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Anyone else's husband leaving them to work from home and do all the child care?!

(31 Posts)
OwlinaTree Tue 31-Mar-20 18:47:04

Just that really. He's up in the spare room on calls all day while I work in the dining room and entertain the kids angry

He can't help having to be on calls but it's really pissing me off.

OP’s posts: |
LouiseTrees Tue 31-Mar-20 19:30:22

Suggest he takes them all night

OwlinaTree Tue 31-Mar-20 19:50:25

I don't want to work all night though. I want to relax in the evenings.

OP’s posts: |
zsazsajuju Tue 31-Mar-20 19:52:49

What annoys me about that is so many men just assume their work is more important

AreWeAnywhereNear Tue 31-Mar-20 19:59:20

My DH has just been furloughed, role reversal time as my job is only getting busier.

He's now fully in charge of the teenagers, running the house and ensuring the electricity usage is not at full capacity - did I mention the teenagers winkgrin

I'm going to have to lower my standards and chill out wineginwinegin

Mumoftwoyoungkids Tue 31-Mar-20 20:02:25

I don't want to work all night though. I want to relax in the evenings.

He can definitely do tea and bedtime though.

OwlinaTree Tue 31-Mar-20 20:04:12

Zsazsa I think this is it really, his dad was the one with a job when he was growing up.

OP’s posts: |
paintcolourwoes Tue 31-Mar-20 20:05:16

We have a bit of this. I’ve had two Teams meetings interrupted by small children this week. I just left them free ranging this afternoon while he was on Skype with his boss grin - thing is, his work does pay more, and is more urgent than mine. But it’s annoying because I still have to at least appear to be doing my job, and also the childcare/home exercise/feeding everyone apparently hmm

OwlinaTree Tue 31-Mar-20 20:05:17

He does do the cooking TBF.

OP’s posts: |
dimdarkashian Tue 31-Mar-20 20:06:54

I just started and thread and then saw yours! Yes and I am sooooo mightily pissed off about the unfairness of it. I am working every night until midnight because of it

BriefDisaster Tue 31-Mar-20 20:24:44

Yip and it pisses me off because his calls all seem utterly pointless while I have the much busier job which also pays more.

In fairness though he is making dinner and dealing with them from that point on but come that time I am exhausted from dealing with them most of the day and then have to get through all my work.

I've told him he has to start rearranging some of his calls because I can't fit any of my own ones in through the day. We work for the same organisation so they will all know fine well how busy my team are and should be a bit more understanding.

Clickncollect Tue 31-Mar-20 20:28:35

Both DH and I are trying to work from home and entertain our 3 year old DS. I envisaged exactly your scenario OP and thought ‘nope, I’m not having that’ and drew up a spreadsheet which neither of us is allowed to deviate from. Two weeks in and it’s going along fine.
For what it’s worth, I earn double my DH but it doesn’t mean my work is more important that his.

thewalrus Tue 31-Mar-20 20:53:20

Yes, but he's NHS (management) and (obviously) very busy. Still going into work a fair bit and working very long hours/on calls etc when here.
I WFH anyway, self-employed, so thinking I'll need to cut back a bit, realistically. I am doing all the childcare, running around for relatives etc as well as my job, but that seems fair enough in the circumstances. Doesn't sound like it is in your case though.

Piixxiiee Tue 31-Mar-20 21:00:38

Yes I could have written your post. He cant help it as constantly in calls etc but its hard going. I ended up working after kids in bed last night. It came go on like this but his work are being very strict and he has to be inline and accessible

Blankiefan Tue 31-Mar-20 21:06:14

Absolutely not. DD is as much his as she is mine and at 6yo, she needs parented actively. We're aware that we're lucky to be able to do this. We've split our hours to have a standard routine then check in each day to see if either of us need to tweak things.

I earn about 30% more than him but don't expect my work to dominate either. Both of our careers are important to us.

fairgroundsnack Tue 31-Mar-20 21:08:33

Take it in turns to have the spare room, the other has the dining room and kids.

GoldenBlue Tue 31-Mar-20 21:09:14

My friend with young kids is tag teaming with her husband. No one is on calls all day, they take and hour or 2 at a time and then hand over to the other one to supervise whilst trying still to work a bit.

They have both had to lower their standards and expectations but both are managing to do some work

Lovelydovey Tue 31-Mar-20 21:09:42

I feel this. I earn more, yet am fielding the childcare, making 3 x meals a day and having to hot desk around the house as he has taken over the dining room table as he needs the space. I ran a team meeting from the garden this afternoon as he was complaining about the noise when I was on a call... he’s also complaining that I am going to bed early so I can get up and do 2 hours uninterrupted work in the morning at 5am before the kids get up. I can’t win...

BoffinMum Tue 31-Mar-20 21:10:19

Mine has spent quite a bit of time on calls while we are both working from home and has also done the washing each week (no ironing, mind) and occasionally cooks supper if he's in a suitable mood BUT

He gets up at 10.30am.
He has a little sleep after the lunch I have usually prepared for us all to stop people snacking and thereby using up all the precious food, while messing up the kitchen constantly.
He often scuttles into his study 'because he just has to focus on something important'

Meanwhile
I get up at 7am, do the cleaning, stock take supplies, co-ordinate complex food purchasing arrangements, then homeschool the kids 9-3, take the youngest out for a bit so we get some air, and also fit a full-time university job around it all.

This evening I just sat with my laptop on the sofa and he pulled his finger out a bit more but still ....

WhateverHappenedToBathPearls Tue 31-Mar-20 21:10:41

Mine gave it a go. I had to get a bit shitty, especially as in the current climate my job is more important. We now split the days in half.

TokyoSushi Tue 31-Mar-20 21:12:56

Yep. As the operations manager, DH is pissing about in a now empty warehouse while I work full time from home and manage 2 DC, bloody brilliant!

He does cook and has played a long game of football in the garden and taken them to wak the god this evening though!

TokyoSushi Tue 31-Mar-20 21:15:34

Walk the dog 😳😳😳

SueEllenMishke Tue 31-Mar-20 21:18:06

No and I wouldn't stand for it. We're both working full time with a 5 year old in the house but we're managing to share things pretty equally.
He earns double my salary but doesn't view his job as more important. In fact, I have some really, really important meetings tomorrow so he's taken annual leave so he can entertain/homeschool DS all day rather than trying to split it. He's a diamond.

FlamingoMingo Tue 31-Mar-20 21:18:20

I'm shocked at the attitude of lots of these DH's. We have 2 young primary age DC and share the childcare 50/50 around the various calls we both have to be on. DH earns more than me but my job is possibly a bit more secure. He's just had to take a 20% paycut for three months sad with a further likelihood of having his hours reduced in the coming weeks and possibly furloughed too. In the current situation we both need to be able to do our jobs effectively and that means working as a team with the whole children schooling / feeding / cooking etc.

camelfinger Tue 31-Mar-20 21:18:32

I’m getting a bit pissed off with this too. DH does loads around the house like cooking, cleaning and trying to get online groceries but he really underestimates the effort needed to look after children properly. He basically leaves them to it, shouts at them and refuses all of their requests so they hassle me all the time.

I can’t relate because my job is very task focused so I don’t need to spend all day on conference calls. I’m wondering how long this can all go on for, surely so many projects will have to be wound up. We had a better day today though, the kids only turned into total dicks at about 7pm so I’m counting that as a win.

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