Trouble conceiving now husband cant perform

[number2please]

Hi, I have been trying to conceive number 2 for quite a while now with no luck. I decided to try opk to help us out with fertile days, however now my husband is having trouble keeping or getting an erection. He feels pressured and feels like he letting us down by me not becoming preg yet and i think this is why its happening. has anyone else had this problem and if so how did you deal with it???

[frakkinaround]

We've not had this problem conception-wise but, hard as it is, I think you need to take a back seat and focus on getting the sex back. Either go back to using condoms for a few months or come and join us on the 'just not using contraception' thread.

DH and I went through a weird patch sex-wise but focusing back on the relationship and not the point of sex/doing it because we should meant we got back on track.

[Goodluckbear]

Hiya,

Sounds really tough - it is surprising sometimes how these things affect our DH/DPs. My DH has found it a bit difficult I think as he is used to us just doing it when we feel like it, and recently I have been a bit more "demanding" - so when he feels under pressure it's a bit more difficult to perform, so to speak.

We have now agreed that I won't tell him about when I'm ovulating, etc, and we will just have sex regularly (i.e. every 2 - 3 days). That way, he doesn't know if it's for the purposes of TTC or just for fun (and of course, I know it should be both!). Sounds silly to be pretending not to know, but he said it helps (and I realise some guys are the opposite - different things for different people and all that).

I don't know if this will help, but maybe you could say to him that you'll both forget about it for a few months, and you'll just have sex for fun when you feel like it, and can go back to tracking fertility at a later date. You could introduce a "date night" - one evening a week where you do something nice for each other - maybe take it in turns - so one week he could make you a special dinner and give you a massage, the next week you take him out to the cinema, and so on. That would take the focus back to you guys and your relationship, and hopefully that focus will make him feel more relaxed and able to get back in the groove.

I realise of course that this is all easy stuff when you have all the time in the world and loads of patience, and that in reality it would be really nice to make things instantaneously the way we want them to be, so aside from everything I put above I just wanted to say big hugs, as these things are always emotional and sometimes draining, and it sounds like things are tough right now. I hope everything improves as soon as possible.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[number2please]

good luck bear

thanks fot your kind words and votes of confidence. we have actually decided to do exactly what your saying as we need to go back to how things were before and they were fine. plus by dh has said we need make things more impulsive and interesting instead of letting this rule our lives which is soooooo true

I am sure its just a phase but pressure is not going to help that so think we both going to relax and enjoy eachother and our 2 and half yr old gorgeous daughter. we know we can most probably conceive like we did first time so both need be patient and enjoy live.

[lucybrad]

yes this is happening to us, definate change in that department after 6 months of ttc number 3. I think i will tell him i have given up, but secretly not!

[number2please]

sound like plan lucy, i am doing same thing and also trying make things more interesting without mentioning baby, he he