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Anyone else's relatives driving them mad with shopping requests?

(28 Posts)
Burpeesshmurpees Wed 08-Apr-20 20:45:46

So I'm shopping for my immediate family (obviously) as well as my parents and an elderly relative in her 90's. This is fine. I'm happy to do this because due to their ages (early 70s and mid 90s) and various health issues they would all be deemed high risk. What's driving me crazy though is that all of them seem to have no freaking idea of organising themselves. For instance twice this week I've asked them if they need anything before I've done my own shop (I do theirs on a separate trip) and once when I had to pick up a prescription for DH. Both times I was told they were fine thanks nothing needed and both times I got a phone call the day after I've gone telling me they need various items urgently and really can't wait. It's driving me nuts!! I really don't want to be going out more than I need. Myself, DH and both DC are all asthmatic albeit fairly mildly and not only that but I don't have the time!! I'm trying to wfh, homeschool my DC ha! and sort everyone out. The thing is none of them really have any concept of how busy my life is at the moment or that actually even though I'm a lesser risk than any of them that's not the same as no risk.
I've considered telling them that no unless it's an emergency I won't be doing another trip but I'm worried they'd just go out themselves and put themselves at risk. WWYD?

OP’s posts: |
Lavendersquare Wed 08-Apr-20 20:49:42

My in-laws are exactly the same and its driving us mad. We've been fortunate to get click and collect slots the past three weeks and before ordering I ask them what they need/want and without fail they fail to tell me half of what's needed!

Burpeesshmurpees Wed 08-Apr-20 20:50:02

Just to be clear I don't mean that I wouldn't still get their shopping for them, only that I wouldn't get the extras unless it was being added to my own shop so I wouldn't have to make an extra journey

OP’s posts: |
rc22 Wed 08-Apr-20 20:50:42

My parents are ok now but wound me up when the supermarkets were much lower on stock. "We don't usually get that bread. We normally get a smaller loaf than that." I had to count to ten before explaining that I had had to visit three shops just to find them any loaf!!

Burpeesshmurpees Wed 08-Apr-20 20:53:48

I think it's because they have never actually had to do shopping themselves under these conditions and so they've always been a bit lazy with planning what they need because they've always been able to just pop out and get stuff and they haven't really got out of this mindset. A trip to the supermarket with the crazy queuing before you can even get in would probably change their thought pattern but that's not going to happen

OP’s posts: |
goldpendant Wed 08-Apr-20 20:54:34

YES! Me! My dad is a flippin nightmare!

Rainbowqueeen Wed 08-Apr-20 20:57:57

Can you tell them a couple of days in advance. So hi relative I’m going shopping on Saturday, will contact you that morning for your list. Then I won’t be going out again till Tuesday
They are possibly used to going out every day themselves so are having to readjust

Then when you get their list, run through it with them. Eg so the fish is for Saturday nights dinner, the eggs for Sunday and the beef for Monday. What about lunches for those days? are you sure you have enough tea to last till Tuesday? Have you checked your toiletries? Etc
Hopefully they should improve

MillieMoodle Wed 08-Apr-20 21:10:13

I'm shopping for my parents (early 70's and both with health conditions), as well as my own family. They aren't as bad as some of your relatives, but they can produce a list as long as my arm the day after I have been shopping! They have been self-isolating for 4 weeks so are slowly getting to grips with how it's all working. I have started to say when I am next planning on going to the supermarket so they have time to do a meal plan and proper list. We are slowly finding a way to manage.

Fruit and veg - I am ordering from a local wholesalers and having it delivered straight to them, the boxes also include milk, bread and eggs plus I can add extra milk, flour etc.

Meat/cheese - I am ordering from the butcher, collecting once a week and delivering to them.

Milk/bread I am getting from our local shop which is very quiet and only two people allowed in at once.

Anything else - trying to limit supermarket visits to once every 2 weeks.

They are starting to understand how stressful/risky it is to go to the supermarket and are learning to live without a newspaper every day! I've found it stressful at times but we are all trying to find a new normal and tbf they are very grateful and give me a massive list of stuff to only get "if I see it" grin

RockysMa Wed 08-Apr-20 21:13:10

Yes!! The bananas were too big (sigh)

Mlou32 Wed 08-Apr-20 21:13:54

My mother is like this, a real pain in the arse. What I do is call her and say that I'm going to the shops tomorrow. Could she please write out a list and I'll call in a couple of hours once she's had a chance to do this, to find out what she needs. I tell her that I won't be able to shop any other day this week so she gets what she needs now or goes without. It works 95% of the time.

