So I know that in the scheme of things I'm very lucky, first world problem compared to the many frontline people.
But I am really struggling with the guilt of having to work from home more or less all the time and not having any time to devote to my DD.
A little thing happened earlier this week which really made me feel shit: a well-meaning friend who is a SAHM dropped some food off in a socially distanced fashion and my DD asked her if her kids were playing a specific video game at the moment. Friend said "no, they're not allowed to go on screens so they don't know about this." I said in a crestfallen way that that option wasn't open to me as I was working. How shit did I feel?
DD essentially has to be on a screen a substantial part of the time or I can't work. Yes I do break it up a bit with enforced reading, time in the garden etc. But generally speaking she requires more input from me with these things. The beauty of a screen and the thing which makes it so dangerous is that they are able to stay on them longer, allowing more work to be done. If I take time out every half hour for home schooling/cooking etc I'm basically reneging on my commitment to work by massively slowing things down.
I know my friend wasn't trying to be hurtful and she has been a wonderful friend in many other ways. And she has her own struggles. But it did make me feel quite resentful that she has the luxury of being able to do all these lovely, ersatz Victorian childhood things with her kids and to feel superior to me because I have to shove mine in front of a screen in order to be able to guarantee enough undisturbed time to be able to work to pay the mortgage.
In the scheme of things its a minor whinge. But I do feel at the moment there's a real divide between those of us who can afford not to rely on screens and those who basically can't work without them and I feel fucking awful that I'm having to do it to my kid.
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Covid
Really struggling with guilt about not being able to "parent"
thepeopleversuswork · 08/04/2020 12:11
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