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Has anyone told their partner not to bother taking them for medical help?

(39 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

milkcartoncat Mon 13-Apr-20 18:59:12

I know I’d be a waste of resource so I’ve made it clear not to bother taking me because I wouldn’t be given any assistance anyway.
I’ve written it down - do I need to make this official in some way?

OP’s posts: |
OhLook Mon 13-Apr-20 19:01:39

Is that legal? To just let someone die without getting them any medical help at all? It seems very wrong to me.. are you getting confused with DNR?

milkcartoncat Mon 13-Apr-20 19:03:20

I think so. Weren’t some gps asking exactly that if you had pre-existing conditions?

OP’s posts: |
Dozer Mon 13-Apr-20 19:03:22

That’s very unfair on your partner. Write down your wishes then leave the decision making to health professionals.

Judystilldreamsofhorses Mon 13-Apr-20 19:03:48

I did one of those living Will things, stating I wouldn’t want to be ventilated. We are childless, and i think it would be better to free up resources for parents if it came down to a choice. I did state that I would want to be made comfortable at home though.

Bienentrinkwasser Mon 13-Apr-20 19:04:31

Are you very elderly or do you have a terminal illness?

Watertorture Mon 13-Apr-20 19:05:39

Medical help could be a bit of oxygen. It doesn't have to mean a ventilator. Don't you want to survive, if you can?

OhLook Mon 13-Apr-20 19:05:52

Not being ventilated is different from not having any treatment at all. I think your partner would be asked why they didn't get you help.

PumpkinP Mon 13-Apr-20 19:08:23

Op your posts are very concerning (op is in an abusive relationship and has another thread about this)

Judystilldreamsofhorses Mon 13-Apr-20 19:10:07

Oh, I know, ohlook and of course I hope I don’t get it at all! But I would rather be making an informed choice rather than the choice be left to someone else. I’m mid 40s and no health conditions.

Quartz2208 Mon 13-Apr-20 19:10:20

Oh milk you are on a spiral arent you

What is your condition that you think it is not worth getting help with. Ventilation is definitely a later stage and I dont think they were planning on not giving first line treatment and indeed DNRs are something else entirely

milkcartoncat Mon 13-Apr-20 19:12:53

I thought there was a thread were someone said their dr was asking if they’d want to go to hospital. I’ve seen a video of that too - so I assume it must be a choice?

OP’s posts: |
Ginfilledcats Mon 13-Apr-20 19:15:14

Well you're being a tad melodramatic aren't you. Where in the NHS constitution does it say no one would help you? They're admitting treating and discharging 100 year old people with comorbidities, what's so wrong with you that they wouldn't even try?

I get you're scared, I really do, but honestly a) you would absolutely be treated and b) the mortality rate is low.

I think you need to speak to your gp or mental health support

Quartz2208 Mon 13-Apr-20 19:16:51

Going into hospital is always a choice (unless you are sectioned)

What is your condition though OP it is very difficult to advise and know whether you are been pragmatic or anxious without knowing more

milkcartoncat Mon 13-Apr-20 19:21:36

I’m not anxious about it, I just don’t want any help. I’d sooner be left.
I think it’s always a choice isn’t it - in the same way people can refuse blood transfusions, which means they’d die even though they could have survived with one?
I just want to know, can I say I don’t want any treatment.

OP’s posts: |
Ginfilledcats Mon 13-Apr-20 19:23:14

You absolutely can refuse treatment as long as you are of sound mind if that is your choice.

Just wondering why you would though? You might get it mildly and only need rehydration fluids and that would be your life saved. Are you ok?

Bienentrinkwasser Mon 13-Apr-20 19:24:12

You sound like you’re having some difficulties with your mental health at the moment OP. I know on your other thread you said you’ve given up leaving the house or getting dressed. Do you think you might feel differently if you were in a better frame of mind? Surely your children would be devastated if you died, especially if they then found out you didn’t have as lol the medical care available?

Quartz2208 Mon 13-Apr-20 19:24:34

Yes of course you can you always can nothing can ever be done without your consent

But are you sure it is the right decision - they arent any underlying conditions that have a 100% death rate and it is just ventilation and DNR that are looked at not first line oxygen treatment

I am on your other thread though please seek help

oohnicevase Mon 13-Apr-20 19:25:04

Are you depressed because it seems a weird thing to ask unless you are life limited . Obvs your choice but a weird one.

Bagelsandbrie Mon 13-Apr-20 19:26:31

I think if you were struggling to breathe you might not feel this way. It’s easy to say you don’t want help but survival instinct is very strong.

Not everyone with health issues etc etc will automatically die from it. You’re wrong to assume that.

milkcartoncat Mon 13-Apr-20 19:26:46

Thank you. That’s all I wanted to be sure of. That I don’t have to have any treatment if I don’t want it. Even if dh called an ambulance I don’t have to go.
That’s all I wanted to know.
I don’t have it at the moment, but we are all going to catch this at some point - I just wanted to know where I stood with it.
I am absolutely certain I wouldn’t want any intervention.

OP’s posts: |
TwentyViginti Mon 13-Apr-20 19:28:51

OP, from your previous threads you are in a coersive, controlling relationship, and you are clearly depressed. More than likely because of your partner's behaviour. Please seek help.

RoryGilmoree Mon 13-Apr-20 19:30:18

It's not quite as simple as that. If you're deemed to need life saving treatment and couldn't consent and there is no treatment escalation plan or legal replacement in place, you'd be taken in regardless.

If you don't want to go in and the paramedics are concerned for your mental health then you could be sectioned although that is complex.

Just deciding you don't want to go in isn't really as straightforward as you say and unless you're very frail or an end of life patient, it wouldn't really happen.

Please seek help, you sound very sad and you wouldn't be a burden. Please speak to your GP /the Samaritans/111.

Samtsirch Mon 13-Apr-20 19:30:55

OP is your partner reluctant to let you be alone because you are depressed and suicidal, or are you depressed as a result of being in an abusive relationship?
Either way you need to seek professional help, for your own sake and the sake of your children.

Quartz2208 Mon 13-Apr-20 19:32:00

even oxygen?

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