebook pictures of my old colleagues many of whom now work in ICU (we were all theatres/recovery nurses) and I'm worried for them.

I'm so lapsed I'm not of interest to the nursing profession at this time (I did look to retrain last year, but there's no course in my county) and a decent part of me is relieved that I can stay away.

I have to keep making myself NOT think about things, or take a deep breath against the solid lump of anxiety. And I just keep hearting and commenting on their posts in support.

OhCaptain Sun 19-Apr-20 00:39:15

I can’t even imagine the worry you must feel.

I don’t know what to say that won’t be completely trite. But I am sorry. wine

LittleAndOften Sun 19-Apr-20 00:56:39

Well, we're all in this together aren't we flowers
I feel for all of you as much as for my own. No-one is immune and there is little or no PPE for the people who can save us. Just feels like health workers are going to be systematically annihilated. It's not if, but when they get it. And those doing intubation are going to go first because they are exposed to so much of the virus. I can't get my head around that.

Where is the hope? I really can't find any, so the only thing to do is ignore these realities. Or drown in utter despair.

OP’s posts: |
starlightgazers Sun 19-Apr-20 01:03:19

@LittleAndOften - well tbh - people are doing their best, but it's a mess. PPE running out frequently, lack of clear leadership and direction, cases not being isolated fast enough. It could not have come at a worse time really, the NHS was hugely struggling even before this due to lack of funding and morale was already low. We're just all praying we don't get this and pass it on ourselves, a lot of us are higher risk in various ways but we have to still go or won't cope financially.

BiarritzCrackers Sun 19-Apr-20 01:05:01

I do feel for you, and anyone working or who has loved ones dealing with these issues in their workplaces. It is such a concerning development today, particularly as we've been being told for weeks it's been logistics rather than availability that's the issue - and now it seems that wasn't true. I was watching a nurse on the news earlier, going through the routine of her PPE, and while she was so cheerful about it, it does reinforce how important it is, in both actually keeping staff safe, but making them feel safe and valued. I am full of admiration for people working in these conditions.

ThisMustBeMyDream Sun 19-Apr-20 01:08:43

Today my trust confirmed the news that a midwife, a paramedic and a member of support services passed away. 3 members of staff. In one day.

In my previous trust, one of my old colleagues messaged to tell me that one of the consultant obstetricians I worked with for many years was on a ventilator.

I'm terrified. Who wouldn't be? My children would be left with no parents if something happened to me.

shiningstar2 Sun 19-Apr-20 01:10:02

The whole situation with personal protection is a national disgrace. The Government could see what was coming from the situation in China and it came to Europe a few weeks before us. If they can race around getting supplies now they could have sourced them earlier. The whole approach is indicative of the way they have let the health service run down over the last 10 years.

This, of course, is no help to you, your husband and other health and care workers.The whole country admires and thanks you all and I hope this is not forgotten after this crisis is past and that your husband and other workers are rewarded with something more substantial than the clapping we are happy to give every Thursday.

I am sorry that your husband and other health and care workers find themselves in this predicament and hope that they get the protective equipment they need.

HeyHoLetsGoAgain Sun 19-Apr-20 01:11:21

For the avoidance of doubt, the legislation is here.
Please read it, and the post.

HeyHoLetsGoAgain Sun 19-Apr-20 01:13:08

Apologies, posted on the wrong thread!!

LittleAndOften Sun 19-Apr-20 01:17:29

@ThisMustBeMyDream have you put your "what if" plans in place? It's so surreal but we had that conversation about what would happen to our dcs if both of us died. Just crazy.

And yes @shiningstar2 it's a total disgrace. And avoidable.

OP’s posts: |
ThisMustBeMyDream Sun 19-Apr-20 01:20:09

There isn't much I can do. My parents don't want my kids. I have a boyfriend, but I would never ask or expect him to take my children on. I have no siblings.

There aren't options other than stay the fuck alive.

LittleAndOften Sun 19-Apr-20 01:23:32

@ThisMustBeMyDream oh my goodness what a terrifying position you are in. Sending you so much love. I sincerely hope you are in a union or association who is standing up for you and protecting you. It seems they are the only ones able to stand up to the government directive.

OP’s posts: |
ThisMustBeMyDream Sun 19-Apr-20 01:37:54

I am in Unison. I just don't know what they can realistically do. We have gloves pinny's and basic masks - working in community settings at present. But coming in to contact with 20-30 people per day om average, going in to people's homes, as well as GP surgeries.

WorriedMummyNow Sun 19-Apr-20 02:02:08

A friend of mine is an anaesthetist. I had an interesting conversation with her regarding the PPE situation in her trust last night.
There are actually some issues at the moment with some of the PPE (nothing to do with availability). Of course the level of protection is different depending on the risk on the wards they are on. The PPE she is meant to wear is apparently pretty rubbish: it's only effective for about an hour before it has to be changed and has a tendency to move around and not stay in place so as a result some staff, including all of her colleagues, are consistently using a higher level PPE than they're meant to instead. This is then having a knock-on effect for other departments where that level of PPE is most needed and staff on those wards are panicking that it's not available... it's because it's being used elsewhere. However on paper there should actually be enough! My friend was saying that she is seeing a lot of disconnect because those who are working out the PPE logistics aren't aware that this is going on so there is a genuine belief that there really is enough to go around.

Btw, she said regarding the rubbish PPE it's not that the government has sourced cheap or shoddy stuff, it's the same stuff they use all over the world for that level of PPE. It's just that the design isn't great full stop.

She did also say some wards were overstaffed so there is some PPE wastage there too.

TheSerenDipitY Sun 19-Apr-20 02:13:05

a lot of our medical folks have been saying they dont have enough, so many New Zealanders have joined a group to make cloth masks, to be worn over their N95 mask to extend its life, the cloth masks can be changed in between patients, and hot washed each day, and others have been making head bands with little knobs on them with a 3d printer, and ear savers with a circut machine, and you can attach a sheet of clear plastic, or a laminated sheet or even double sided tape, and delivering hundreds to hospitals, care homes and small doctors surgeries even supermarkets, and the ear savers are to hook the ear elastic on rather than a ear. i have seen pictures of medical staff wearing rubbish bags as well ( disgraceful that they have to resort to that to protect themselves and government and heath boards should be ashamed and replaced) do what you have to be protect yourself is all we can do now, so if needs must, think outside of the box and make some safety stuff for him
so we can do small things to help, it doesn't take the worry away but it does make you feel like you are helping in a small way
for those worried about home made masks, the CDC has put out a info sheet on making them and what fabrics to use and a pattern, and they are to be worn OVER a N95 mask to extend its life
this si the pattern i use and CDC page

UniversalAunt Sun 19-Apr-20 02:59:22

‘ However on paper there should actually be enough! My friend was saying that she is seeing a lot of disconnect because those who are working out the PPE logistics aren't aware that this is going on so there is a genuine belief that there really is enough to go around.’.

This is a key piece of the PPE puzzle. There are a slew of operational assumptions that hold up OK when it is all BAU, but these are exceptional times & folk on the first, second & third lines are working for far longer & in far more intensive riskier environments than ever before. What was everyday ‘good enough’ before is not so at the moment.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »