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WWYD friend been attacked tonight

(51 Posts)
cherrytreeblossom Sun 29-Mar-20 21:52:33

My friend has been physically hurt by abusive ex tonight (taking advantage of the vulnerability of being isolated)

Police involved etc

I'm strictly following isolation rules

But feel desperate to offer support

Would going to see her at her door but standing well Back to at least show her a friendly face and be able to vent ? Discuss what she does best fit in to visiting a vulnerable person.

Or no ?

esjee Sun 29-Mar-20 21:54:40

Are there any concerns you have regarding either of you. If you've both been isolating and are not concerned about high risk relatives for example I would just visit her.

Soontobe60 Sun 29-Mar-20 21:55:16

Is your friend alone? Does she have family to support her? Children ?

AlexaShutUp Sun 29-Mar-20 21:57:06

It's a tricky one, but I think you have to follow the lockdown rules. Can you support her on the phone or by video call? I know it isn't the same as going and giving her a hug.

PicsInRed Sun 29-Mar-20 21:57:31

I would class it as providing care to a vulnerable person. If I'm reading between the lines correctly, she will be very vulnerable at this time and require considerable support.

Jade1976 Sun 29-Mar-20 22:00:02

Agreee with @PicsInRed

5zeds Sun 29-Mar-20 22:02:37

I’d phone and talk all night if she needs it.

esjee Sun 29-Mar-20 22:06:01

Just to add, you don't need to follow lockdown rules to the absolute letter if a serious situation occurs. You need to weigh up the risk to yourself and others and make a decision. If it would be low risk to visit to provide support, and you want to do it, that's your choice, don't let the people who get angry about everything sway you!

Mlou32 Sun 29-Mar-20 22:07:38

Could you maybe give her a call?

mineofuselessinformation Sun 29-Mar-20 22:08:26

FaceTime / Skype / messenger.
A great way to talk without being near each other.

Merryoldgoat Sun 29-Mar-20 22:08:37

Is she currently safe?

I assume so with police being involved but don’t want to assume...

If she is I’d call and offer support that way.

If she’s not I’d go and collect her and take my chances.

starsparkle08 Sun 29-Mar-20 22:16:40

I would go and see her , she needs you

cherrytreeblossom Sun 29-Mar-20 22:30:35

They were separated after physical and emotional abuse.

She let him come to see son before lock down separation started and he refused to leave.

She's tried to put up with it , but he has been awful to her. She asked him to leave today and it got nasty.

She was hurt and thankfully rang the police.

I'm a key worker in a school, DH is NHS - I Haven't been in since last Wednesday , due back in Wednesday.

She hasn't left house at all for couple weeks.

Has one child, 6, none verbal autism.

JaneEyre7 Sun 29-Mar-20 22:31:54

Go to her.

I wouldn't think twice.

Upthehillanddownagain Sun 29-Mar-20 22:37:35

I'd go and see her, and sod the rules (and I'm normally the most law abiding person you could imagine).

Saladmakesmesad Sun 29-Mar-20 22:38:11

Don’t go and see her. She doesn’t need to get sick now. Phone her for a supportive chat.

LemonGingerCakes Sun 29-Mar-20 22:39:04


Do it via online resources. We all have reasons why we could break the rules.

Maryann1975 Sun 29-Mar-20 22:39:21

If it were me and my friend, I would phone her first and make it clear I was happy to come over if she wanted me too. She might not want to see anyone else or she might want to have some physical support. It would be wrong for you to assume she was willing to risk it if she doesn’t want that. But I appreciate she might lie (my best friend would as she wouldn’t want anyone to put themselves out for her - due to the way she has been treated by others in the past, she often feels she is unworthy of my time) and tell you that she is fine when really all she needs a hug. But I would want to see her and support her, especially as she has a child to deal with.

HeddaGarbled Sun 29-Mar-20 22:41:53

You can support her more effectively on the phone than shouting at each other in full view and hearing of the neighbours. Skype or FaceTime if you think the visual is important.

freddiethegreat Sun 29-Mar-20 22:42:34

As someone who is currently at risk a domestic violence daily, I would be very very grateful under these circumstances if a friend came. It feels like the situation has set me up to be beaten at present. I can absolutely see why I am being left to get on with it as best I can now, but if the threat becomes reality & I get hurt, I do hope someone will come.

Eckhart Sun 29-Mar-20 22:44:10

Has he been removed?

Virtual chat is the best solution, but if that's not adequate, go to her. If I'm allowed out 3 times a day so my dog can use the loo, I'm sure this need is ok to class as 'essential'.

What hell for her. He's done her a favour by getting nasty, if it's got rid of him. As long as she's not too badly hurt. She could have been stuck with him for months.

I hope she's ok. You're a good friend.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Sun 29-Mar-20 22:44:12

I know you want to help her, but if either of you get overwhelmed and come into contact, you may add to her problems, if you’re a carrier. Please don’t visit her.

BBCONEANDTWO Sun 29-Mar-20 22:44:25

I'd go. This is giving care to someone who is vulnerable - we can't stop being humans and having compassion during this crisis.

CakeAndGin Sun 29-Mar-20 22:45:20

I would probably call her and explain that you and DH are both key workers, even though she probably knows, but explain you have been at work recently with people who are likely to be more exposed to it. Explain you want to comfort her but allow her to weigh up the risk from you. Give her back some control. If she doesn’t want to see you, call her, video call her, just stay on the phone with her. If she wants you there, with the risk you have, then she’s a vulnerable person and go to her.

PurpleDaisies Sun 29-Mar-20 22:46:04

She probably won’t want to have a personal conversation like that 2m away on the doorstep.

I’d ring her.

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