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Anyone else feel like a rubbish mum?

(13 Posts)
Randomname85 Fri 17-Apr-20 13:30:40

My daughter (3) is usually in nursery part time (5 half days a week) and I work part time from home. My husband is now working from home and is full time but we are managing to tag team (me a few hours a day and him about 5-6).

The first couple of weeks I was quite positive about the prospect of looking after a toddler fully all day every day because first world problems right? But she hates baking, hates painting unless I do it and she watches which kind of defeats the object, only wants me to play with her in the garden running about and I’m pregnant so don’t have the energy. I am rubbish at ‘pretend’ play it just doesn’t come naturally. We are very close as she seeks me for comfort and we’re very cuddly etc but dad is much better at playing than me and is so much more inventive/creative. I usually end up resorting to peppa pig.

I think I’m pretty hormonal as am PG but I feel like a useless un-fun mum!!

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Randomname85 Fri 17-Apr-20 13:31:16

Sorry if this isn’t really relevant to the topic happy for it to be moved, but just because of the subject of all being at home due to lockdown.

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Oggden1 Fri 17-Apr-20 13:34:32

There are laods of threads in here. Your not unreasonable. It's a wierd time

Stargazer2404 Fri 17-Apr-20 13:42:30

I totally get how you feel. Im the same tbh. It feels like i can never entertain my son these days. Tried reading, colouring, kiddy puzzles.. seems like he finds me boring. Ive run out of things to bring a smile to his face other than tickling him..and even that bores him after a minute or 2. You're not alone

SleepyBoPeepy Fri 17-Apr-20 13:45:18

Yep.
Got an 8 month old and we normally do a lot of activities to fill our time. Swimming lessons, coffee mornings, visiting friends etc.
I’m finding it difficult to fill our days, she’s too young to ‘play’ with or (really) read to. We don’t have loads of toys as we normally play with the different toys at groups etc.
She’s at the age of either trying to eat or chuck everything and with books she either wants to rip the pages or, again, chuck them.
She’s crawling and the house suddenly seems a death trap. I’m struggling to do housework as I can’t turn my back for a second and she’s going through a clingy stage so can’t even leave her when she naps.
I’m leaving the tv on all day for background noise and at this point she’s going to think Marge Simpson is her second mother...
And breaaaaathe grin

BriefDisaster Fri 17-Apr-20 14:58:10

My 3 year old is the same. I have an older child too (age 6) but he won't play with his sister at all so it falls to DH and I to amuse her.

She is presently making a fort from the dining chairs and a blanket while I try to have a cup of tea in peace!

She loves Cosmic kids yoga on you tube and it keeps her amused for 30 mins at a time (a lifetime for her) worth a shot.

All of this is so hard for them at that age.

Stringervest Fri 17-Apr-20 15:02:07

Could have written your post OP. Right down to the not being great at playing and having a more creative DH. Only difference is I'm not pregnant - I have a newborn.

Lots of TV and apps on the iPad in this house. I think I'll be a better mum to older children TBH.

No advice - just empathy!

Stringervest Fri 17-Apr-20 15:05:02

Oh maybe I do have some advice. DD plays quite nicely with play doh and kinetic sand. I am better at modelling things than I am at pretending to be a fairy.

Paddling pool and water pistols for the garden on warm days. And a beach tent which DD wants to pretend to camp in, because I can pretend to be asleep.

DD is utterly wonderful, I love the bones off her. But all of this gives me a renewed admiration for her childminder.

steff13 Fri 17-Apr-20 15:06:49

I always work from home, from 7a-5:30p. My daughter is typically in school from 9a-4p, and she doesn't wake up until 8, so she's not usually around for most of my work day. My work is such that she can't be in the room while I'm doing a lot of it (legal proceedings). So, it's going from her just entertaining herself for a couple hours a day to me essentially ignoring her for 10 hours. My older sons are here, so she's not alone, but I still feel like I'm essentially ignoring her for 10 hours a day.

RenegadeMrs Fri 17-Apr-20 15:23:12

No advice, but plenty of empathy. I'm in the same boat. Pregnant and have DD (3).

She likes me to do crafts (which I hate) but doesn't do it herself. Will happily read but we've exhausted every book in the house (and we have loads). If the sun is out she will potter in the garden for a bit but it's pissing it down today.

She loves cooking, but is not that active, so I am not happy just baking with her everyday. Going for a walk is an excercise in patience for me as she is just like her father and just faffs! Squats down every 5 steps to examine every ant/leaf/stone. Currently obsessed with why birds don't have a telly. We can be gone an hour and not get out of our small estate. This in itself isn't a problem, but she is definitly not getting enough excercise. We normally do swimming and gym and she goes to playgroup and runs round with other kids.

I have been trying to teach her letters (just for something to do, I'm not really bothered that she know them at this age) but the only thing that has stuck is the letter her name starts with and that P is for poo!!

I need to squeeze in 3 hours work a day and it takes me at least 4 to get what should be 3 hours done. Resorting to screen time far too much.

I had a really big wobble yesterday at the though of another 3 weeks (at least) of lock down as I feel I'm just failing as a Mum. I know she probably won't remember this time, but I will.

mamansnet Fri 17-Apr-20 15:27:06

I'm exactly the same as you, OP. My 3 year old is driving me mad in that he answers EVERYTHING I say to him with the word No. He has started hitting me again, refuses most meals, runs away from me when we go out for a walk, even across the road (had a very nasty experience earlier today) and life is one long battle with him at the moment.

I've never been a 'let's get down on all fours and play with your toy cars' kind of mum (he plays a lot with his dad and comes to me for cuddles, Jigsaws, reading books and so on) and I'm going crazy trying to find activities to do with him during lockdown. Most suggestions are answered with 'No' and a then a fight to get him to take his shoes/tidy up/wash his hands before dinner.

I was telling my mum all this before in an effort to get out my frustration and feel a bit less like a shit mum all she could say was 'so why on EARTH' are you having a second one?'

Thanks, Mum.

Point is that a lot of us are NOT cut out for being at home full time with small children. Especially when we're not allowed to take them to the park, play with other kids and get a change of scenery. It's a completely shit time and everyone is completely stressed. I had my 20 week scan this morning and the doctor himself said being pregnant, entertaining a 3 year old and lockdown are all stressful in themselves, so having all at the same time is bloody hard. We mustn't beat ourselves up - just do what you have to do to get through it. And if that means CBeebies on a loop and cheesy pasta for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so be it!

Peanutbuttermouth Fri 17-Apr-20 15:37:48

Lockdown has made me realise I'm an awful mum! Trying to work from home, homeschool 2 primary aged kids and stay sane (as a single parent) is impossible. I give up!!

Randomname85 Fri 17-Apr-20 15:51:23

Gaaah - although I feel for you all I am grateful it’s not just me! Both my husband and I have been really busy today so we’ve mostly had to ignore her/rely on telly 😔

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