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A Summary of the guidelines

(21 Posts)
Jenasaurus Sat 18-Apr-20 14:32:11

As we enter the next 3 weeks of lockdown here is a summary of the advise:

1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house

2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not

3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open

4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work

5. You should not go to the Drs or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there

6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable people. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster

7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes or not

8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out

9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some

10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it effects

11. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11)

13. You will have many symptoms if your get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...

14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go out shopping

15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic

16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication

17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out

18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including Pizza...

19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver

20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance

21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours... six hours... I mean days, not hours... But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic

22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores to be education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am

23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am

24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of… the people who die of corona who aren’t counted won’t be counted

25. You should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected

26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music

27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus

OP’s posts: |
thewinkingprawn Sat 18-Apr-20 14:34:15

This made me laugh 🤣

Thighmageddon Sat 18-Apr-20 14:38:40

Thank you for this, been feeling so miserable but this made me snigger grin

electrichedgehog Sat 18-Apr-20 14:38:56

Thankyou. This has clarified matters for me, except for those matters which it has not.

Jenasaurus Sat 18-Apr-20 14:44:24

Its crystal clear now isnt it? My son sent it to me and I wanted to share as it made me smile and hoped others would get a little light relief from it too

OP’s posts: |
Thunderpunt Sat 18-Apr-20 16:03:01

I love this.... especially points 22 and 23.. thanks for the smile @Jenasaurus

Thunderpunt Sat 18-Apr-20 16:04:18

In fact I'm going to nick it and share it with friends to make them smile too if that's ok

Jenasaurus Sat 18-Apr-20 23:57:44

please feel free Thunderpunt

OP’s posts: |
Polly02 Sun 19-Apr-20 00:05:40

I love this list. Thank you.

FliesandPies Sun 19-Apr-20 00:06:58

Now we just need someone to hand that to Pritti Patel next time she does the briefing..she'll read anything that's written down (just like Ron Burgundy)

ARudeTerriblePerson Sun 19-Apr-20 00:10:28

I love the tiger point. Very important.

eggcream Sun 19-Apr-20 08:15:26

Very good grin

mrswhiplington Sun 19-Apr-20 11:26:46

Brilliant! Love no. 25

Jenasaurus Sun 19-Apr-20 13:58:46

Feel free to add any that may have been missed off

OP’s posts: |
HelloViroids Sun 19-Apr-20 14:02:21

Brilliant! I think 12 is one I have followed even before coronavirus...

MikeBawldwinsBras Sun 19-Apr-20 14:11:41

Just don't make shit up to justify your noseiness and/or judgement and abuse of others.

That's simple.

The legislation has always been clear.

Anything else about 'rules' was made up in someones head and now they're pissy that they can't accuse their family/friends/neighbours of being murderers because it's been clarified (which shouldn't have been needed) that they were talking out of their arse.

Sparklingbrook Sun 19-Apr-20 14:16:29

Oh god I love that. It's been my inner monologue for about 2 weeks now.

That makes it all crystal clear except for the grey areas and murky waters.

We do still need extra clarification of what can and cannot be bought from The Range though please OP.

Hotlungs Sun 19-Apr-20 14:23:52

@MikeBawldwinsBras have you actually read the OP?!

MikeBawldwinsBras Sun 19-Apr-20 15:35:01

Yes @Hotlungs. What do you think you're saying?

FOJN Sun 19-Apr-20 16:42:15

This has made me laugh. Thanks

BIWI Mon 20-Apr-20 10:13:16


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