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'Best' age to conceive?

(41 Posts)
lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 13:18:14

I know this is a bit of an impossible question, but in your opinion what is the best age to conceive your first baby?

How many years marriage/time together as a couple did you have/would you prefer if you could choose/do it again?

How long has it taken you/others on average to get a BFP?

I shall be marrying in 2015 when we are both 30 and do not know whether to try straight away or to have a couple of years married life beforehand. We have been together 3.5 years atm (living together 2.5 years) so will have been together for 6 years by the time we marry. Have a 2 year old nephew and 4 year old niece on his side. I'm currently back at uni doing my masters, which finishes in December this year so before baby I need to get a 'proper' job, and we would like to buy a house first. I really want to marry before baby, he doesnt mind which way round we do it and would have a short engagement of 6 months if necessary. I'm saying June 2015 for the wedding as that gives us 18 months after I graduate to work for a bit, save up and plan the wedding.

Just dont know whether to start trying soon after or not.. OH has been broody for years, me too but I put it on back burner and therefore became less broody. We want two, ideally a couple of years apart but it depends how we cope with the baby! My brother and I are 18 months apart (mum found that very hard) whereas OH and sister are 3 years apart (as are his sister's two kids). I dont think I would like to be much over 33/34 when I'm having my second...

Sorry- brain dump when I should be revising!!!


popsicle1984 Mon 07-Jan-13 19:18:17

I personally don't see the need to have 2 years together before trying if you'll have already lived together for 5 years! I'm getting married this summer when I'm 29 and getting straight on it! I just worry that if it took me longer than average to conceive and I wanted another one I could end up in my mid-thirties when there are likely to be more problems and it's likely to take even longer to conceive! I wanted to start this year really and have one before I turn 30 but wanted to get on the property ladder and get married first.

TheCountessOlenska Mon 07-Jan-13 19:24:46

i would get on with it if you want to be done before you are 33 or 34- i started trying at 28, conceived at age 30. then started trying for number 2 at 32 and conceived at 33. Hopefully you will be more fertile than me grin , but just saying you might as well crack on!

ThreeWheelsGood Mon 07-Jan-13 19:45:19

Conceive on your wedding night! That's what I'd be aiming for in your shoes, you know you want kids so do it as soon add you can/want, especially to give you time to have more than one.

deliasmithy Mon 07-Jan-13 19:59:33

No set rules exist, I think there is never a time when there is enough money, etc.

That said, getting a job going so you can have mat. Leave and a career to return to gives you more security and options.

I'm 29, waited longer than I wanted as DH was not ready. He wanted to spend money on things that he felt he could not justify later, such as further education. Now both very keen with little patience!

ThalianotFailure Mon 07-Jan-13 20:03:00

try straight away if you know you both want children. DH and I met when I was 30 (him 29), moved in together after 3 years, but it took 5 years for me to have a successful pregnancy. And trying for a second didn't go much better so at 41 I have had to become resigned to be an older mum than I wanted to (but not unusual where we live which is good) and only having one child, which makes me very sad.

go for it and best of luck!

MonoBrowser Mon 07-Jan-13 20:09:07

If youre both ready, I wouldnt beat around the bush. I'd be trying as soon as you're married.

I conceived very easily at 27, fairly easily at 31...not so easily after that. Crack on!

Bodicea Mon 07-Jan-13 20:11:47

I wouldn't leave it much past 30 if I were you especially if you want more than one child. Post 35 your fertility drops dramatically. And you just don't know how long the first child will take. Too many people play Russian roulette with their fertility and are surprised when it doesn't go their way. Their is never a perfect time to have a baby careerwise but you have the most important thing right, which is a stable relationship. I say start on your wedding night xxx

lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 20:19:02

Popsicle thats very good logic- thanks. I agree with your points. I think my idea of waiting once married is to enjoy the 'honeymoon' period of being married but

Threewheels conceiving on the wedding night would be perfect! (I've not been saving myself till then btw!) ;)

I feel that honeymoon may be a good time, as we should both hopefully be nice and relaxed, and have lots of time to shag :D Life gets in the way too much at home unfortunately sad

Countess you sound to be of normal fertility to me smile But you're right, as even if one day you wake up and decide omg you are so broody and absolutely Must have a baby right now, its still going to take a year if you are Very lucky!!

lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 20:21:28

Delia I will definately be aiming to get a job with good maternity entitlement and would only ever ttc when that entitlement kicks in! After 6 months of being there I believe is standard. My OH likes to spend money too- which is worrying as we dont save ANYTHING and so I do fear how on earth we could afford a child when he is so irresponsible with money? Hoping he will sort that out though?! I want to be established in a company so that they will want to take me back!!

lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 20:23:42

Thanks Thalian, sorry to hear you wanted more than one child and it wasnt meant to be.. I guess you have already considered all your other options and I hope that you resolve the issue one way or another- counting your blessings with one or looking at another route to two.

lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 20:29:34

Monobrow (great name) I always imagined myself to have my first age 25, then when I neared that age I thought no way am I ready, and even now (turning 28 in June) I can see myself getting to 30 and having to 'persuade' myself I'm mature enough!

Bodicea wedding night sounds good to me! I understand that people do take fertility a bit for granted- but the reason for me being cautious about getting the timing right is just incase I fall pregnant immediately. Three months into our relationship my oh and I had unprotected sex- once- and it resulted in a pregnancy. The pregnancy didnt work out, and I was very 'unready' for it, suffering as I was an eating disorder at the time. I know I will have been much more fertile then than when we try, and theres no say it would happen right away next time, but just incase we are lucky enough in the first few cycles I wanted to check from those experienced on here!!xx

ThalianotFailure Mon 07-Jan-13 20:45:54

thanks lolly, our little girl is just so wonderful and beautiful and we are so lucky to have her. I don't think I can try again (multiple MCs which have become progressively worse each time) and to be honest I feel too old and tired to cope with sleepless nights again!