Derbygerbil Wed 08-Apr-20 21:17:59

I've considered telling them that no unless it's an emergency I won't be doing another trip but I'm worried they'd just go out themselves and put themselves at risk.

You’re being a martyr! Why can’t you tell them how busy your life is and, if it’s not genuinely urgent, just say “no”. If they do go out regardless, that’s up to them. They’re adults and you’re not responsible for what they do. I’m normally a very accommodating person but I can’t imagine letting my parents give me the run around low that.

Floralista Wed 08-Apr-20 21:27:40

I've been doing my parents online Asda order for them for a few years now (both visually impaired) but obviously now there are many missing items on the day. We have a system whereby I check the order update email on the delivery morning, then I do my weekly top up and get their missing items in one trip, drop in their porch and go. I had to set clear boundaries about this though grin as my dad especially would have everyone running around after him. Just remind them that every extra journey is a risk to you and your family too

RestYourHead Wed 08-Apr-20 21:32:58

MIL. Bless her. Not disorganised, just very specific.

English strawberries.
Purple sprouting brocolli.
Sweetheart cabbage.
Romaine lettuce.

Erm you will be lucky to get any version of those items. She's used to shopping in M&Shmm

CountryPlumpkin Wed 08-Apr-20 21:33:41

My Mum always waits until I have arrived to drop her shopping off before asking me for three or four other vital items that she just realised she needs.

Speaking of which, she left me a voicemail today asking if I could get her some nasturtiums for her garden as she wants to add a bit of colour to her borders ... I had to wait half an hour to calm down before I rang her back.

Grasspigeons Wed 08-Apr-20 21:36:07

Yes! Exactly that. Plus really really specific items and no understanding that some items are in short supply or non existent.

DownyBuds Wed 08-Apr-20 21:39:46

Me! I’m shopping for my parents and my in laws. Both hours away so have to rely on online shopping and we all know how difficult it is to get a delivery shop. They are starting to understand that they can’t choose exactly what they want but my parents always have something to complain about. Today they wouldn’t shut up about the short dates on some of the things.

Karwomannghia Wed 08-Apr-20 21:42:17

Fortunately our shielding neighbours are so organised they wrote an itemised priced up list after going on the Tesco website in good time for the delivery. Never ask for anything, only when we’re going anyway and had stocked up the freezer before lockdown. Feel very lucky!

AhoyMrBeaver Wed 08-Apr-20 21:46:10

I'm going to one supermarket, once a week, and shopping for ourselves and two other households. I'm not giving any indication that it's possible for me to be flexible or accommodating of whim! I'm still working so I don't have the inclination, time or energy to be running around on fool's errands.

NaturalBornWoman Wed 08-Apr-20 21:53:42

My daughter’s in laws are both shielded and are a bloody nightmare asking for small shops all the time. I’ve told her she’ll have to be firm, this is the day me or DH is going to the supermarket and you’ll need to make a list for at least a week’s shopping. They don’t normally shop daily so they are being ridiculous. It’s very selfish.

Danceswithwarthogs Wed 08-Apr-20 21:54:37

I’m not the shopper (thankfully), but my elderly relative wanted caramel crunch biscuits which are the own brand version of a twix that only Tesco do

Istical Wed 08-Apr-20 21:58:02

DS 21 was tasked with DFs shopping this week, as I've had to stay in 😷. I'm waiting to hear how that turned out 😂

Lumene Wed 08-Apr-20 21:58:25

I would say I’m going once a week, if you want anything let me know by x day, otherwise I can get it for you the next week.

Jokie Wed 08-Apr-20 22:03:34

Oh yes. Some from my isolating neighbour:

"I don't like that type of ham"
"I prefer a different type of cheddar"
"Did they not have gold top?"
... Her list?
Ham, cheese, milk: whatever you can find. hmm

Amortentia Wed 08-Apr-20 22:07:08

I’m the same, unfortunately I’m the only person in my immediate and extended family who can go out. Now I call them in advance tell them I’m only going once that week, if they want anything they should text me a list. If it’s not on the list they don’t get it until the following week, it’s been working remarkably well. 😂

wheetos Wed 08-Apr-20 22:10:00

Well that's just tough for them then isn't it! If they forget they'll have to wait until the next time and I'm sure they won't forget then.

Do not put yourself at more risk.

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