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How did you arrive at a decision to have a baby?

(32 Posts)
Lizita Sat 06-Aug-05 19:15:43

Might sound like an odd question, but my dd was a complete accident and I had never intended to have children either. (So glad it happened now though, of course )

I can't imagine having the courage to decide to have a baby. Even now I've already got one, I can't imagine it, I just can't imagine wanting to go through it all again, for starters! Plus, none of my close friends have children or plan to have them in the near future, they all seem to be hanging for dear life onto their freedom, jobs etc etc, not to mention relationships!!

when planning your first baby, did you have a rosy view of what it would be like (and I'm talking about pregnancy/labour/first few months now - that in itself was enough to put me off, before I got pregnant!)?
Trying to think of other questions to clarify what I mean but I can't, just let me know how you arrived at the decision and how you overcame any trepidation ...

swiperfox Sat 06-Aug-05 19:18:25

Hiya With my first, we planned it because I had always wanted children. There was never a point when I could see my life with no children in it. Ds was planned because I wanted dd to have a brother or sister because i was an only child until i was 13 and hated it.
If I'm pregnant again now, it was purely an accident and a little scary as I thought I was finished!!!

hunkermunker Sat 06-Aug-05 19:20:42

I was told I'd never have children, so figured that I should set about trying to prove them wrong as soon as possible

DS took a while to conceive, and we decided to try again when he was one, since we knew we wanted more than one child (we're both from families of three and love having siblings - mostly ). I fell pg immediately, which was a bit of a shock, but a very welcome one!

I always have a rosy view of what things will be like - I'm either v optimistic or terminally stupid! But DS is a lovely child, even at 16mo, he's a really good companion and we spend lots of time laughing at things, so I guess I'm lucky - I'm scared the second one will be "difficult"!!

Lizita Sat 06-Aug-05 19:21:50

So it is scarier this time round IF you are? Scary (make that terrifying) though it was for me, I imagine it being scarier to plan another...or maybe it's just that it would be 2nd time round and you know what's coming!
But then, as i said, my main reason for never intending to have kids was fear, almost phobic...yes it was phobic, of hospitals etc...

PeachyClair Sat 06-Aug-05 19:24:09

Don't know- wanted one so did it! Looking back it was odd, as we had only known each other a short time (six months, together for three) though we were living together and engaged (!!!!)
but someohow it seemed right.

I had the most awful (well ranking up there anyway) PG with Hyperemesis and then pre-eclampsia, then when DS was 5 months I felt an overwhelming desire to do it again (I think now I was looking for closure on a traumatic time). Five months after DS was born I got the cravings angain, but resisteed until DS2 was nearly three, then went for it. Broody again at five months, resisted again, would like one more one day but we will see.

Six and a bit years on from initial decision we're still together, though it's been ahrd. I'd like to think we're together for rever, but if not then I won't regeret it- love my kids to bits, couldn't imagine or want ife without them, always wanted to be a Mother.

swiperfox Sat 06-Aug-05 19:25:02

It's only scarier because it was unexpected. It's not the best time to be having another because we're in a financial mess!
I had my first by emergency caesarean so my second was a planned caesarean and it was wonderful!! I knew exactly when he was going to be born so i was able to be calm and organised!
I think once you've had the first you realise what an amazing thinkg it is and tht makes it easier to have another because you know what to expect

swiperfox Sat 06-Aug-05 19:26:19

I also hate hospitals, hate doctors, hate bloodtests etc but once you are pregnant it has to be done so i just went with it!

Have you thought about having a baby at home?

Lizita Sat 06-Aug-05 19:27:00

That's interesting PeachyClair, despite what I'm saying I went through a v broody phase too, when dd was still a baby, prob around the same time and later when she stopped being such a baby... But these days (she's almost 2) I think labour/early days are fresher in my mind, I get flashbacks more often now and when dd was a baby I think I either didn't have time to think about it or was blocking it out unconsciously. Now, i can hardly believe it was me having that baby back then...

Lizita Sat 06-Aug-05 19:28:52

Not intending to have another one for a while yet I'm a single mum, though I do have a boyf but we're nowhere near settling down yet... Home birth would be the ideal, I agree, but in the end I just didn't have the guts, decided that in fact I'd feel safer in hospital, ironically. perhaps next time round...

But if you hate hospitals etc too, how did you overcome the fear in order to have a baby swiperfox?

swiperfox Sat 06-Aug-05 19:33:20

With my first, I didn't think about it until I was actually pregnant and once I knew there was no going back i just had to do it. I felt better about it the second time when i had a planned caesarean because i knew exactly what was going to happen and it was all over in half an hour, no labour, just in and out. I think in a way you get to a point near the end of the pregnancy that 1) you are so fed up being pregnant you'll do whatever it takes to get it out!! and 2) the excitement of having your new baby kind of wipes out any fears. They are definately worth it!

THere's not any reason why you couldn't have a home birth though, lots of people do. You coulkd even hire a birthing pool!! THey're meant to be brill!!

