This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
How can I get DD home safely?(39 Posts)
I am really struggling to find a definitive answer. My DD lives in London in a flat within the home of one of our family while she is at Uni. She also works in London. We had a series of events, she was finishing her final year project that needed to be submitted in person, she had to go to work, the Covid situation was not, at that stage, the critical situation it is now and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I live 30 miles away with DS, who is 9 and ASD/ADHD. My diagnosis and surgery were fast and at that point, I was able to rely on a small group of trusted friends to help with DS. Then lockdown happened immediately after my surgery.
I now have a significant problem. I will be having active treatment going forward at a hospital some distance away and will need to make a daily 60 mile round trip, DS can't come with me for this. I now can't ask any of my friends for childcare obviously. All are pulling their hair out wanting to help but we all know that isn't possible. If I am able to get DD home for the foreseeable, then she can be here for her brother and it will take an enormous amount of pressure and worry away for me.
Unfortunately, the other occupants of the house DD lives in have not been so careful with isolating and staying in. DD has stayed in her space almost all of the time. None of the other occupants have had any symptoms. DD had a cold around 4 weeks ago and as a precaution, isolated for 7 days because she has a public facing job that requires face to face contact so knew she was at risk. Nothing materialised from that.
I had hoped to rely on ex-h for help as he lives very remotely on a farm with few people around. However, his delightful
cunt of a girlfriend OW took my diagnosis and the Covid situation as a reason to ban DS from their property and effectively end contact. She did not want ex-h "helping" me. She also went on holiday with her son last week, apparently, and now there is no way on earth I can send DS there as the risk to him and me is far too great.
DS and I remain well and symptom free. We are trying to find the safest way possible for DD to come home. I am thinking if family member she lives with can drive her home and she isolates for 7 days here, then it should be OK? As I say, nobody she lives with has had symptoms. I think this would fall under "essential travel" and "care of a vulnerable person". However, so many threads on here have said that things like this simply can't happen and we would be hugely irresponsible for even thinking of entertaining it.
I really don't know what to do, what are your thoughts on this?
Get her home any way you can. In your situation that is what I would do.
I think that sounds sensible enough and the best option tbh.
What you are suggesting definitely fits essential travel and care of a vulnerable person. If not, then what could? And sorry your ex is being no help.
Go and get her/have her dropped off. Reason for travel: care of vunerable person.
As far as I see it, the main risk is her risk to transfer something to you. Any way you can get her to isolate before she gets to you would be a bonus. Definitely sounds like she is needed at home.
Absolutely get her home, this clearly comes under the ‘supporting the vulnerable’ category.
You are allowed to travel to care for the vulnerable. It’s perfectly ok for her to come home to help you.
Self isolating for 7-14 days when she gets there sounds like a very sensible idea.
All the best with your treatment 💐
Just get her home and do whatever you thinkis best good luck with everything
What everyone else said!
Can't believe your Ex
She should isolate for 2 weeks I think. But aside from that it would fall under care of vulnerable person.
I'm sorry about your diagnosis. What a shitty time for it. I too had cancer (not breast) and have several friends in active treatment having similar dilemmas.
I'd say bring her home and try to isolate her / stay away from her for 7 days just to give you an extra layer of protection and after that carry on as normal.
Sounds fair but she would need to isolate for 14 days to be safe. 7 days only works if you have symptoms already
Yes i think it falls under essential travel*
Thanks for positive responses, that's helpful. Currently I am waiting for a telephone appointment with Oncologist next week. I had intended to ask for an opinion then but really think we need to get a plan of action in place now. Fortunately DD is used to isolation as she likes her own company but I am concerned about others who have been in and out and mixing with other households (also within the family and a few doors away).
A friend of mine did something similar just before the lockdown started. He hired an isolated air bnb for two weeks to isolate before he went home to look after vulnerable parents.
I think she should try and isolate away for you for the first two weeks. If not possible then you should be trying to live separately and isolate within the same house.
@RandomMess Oh God, he's a pain, I am sure you were on my hideous threads years ago. He's also just put in a court application to enforce an order HE broke and cited the reason for that as my "insane jealousy" of his impending
third marriage. When I told him about my cancer and said I'd need a bit of help going forward, he mumbled something and drove off. Marvellous man
I know it is a "risk" but it probably marginal and you need her home.
Self isolation would need to be 14 days. It's 7 days from development of symptoms.
Legislation allows moving house and caring for vulnerable people.
We have a 3 bed house, 2 bathrooms. So I could make her stay in her room and bring her food and she could use one bathroom and DS and I the other. It's not great as it's not a massive house, but we would do what was necessary. I think I will wait til I speak to Oncologist and then ask her to isolate for two weeks before coming home.
Sorry to hear of your situation, it all sounds just awful as if you haven't enough on your plate without these extra logistics. I wouldn't worry about the reasoning for the journey, that is completely fine! Nobody would question that. Just figure out who can drive her to get her to you ASAP. Wishing you the best
so many threads on here have said that things like this simply can't happen and we would be hugely irresponsible for even thinking of entertaining it
None of those have the circumstances you do.
Get her home, get her to isolate for as long as is actually feasible - if your treatment will start before 14 days are up then of course you won’t have much choice. Once you begin treatment you will be the one at most risk anyway, unfortunately. I’m so sorry you’re facing this.
inadequate but sent with hope for you.
It's allowed under the exemptions.
One of your friends looking after your Ds would also be allowed (care of a vulnerable person) although of course they would need to comfortable with the risk.
You can reduce the risk if your DD self isolated as much as possible when she arrives. It's not ideal, but if it's the only way then it must be done.
I think the earlier you could ask her to isolate the better - if she’d effectively been in isolation already for a period, it would make the time she needed to isolate within your home shorter. I know she’d be sharing a car journey but for a journey of 30 miles the risk would not be too great.
Join the discussion
Please login first.