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Teenage son, school-work refusal

(23 Posts)
fitnotfat Mon 06-Apr-20 15:34:25

My 15 year old son (with adhd and school refusal tendencies at the best of times) has completely refused to do any school work whatsoever.
He has signed in to google classroom once in two weeks and didn't even complete any assignments. He outright refuses and becomes rude when I try to push him to do anything.
It's just me and him at home, and enforcing boundaries has always been difficult as he becomes so disruptive.
Do I keep pressing him/face the teenage wrath or just forget about it? 😩

Any ideas?

OP’s posts: |
HarrietSchulenberg Mon 06-Apr-20 15:49:21

Let school know he's refusing to complete the work then let it go. My advice is that equilibrium in the home is more important at the moment.
Do make sure he knows he'll have to explain himself to his teachers when he gets back to school, though.

fitnotfat Mon 06-Apr-20 16:09:53

@HarrietSchulenberg
Thanks, equilibrium definitely of key importance, you're right. It's hard not to stress myself out about it, but he seems so unbothered it actually stresses me out more!

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Petiolaris Mon 06-Apr-20 16:26:05

Turn the internet off. Remove his phone. Don’t let him watch tv. Why would you even consider just ignoring your child’s disobedience?

EwwSprouts Mon 06-Apr-20 16:29:21

Are you not technically on Easter holidays now? I would let it go for the holiday period but be clear online work set when term starts again needs doing. Agree at that point if no online learning being completed no wifi access.

Lovemusic33 Mon 06-Apr-20 16:31:07

My 14 year old dd is the same, she has ASD and just refuses to do any work outside of school. School are aware and have told me to concentrate on life skills and don’t push the school work too hard.

MitziK Mon 06-Apr-20 16:41:24

It's the Easter holidays now.

Leave him be for a fortnight. After removing the wifi router and cancelling his data/phone contract.

Otherrooms Mon 06-Apr-20 16:51:57

What is he doing instead?

If he's just playing video games switch the internet off.
He can trade: 1hr work for 1 hr internet.
No work, no internet.

As others have said, it's the Easter holiday now so work shouldn't be coming through.
However, if he's got catching up to do, start he routine now.

Perpetuallytiredzzz Mon 06-Apr-20 16:57:03

We have the same with 11yo dd who is ASD. We have left it over the Easter holidays but going to try and tackle again when next term starts. despite her having an EHCP we get zero contact or support from school since they closed and she has been violent, aggressive and nasty when we try and force her to do anything. It’s tough and I think you do your best but you have to prioritise home at the moment, we have a young child as well and need to protect her wellbeing as well flowers for you op, or wine! It’s not easy

sandragreen Mon 06-Apr-20 16:57:27

I agree with Harriet

Obviously nobody here aside from you can know how his ADHD affects him, but I would explain really calmly that his school work avoidance won't have any impact whatsoever on your life, it will only affect him. Say you love him and want the best for him, but as you cannot do the work for him, your responsibility ends with providing him with the right tools and environment to do the work. If he chooses not to bother, he will be the one suffering, as you will be off on a cruise.

Yeah, I know life isn't that simple but it might make him view it differently. Good luck flowers

fitnotfat Mon 06-Apr-20 17:40:34

@Petiolaris because when I've tried doing what you've mentioned, it causes violence and aggression to the point where I've called the police before for advice. There have been dark times when I've tried to do the "right thing" as sadly, my child doesn't respond to reason or consequences in the same way others do.

OP’s posts: |
fitnotfat Mon 06-Apr-20 17:42:31

@Perpetuallytiredzzz It's so difficult isn't it, my child sounds so similar to yours in that way...responding with violence and aggression.
💐 and 🥂to you too xx

OP’s posts: |
fitnotfat Mon 06-Apr-20 17:44:16

I wish it was as easy as "switch the internet off" 😩
It's just me at home with him, with no place to run when he becomes nasty and no one else to turn too.