I also found that random shagging didn't work for me (never knew when I ovulated) but using an ovulation kit worked brilliantly, never more than a month or two to conceive, though longer when we tried post-DD.

lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 20:50:17

Good idea on the kit- thanks. I know they advise having sex every 2-3 days but I dont want it to feel forced and not natural as that is so beyond the current state of affairs!! I dont think I would tell OH when I'm fertile though- just pounce!! smile

I'm sure your little girl feels completely adored and blessed to have you for her mummy too smile

Rache1S Mon 07-Jan-13 21:01:25

I think you just know when the time is right yourself. I have wanted to TTC for a few years now but the time wasn't right until recently.
You have to have worked for your employer for at least 26 weeks up to the 15th week before the expected week of childbirth, so that means you can start trying 1 week into getting a job and still qualify for SMP grin
I agree don't leave it too late, but if you're in good health don't let age put you off necessarily. I am nearly 35 and 16 weeks pregnant with my first. We conceived on our second month trying and following the NT test our risk of Down's has been calculated at 1 in 100,000.

Elektra83 Mon 07-Jan-13 21:30:42

Apologies if I am repeating what everyone else has said! I don't think there is a 'best age' you just have to do what is right for you. A friend of mine got married towards the end of 2011 and said that she didn't want kids straight after (her cousin who got married earlier that year actually conceived on honeymoon), she wanted to do stuff and spend more time with her hubby before having a kid.

I knew I wanted to try quite soon after our wedding because I think we were ready, we have been together nearly 4 years, lived together for 2 of those and it just feels like the right time now...the house feels a bit empty with just the two of us! We kept saying after the Indian wedding and now that's been and gone and it's a bit scary now that time has arrived!

mummycooper Mon 07-Jan-13 21:55:14

i was 25 when i had my son, and coming up to 27 and just recently found to be expecting my 2nd. my hubby and i got married young, i was 21 him 24, we waited 4 years but only because we were young still and wanted to travel go out at weekends etc, im lucky we met so young, i was 15 and him 18, i think its nice to have kids in your 20s and def before 35 as there can be extra risks involved in pregnancies when the mum is 35 or over so i think you should def try once your married, as it can take up to a year so just yas both enjoy yourselves, yas both seem like a great couple and so many great exciting plans ahead, enjoy the wedding plans and the house hunting, not forgetting the hen party lol and what best way to continue the celebrations than trying for a wee one smile, good luck with all your plans. xxx

BananaPie Mon 07-Jan-13 21:56:25

Why wait til 2015 to get married? You say you don't mind a short engagement, so why not get married now, then you'll at least have that out of the way!!

lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 23:27:46

Bananapie, I'm a masters student at the moment as so we are surviving off one income, I need to graduate, get a job and save a bit to afford the wedding. We really want to marry on the date we got together in June, but I see your point, we could marry beforehand.. if we could afford it and didnt mind the date. I have it set in my mind for that date though. The other option is to start trying before wedding.. not sure how I feel about being a pregnant bride.. Think about 5-7 months is okay bump wise but not my ideal xx

lollydollydrop Mon 07-Jan-13 23:29:51

Thank you for your well wishes mummycooper!!! I think I found my perfect wedding venue tonight! Excited, eeeeee!!! xx

By the way, normal fertility is conceived within one year if trying. That's what the NHS says on their infertility page. 80% of couples, iirc, got a bfp within a year. I think this board might give you a skewed sense of the normal length.

That said there is no reason to wait till 2015!

weegiemum Mon 07-Jan-13 23:59:02

Dh and I didn't live together before marrying.

We got married at 24, I got pregnant with my dd1 at 28 (wasn't first pg, I'd 2 mc in the same year) and had her just after I turned 29. Another mc then got pg with ds at 30, born when I was 31. Got p again at (just) 32 with dd2, she was born just before I turned 33.

For me, this turned out to be perfect. I started getting menopausal symptoms at 35 and was through it, totally infertile, at 39.

I'm very glad I had my dc when I did!!

deliasmithy Tue 08-Jan-13 08:29:01

Lolly, know what you mean. DH historically has slippery fingers when it comes to money where as I am a penny counter.

We had debt and my own rule had been to wait until we had paid it off. My DH doesn't always think of the obvious like cost of things, so we looked at finances based on 9 months mat leave. He was a little shocked. But we now have a savings account to tide us over, and DH spends far less. He is more motivated now there is a specific goal.

We spent quite a bit on our wedding. I was lucky to have my parents help considerably. It was a fantastic day, but in hindsight, it was only one day. 2 years on I do think I should have scaled back the plans and used the money for buying a house.

twentythirteen Tue 08-Jan-13 11:50:35

I know this isn't what you're asking but as someone who may have waited too long I would suggest a more analytical approach. Ask when your mother began menopause as you're likely to follow in her shoes. I can't remember the inexact formula but it might have been something like a ten year lead up to that age during which fertility is drying up, anyone remember? Then go to gp and get the blood tests, two, one each at different stages of your monthly cycle, this checks for whether or not you are ovulating. Finally you can also go private for a test that checks how many follicles you have, you want a decent number of these.

You should be fine at 30 but you never know.

AKissIsNotAContract Tue 08-Jan-13 12:23:23

There is no right answer to this. I'm 31 next week and I'm not ready yet. I've watched my best friend go through four rounds of IVF and even knowing the risks of leaving it, I'm still not ready yet.

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