Lizita Sat 06-Aug-05 19:40:06

Yeah i know - I had a birthing pool at hospital, it was really amazing, the first dip in the pool was utter relief! But my labour went on a long time and the effect wore off, though it was really nice to be able to get in & out and have the contrast of nice hot tub & cool refreshing air. Plus it felt much more relaxing than I expected labour to feel!

I agree about just having to get on with it, I was really amazed at how I got through pregnancy without completely freaking out, though it got harder towards the end to block out the fear. I wasn't excited at all I don't think, just scared. But dd was an accident and I'm a single mum so that would have made a difference...

swiperfox Sat 06-Aug-05 19:41:59

Yeah that definately would have made a difference, I bet you had a whole heap of anxieties on top of the hospital thing. I think if, when you are ready for your next one, you plan it all as much as you can you will find the whole thing much more enjoyable

jessicaandbumpsmummy Sat 06-Aug-05 19:43:47

i admire you lot that managed to supress the broodyness at 5/6 months - i couldnt - hence i am now with bump!

With Jess, I have always been maternal and always wanted a baby. Had only been with my now DH for 3 months when he said we could try for a baby. That was August, and i fell in october, we got married in december.

Jess was born following July and by xmas i was desperate for another.... i fell pg first month trying in january! Roll on october!

Lizita Sat 06-Aug-05 19:43:56

Yeah, when i was going through that broody phase I thought I would really like to do it all "properly", actually want to do it and look forward etc. But then again, this is what i was saying, rose-tinted spectacles and all that, i try and be realistic rather than optimistic! - unlike hunkermunker! afraid that if i am too optimistic everything will go horribly wrong!

gigglinggoblin Sat 06-Aug-05 19:46:27

ds1 - total surprise

ds2 - wanted to have small age gap between ds1 and next baby so had a time limit. decided two wouldnt be much more difficult than one so went for it

ds3 - we were both feeling broody, and happened to be at a friends wedding in a v romantic hotel. they sold red wine in half pint voila!

PeachyClair Sat 06-Aug-05 19:58:08

JessicaBumpsMummy (sp?)- hey I didnt resist it the first time, so snap our histories!

hunkermunker Sat 06-Aug-05 20:04:29

LOL, Lizita - at least you went for my first option and didn't call me terminally stupid

Lizita Sat 06-Aug-05 20:06:16

i need some of your optimism hunkermunker!

hunkermunker Sat 06-Aug-05 20:10:07

Perhaps I should bottle it and sell it online?!

PeachyClair Sat 06-Aug-05 20:11:05

There are certainly some on here who need it, HM!

Everyone gets fed up of my terminal optimism, hate to be the other way though!!!

hunkermunker Sat 06-Aug-05 20:19:45

It's funny, I'm v optimistic, but also a huge worrier - very strange combination!

expatinscotland Sat 06-Aug-05 20:21:48

We both wanted a family, so we started ttc as soon as we got married. Six months later, DD was conceived. By that time my biological clock was on permanent alarm and hitting snooze or trying to turn it off wasn't working, so I had no 'trepidations'. DH didn't either. But he's also a man .

Lonelymum Sat 06-Aug-05 20:26:06

I don't feel I made a decision to have a baby, although of course I did (4 times actually!) For me, it is more of a decision to not have a baby. I am not very maternal, did not like babies as such or even young children, had practically never held one, and I have a debilitating phobia that I know prevents many people from even contemplating pregnancy and parenthood, but despite all that, to me, a baby was just the natural course, just as I regard getting a job, finding a partner, going on holiday, buying a house, etc. All of these things are, of course, optional, but it has never occurred to me not to do them.

I fully understand why many people would not want children or why they would delay having them (I was 30 before I was pregnant with my first) but, having had children, I do feel it is a life enhancing activity and one I would not like to have missed out on.

puddleduckling Sat 06-Aug-05 23:06:26

My daughter - 7mths now - was an accident but I knew I'd want a baby within the next couple years anyway, so she just came a little earlier than planned!

Peachyclair, did you have hyperemesis after the first pg? I had an awful time too, in and out of hospital for months - I'd really love a second child but I just can't imagine putting myself through that again.

QueenOfQuotes Sat 06-Aug-05 23:11:04

With my first (planned) pg I spent the first six months of knowing DH (we got engaged after just 5 weeks) convincing him that we should have a baby, and to start trying straight after the wedding.

The next 6 months before the wedding were spent trying to reassure him that although there were twins in my family it was unlikely I'd have them..............and that it takes most couples several months to concieve - so we'd have been married *at least* 1yr before we had a baby to deal with.

- I fell pg straight away and DS1 was born 9 months after the wedding (well not exactly 9 months - but people still do the maths LOL).

I guess in some respects we did go into it with 'rose tinted glasses' - but we had no access to all these glossy M&B magazines, no programmes on TV about having babies and the only close family either of us had with young children at that time lives at least 1000miles away.

DS2 was an entirely different story........lets just say it only takes the once (but he's wonderful and I wouldn't "not" have him for the world)

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