OP’s posts: |
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Mon 06-Apr-20 18:04:44

Are there other things that he’d enjoy doing, that could be classed (even loosely) as educational? Baking or cooking, for example, or watching history or nature documentaries - so you can feel he is getting something from the activity, even if he isn’t doing his actual schoolwork, but he isn’t kicking off at you - as @HarrietSchulenberg says, equilibrium and peace at home are even more important than normal, at this time.

Foobydoo Mon 06-Apr-20 18:13:18

When my school refuser was given online learning in year 9 we just did two hours a day, she was only allowed her phone and ipad after she had completed it. Sometimes I had to sit at the computer doing the physical work whilst asking her the answers. It was hard. I likened it to herding cats.
I would compromise as much as possible. I also find with children like ours, giving them as much control as possible helps. So ask would you rather do maths or English or do your work before of after lunch helps.
I would aim for on lesson a day to be completed to start, then build on it if you can.
These are unprecedented times and he wont be the only one struggling to complete work.

Starlightstarbright1 Mon 06-Apr-20 18:19:07

I have a child with Adhd however we still have to find a way to parent them.

There is a problem bigger than the school work. You have to find a way for him to move forward.

Get him exercising as soon as he is up and had breakfast- my Ds is far worse without exercise.

Is there ways he will use . Via you tube games, getting involved e life skills - cooking , I got my Ds to read the eclectic metre, strip and remake his bed ( I did wash the bedding in between)

Follow drawing things on you tube . It might not be the learning school want but it is moving forward.

The more time spent online the worse the mood.

Another tip . I know lots who have said time restrictions on WiFi work far better then mum/ dad turning off the WiFi

Starlightstarbright1 Mon 06-Apr-20 18:19:53

Meant to also say after Easter bbc bite size are doing online lessons after Easter

loutypips Mon 06-Apr-20 18:21:04

You know what? I wouldn't push for him to do anything at the moment.
Both of yours mental health is more important than getting into battles about school work.
Is there anything else he is interested in that is even a little educational?

Fidgety31 Mon 06-Apr-20 18:25:22

He’s 15 so not really of an age where you can order him about .
Also his adhd will make him more aggressive when you try that .
I found with my son - now 18 and very severe adhd - is to pick my battles wisely .
If he won’t do school work out of school - which is quite common for kids like this - then leave it be .
See if there is something different he might enjoy doing with you instead .

fitnotfat Mon 06-Apr-20 20:52:40

Thank you all for the kind words and good advice... I actually got him to bake biscuits with me this afternoon! He was weighing things out and mixing ingredients, that's the most he's done in a fortnight!
Also thanks for the suggestion of the bite size vids...hopefully we can take a look at them together.
I'm trying not to worry but it's so hard to get him out of his room, he doesn't even want a conversation half the time.

OP’s posts: |
Perpetuallytiredzzz Tue 07-Apr-20 08:23:26

@fitnotfat glad to hear you managed to get your son to do the baking, every little thing helps! I managed to get dd to have a small walk round the block the other day and spend an evening talking about future possible holidays (wishful thinking really!) and it felt like a win smile

Punxsutawney Tue 07-Apr-20 08:35:05

Ds is 15 and has ASD. He has always struggled with school work at home. He hates bringing school stuff into his safe home environment. He's in year 11 so isn't doing anything at the moment.

I would say don't push but see anything that does get done as a positive. Dealing with a neurodiverse child in these circumstances is difficult and far more complex than 'just turn the Internet off'.

The baking sounds great and good luck with it all.

electrichedgehog Tue 07-Apr-20 12:42:56

Im having the same issues with my ASD daughter. She can't cope with school and home mixing at all. We're giving it a break for the easter holiday and after that I'm going to try and get some learning in based around what she's actually interested in, like looking at the statistics and probabilities involved in her videogame kills and writing/blogging game walkthroughs and weapon reviews etc

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