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PLEASE HELP: DH key worker and lives with elderly parents

(21 Posts)
Advicehelp Thu 16-Apr-20 16:30:04

Please give me some advice.
DH and I live with DH's parents aged 85+. DH key worker in London. DH cannot work from home and has asked to be furloughed and his company said they can't furlough him as he is a key worker. I am WFH so no issue there.

DH has taken all his annual leave until Monday. What can he do now?? He cannot go to work and put his parents at great risk surely?

OP’s posts: |
collatwrlamadamage Thu 16-Apr-20 16:33:12

I am in the same situation. You will have to follow the government advice on living with the vulnerable.

We pretty much live in the bedroom so time is limited with them. We unfortunately only have one bathroom but we wipe it down after use.

We wash our own plates and cups. We don't make food for them.

Its not ideal and I do worry.

Winter2020 Thu 16-Apr-20 16:34:36

Some people are staying away from home - lodging with a lower risk person who is also a key worker for example - would that be an option for your partner? Some people are offering their at b n b etc to key workers.

Otherwise live separately within the same building /minimising cross contamination.

unpaid leave?

Winter2020 Thu 16-Apr-20 16:35:21

*air b n b

refraction Thu 16-Apr-20 16:38:56

you have a vulnerable person living with you
Minimise as much as possible the time any vulnerable family members spend in shared spaces such as kitchens, bathrooms and sitting areas, and keep shared spaces well ventilated.
Aim to keep 2 metres (3 steps) away from vulnerable people you live with and encourage them to sleep in a different bed where possible. If they can, they should use a separate bathroom from the rest of the household. Make sure they use separate towels from the other people in your house, both for drying themselves after bathing or showering and for hand-hygiene purposes.
If you do share a toilet and bathroom with a vulnerable person, it is important that you clean them every time you use them (for example, wiping surfaces you have come into contact with). Another tip is to consider drawing up a rota for bathing, with the vulnerable person using the facilities first.
If you share a kitchen with a vulnerable person, avoid using it while they are present. If they can, they should take their meals back to their room to eat. If you have one, use a dishwasher to clean and dry the family’s used crockery and cutlery. If this is not possible, wash them using your usual washing up liquid and warm water and dry them thoroughly. If the vulnerable person is using their own utensils, remember to use a separate tea towel for drying these.
We understand that it will be difficult for some people to separate themselves from others at home. You should do your very best to follow this guidance and everyone in your household should regularly wash their hands, avoid touching their face, and clean frequently touched surfaces.

Advicehelp Thu 16-Apr-20 16:39:14

DH is so stubborn and would think that eating at the kitchen table all together is ok

OP’s posts: |
refraction Thu 16-Apr-20 16:41:14

DH is so stubborn and would think that eating at the kitchen table all together is ok

Show him the advice if he doesn't take it then that's very selfish.

Advicehelp Thu 16-Apr-20 16:43:28

Honestly, he won't listen so the only option is if he can insist on being furloughed or temporarily not working somehow

He is a very stubborn, difficult man

OP’s posts: |
StrawberryBlondeStar Thu 16-Apr-20 16:47:46

@Advicehelp your DH can’t be furloughed if his role isn’t redundant. His employers can’t furlough him and then hire someone to do his job.

StrawberryBlondeStar Thu 16-Apr-20 16:49:17

He can ask for unpaid leave, but they don’t have to agree to this.

dontdisturbmenow Thu 16-Apr-20 16:55:59

Honestly, he won't listen so the only option is if he can insist on being furloughed or temporarily not working somehow
Sorry but his attitude seems to be that he just doesn't want to work. A family member is shielding, the other works in a supermarket. They make sure not to in the same room at the same time, the bathroom and kitchen are wiped after each use, they eat at different table, use different toilet. The supermarket worker comes in, go straight to shower, clothes in the washing machine for awash right away. Front door and bannister wiped.

It can be done but if your oh would rather lose his job than make an extra effort than the blame is in him.

BuffaloCauliflower Thu 16-Apr-20 16:59:14

@Advicehelp furlough is for roles that would otherwise be at risk of redundancy. This doesn’t apply to key workers, he cannot insist on being furloughed. There seems to be such a misunderstanding of what furlough is for.

Either he can stay elsewhere during this, or he has to extremely stringent with social distancing and stay in separate rooms to his parents when he’s in the house

Advicehelp Thu 16-Apr-20 17:24:12

He wants to work but knowing him as I do (the fact he won't take proper measures) I would rather he didn't

OP’s posts: |
Moreisnnogedag Thu 16-Apr-20 17:27:29

Our workplace are offering us accommodation if we live with vulnerable/shielded groups. Depending on your role, it can also be claimed if you are concerned for your family. Has he asked his work if they have something like that?

twinnywinny14 Thu 16-Apr-20 17:30:11

Yes you and his parents all need to discussed together how this is going to work. Explain your concerns and identify how things will operate in the house when he is back to work, you all have to play a part in this x

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite Thu 16-Apr-20 17:44:25

If he is not prepared to take proper measures to protect his vulnerable parents then he needs to either:
1) Move out until lockdown is lifted.
2) Isolate himself properly from the rest of you within the home whilst continuing to work.
3) Ask for unpaid leave and hope his employer grants it.

LilacTree1 Thu 16-Apr-20 17:51:29

What do his parents want?

goingoverground Thu 16-Apr-20 17:59:53

Our company is offering accommodation too.

My DC are at London universities and there are loads of empty student homes that aren't being used but the students are tied into contracts so they are still paying rent. I know some of the medical students have given over their empty rooms to NHS workers. You could probably find a sublet for a peppercorn rent quite easily.

caringcarer Thu 16-Apr-20 18:33:25

The elderly parents should be sheltering. That means isolating themselves in their bedroom and not mixing in the lounge with others. You could prepare them food and leave at their bedroom door. Your DH is a key worker and it is not fair to his colleagues if he does not step up as it means even extra work for them to do. He could lodge with a colleague until pandemic over. If he simply refuses to go to work when he is not Ill he will likely loose respect of his colleagues who are going to extraordinary measures to step up. Does he work for NHS?

caringcarer Thu 16-Apr-20 18:37:52

Key workers cannot be furloughed. He could ask for unpaid leave but employers do not have to give it. He could face disciplinary procedures. He needs to go to work and elderly parents self isolate in their bedroom.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 16-Apr-20 18:38:23

He's happy to go out to work and come out and sit down for dinner with his elderly parents? Then I don't think there much you can do.

How do they feel about it?

Ultimately if they won't protect themselves and he doesn't care, you're pissing into the wind

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