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My husband has said I can quit my job if I want to.

(368 Posts)
QueenofmyPrinces Wed 25-Mar-20 21:41:56

I’m a nurse, obviously anxious about what dangers and nightmares lie ahead, and my DH has just said that I don’t have to go to work if I don’t want to, and he’d rather us live on just one wage if it meant I could be kept safe.

Has anyone else working in hospitals ever felt so nervous about what’s to come that they’d consider leaving?

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 25-Mar-20 21:58:13

You are the nurse. I imagine you have researched the virus. If you think the risk is unacceptable then leave.

QueenofmyPrinces Wed 25-Mar-20 22:09:25

Many of my colleagues wish they could leave. We are all petrified.

Hannah021 Wed 25-Mar-20 22:13:59

We dont expect you guys to be angels, and i think many of us have high expectations you wont turn your back on patients and fellow colleagues, the same way we feel our military guys wouldnt run away from the field risking a lost battle.

Maybe we are being unreasonable cuz u r humans too and feel weak. But i volunteered to help with NHS and only now do i wish that i had a medical background to help

Isadora2007 Wed 25-Mar-20 22:16:51

I guess it separates the people who were cut out for nursing and those who weren’t. Which is fine. Like someone likened this to soldiers prepared to die- ultimately all soldiers should be prepared to but not all WILL be which is fine but they’re not suitable soldiers if they’re not. Nurses should be prepared to put their patients first, but some won’t or can’t. Which means they’re not suitable nurses. You’re in a position where you can stop being a nurse- so if that’s how you feel that’s how you feel.

QueenofmyPrinces Wed 25-Mar-20 22:20:20

Nurses should be prepared to put their patients first....

Before their own lives?
Before their own children?

I love my job very, very much - but my priority and loyalty will always be to my own family.

If that makes me a bad nurse then I guess I am.

CastleSalem Wed 25-Mar-20 22:20:36

This isn’t a decision for your husband. Your assessment of what constitutes unacceptable risk should come from you — you’re the nurse.

Porcelainskin Wed 25-Mar-20 22:22:43

God I think there are some cruel comments above. Leaving does not mean you are not cut out to be a nurse. It is not like a soldier leaving the battlefield. Volunteering for the NHS is incomparable to what staff are doing. What ridiculous things to say. Our government is not equipping you properly to give you confidence in your ability to carry out your duties safely. Nursing is not a life or death sort of profession like policing/fire fighters/military etc. If you can, and want to, then leave.

Porcelainskin Wed 25-Mar-20 22:23:01

And do it without feeling guilty.

DailyKegelReminder Wed 25-Mar-20 22:23:44

Il say what I normally say when it comes to any sort of nursing/caring. If you feel like you cant provide efficient care due to fear, reluctance etc then leaving is an option. No one will blame you for feeling scared, everyone is and lots of us are in the comfort of our own homes.

I do agree with the military comparison though.

Strawberrypancakes Wed 25-Mar-20 22:24:01

This thread is interesting.. I was in hospital with my poorly DD last week and the nurses were all rolling their eyes at having to put on masks and the paramedic removed his suit completely as DD was scared.. (not prompted!)

They seemed pretty relaxed and it was lovely to hear the staff at the desk being happy over free coffee and different things that had been pledged.

(Also, they were all incredible 🥳)

ScissorsBike Wed 25-Mar-20 22:24:16

But if you get it, it will prob be mild and fine. It's hardly a death sentence! Unless you are vulnerable?

OhNoNoNoNotThatOne Wed 25-Mar-20 22:26:10

I think people are forgetting the front line are still only human. We all get scared, we all worry, no one is perfect and we can't expect you all to be ok with this.

And actually yes @OP I think you're right, although as a nurse your patients are your priority, while at work. Your family is your priority, at all times. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

I understand the point that @Isadora2007 is making, but I also think that they need to remember that you are human, you have flaws, fears, worrys, just like everyone else.

I genuinely cannot imagine being in your position.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas Wed 25-Mar-20 22:27:40

To be honest, if I was putting myself and my family at risk to help through this crisis, I would have felt the urge to walk out seeing so many wankers and wankerettes ignoring the advice that keep us all safe: just stay at home.

QueenofmyPrinces Wed 25-Mar-20 22:28:21

But if you get it, it will prob be mild and fine. It's hardly a death sentence! Unless you are vulnerable?*

Probably - but not definitely. Did you read about the 36 year old, otherwise healthy nurse, who is fighting for her life in ITU due to picking up Corona at work. She has 3 young children too. It’s awful.

