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Retarded Ejaculation...Is he just being stingy with his love?

(8 Posts)
chocolategirl29 Thu 17-Jun-10 11:28:02

Morning o, knowledgeable ones.....
I'm a frequent lurker, but this is the first time I've posted, and wondered if any of you have any advice...
We have been ttc for 2 years, and I'm nearly at the end of my tether..

..the problem is....DH producing the goods.. :-(

Getting it up ain't a problem, and we have a very loving relationship, but when it comes down to the all important money shot (sorry, TMI) it just doesn't happen. Well, very rarely.

It has got to the point that we both seem to be avoiding doing the do now, as it just results in frustration for him, tears for me as I feel like a failure, then him feeling worse because I'm crying....

Have any of you experienced this at all..... What can I do, as I fear talking about it (which we have, and he just says everything will be fine) as I don't want to put him under any more pressure, but I'm not getting any younger despite the creams I apply!
Any thoughts greatfully received...

waitingforbedtime Thu 17-Jun-10 11:29:43

Get him to go ot the doctor.

Cazzr Thu 17-Jun-10 12:23:22

Chocolate girl, we have similar 'issues' but overtime have worked out certain positions that work..
We have 'gently' discussed it and I get the impression from DH that it's more tricky for him if a) he's tired/got things on his mind and b) if he's worried about whether I'm enjoying it.

I think men have been programmed for so long to not come to quickly/ not get us pregnant that they end up getting issues the other way. Also I think the pressure of the importance of performing doesn't help.

I don't tell DH when i'm ovulating/fetile days so he has no idea of the importance of things happening at the right time.
I've also made it quite clear that I have plenty of fun so not to worry about me so much (i'm one of those lucky girls who has no problem climaxing).
We get there regular enough, tho after 7 months of trying still are yet to concieve #2 despite DS being a 'one time shot'.

No such thing as a quicky in our house I can tell ya! LOL

I kinda agree about getting him to go to the doc, tho understand getting anyone to discuss such things, let alone a man, with a doctor can be difficult.
After 2 years of ttc he MUST be aware of the importance of every single swi so the pressure must be huge. Have you tried saying that 'this month we are not going to ttc, we are just going to have fun'?
Have to mentioned to the doc about trouble ttc or are you reluctant until he can 'produce the goods' more regularly?

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 17-Jun-10 14:02:07


Please go to the GPs as a couple and get this problem out in the open. There is help out there for delayed ejaculation.

As you have been ttc for two years without success there is likely to be a problem with either one or both of you equally.

(Generally speaking men often feel under pressure to perform particularly when ttc is an issue or when they know their spouse is using ovulation kits and the like. Too many women think that if they make love "at the right time" and go down the route of timed intercourse they will get pregnant. Conception though does not work like that).

intoacup Thu 01-Jul-10 19:00:39

Message withdrawn

intoacup Thu 01-Jul-10 19:04:33

Message withdrawn

GimmeIrnBru Tue 30-Oct-12 13:35:27

DH has this problem. He can manage to ejaculate occasionally but not every time. However, we do have two DC and I have conceived through penetrative sex.

We don't use contraception because of this as there's not much point as it's rare when he does come.

Hope you're in a better place now, OP??

FrankelDeBeauvoir Wed 31-Oct-12 20:25:34

Wow, Zombie thread! Appropriate for Halloween I guess hmm

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