I do have an underlying medical condition - it’s not one that makes me more prone to catching the virus but it’s one that can be worsened if I do catch it.

QueenofmyPrinces Wed 25-Mar-20 22:30:18

I’m actually scared to hug and kiss my children in case I pass something on to them.

We aren’t given the right PPE at work and are just expected to get on with it and hope for the best.

Babyroobs Wed 25-Mar-20 22:32:22

Lets hope all the NHS workers don't feel the same way because they must all be petrified. Presumably you would need to give a months notice and can't just not turn up tomorrow? There are 7000 retired nurses who have just signed up to help the NHS out, probably older and more at risk but still willing to help in a time of crisis. We are all petrified.

fia101 Wed 25-Mar-20 22:38:10

The government hasn't given you and your colleagues the right equipment to protect yourselves (or any equipment at all) - it's like sending soldiers onto the battlefield unequipped when the other side has Kalashnikovs.

EL8888 Wed 25-Mar-20 22:38:22

@Isadora2007 for crap money and no respect then why would someone sacrifice themselves and potentially their family. Being a soldier is very different to being a nurse, there is no expectation you may routinely die doing it hmm. If the NHS was properly funded and they were equipped then it may be different

Out of curiosity, what do you do for a living?

EL8888 Wed 25-Mar-20 22:40:16

If l wasn’t given the right PPE then l wouldn’t get involved. I would be contacting my union and make clear to the nurse in charge / ward manager of my stance

AlexaShutUp Wed 25-Mar-20 22:41:12

I don't blame you, OP. I'd be scared in your position. I completely understand why you'd be tempted to walk away.

Of course, I hope you won't, because we desperately need the NHS to have as many nurses and doctors as it can get. We all need you to work.

It's a really tough one. Of course you want to prioritise your own health and the wellbeing of your own family. I think most of us would want to do the same. At the same time, I'm sure that you have a strong sense of duty to your profession, to your colleagues and to the patients who need you.

I hope that you will decide to work, but I wouldn't judge either way. We are asking a lot of all of our NHS workers, and for some, the ask might just be too great.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

MrsMGE Wed 25-Mar-20 22:42:28

It's a very difficult one and I don't think you can be judged by anyone. I can't compare because I'm not NHS staff.

I think there are certain professions that are more than career choices, they are vocations and at times they require you to go an extra mile (or ten). I'm a lawyer and I can't count the number of years that it took to get here, extra work outside hours, hours we never charged our clients for but worked them anyway, stress etc. Would I leave the day before a huge trial which I know would be extremely stressful, demanding and might go wrong? No, because that would leave my colleagues cold and we work as a team. No, because it would disappoint and prejudice my clients and their good is more important than my personal feelings. I knew this from day one when I decided to practice.

But I do not deal with life or death matters and do not risk my life every day.

Only you can assess whether the risk to you is unacceptable and whether it is indeed much higher to what it would be otherwise eg as a result of constant exposure to multiple other illnesses in the hospital environment. I simply don't know if you came to this profession prepared to serve at times that are very difficult and risky. I don't know if there are options to minimise the risk to your family, I've heard some frontline staff isolate from family or live separately now. Is this an option? Do you get enough PPE? You're allowed to be scared, no question. You need to sit down and consider all options, calmly. Take care. flowers

spirdygirdy Wed 25-Mar-20 22:42:51

Hospitals at the moment are very scary, unsafe places and the general public have absolutely no idea what it is like. I don't blame you for feeling like you want to walk away. I do too.

foamrolling Wed 25-Mar-20 22:43:36

I don't blame you at all for being scared. It's nothing like being a soldier - it's incredibly rare for nurses to be facing this kind of threat. The NHS aren't exactly a great employer either. It's not like nurses can assume they will be well looked after and appreciated. My sister is a nurse and she's been treated like shit most of her career. She's terrified of what's to come.

thetwinkletoescollective Wed 25-Mar-20 22:43:43

You are in an amazing position because you get to choose. Choose what you want to do. Make up your mind to be definite about that choice. Going back and fourth will not do you any good.

You do not have to be a nurse.
To just stop because you want to is enough of a reason.

Do not place false judgements on your self about ‘duty of care, what I signed up for’. They are external and subjective. Do what you want inside.

Also to the poster who made the hideous judgment about ‘not cut out for it’. This blames an individual for a systemic problem and that is completely unfair. (Understaffed, under resourced). Plus it’s a judgment based on no real facts of someone’s life and is so just cruel and mean -a comment made to shame someone. Therefore please do not let a comment like that influence you.

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