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daydreaming or depression or desperation

(4 Posts)
Inspirachion Mon 09-Nov-09 16:52:13

Am 38, 2 mc in the last 14 months no dc as yet.

Can't concentrate or cry either anymore.

The other day filled a 'basket' on mothercare website with all the things I'd have liked for db's if he/she/they had arrived.

Still ttc... but can't bear the disappointment throughout each cycle and success and subsequent failure but giving up isn't the answer either.

Had to type it 'out loud' to see if it feels better to admit how desperate it all feels.
Daren't let on to dh how bad I feel - not the best for essential bd if you're a snivelling wreck.

Do you/did you feel similar but then have a longed for db? Any happy endings or good advice would be really appreciated sad

Cerubina Mon 09-Nov-09 18:25:31

Hi there

I'm in a similar boat - 37, TTC for 2 years, one MMC in that time (9 months ago). Not a sniff of anything since. We have a few different physical issues between the two of us, which seem to have got even worse recently judging by some SA results. I went through a really bad patch a month or two back, where I just railed against the injustice of it, the hopelessness and the continuous sense of failure (after all, you're never just a little bit pregnant, you either are or you're not). There's no encouragement from getting a bit closer to your goal.

I feel for you having two m/cs. That must be unbearable - it is bad enough having one. Did you ever get any help from anyone after your losses?

I presume you have had tests performed on you both to establish that there are no physical problems? If not, obviously you should go and get this done. If you have, is it time to go back to the doctor and ask for a referral? And perhaps think about asking for counselling too? I am reaching the point where I feel that I need to talk to someone neutral about our problems, and just get things straight in my mind - maybe learn some coping techniques to deal with the disappointment.

Sorry I can't give a happy ending to my story but I hope you know you're not alone with your sadness. Good luck to you.

Inspirachion Tue 10-Nov-09 22:40:54

Thanks Cerubina.
You have it in the word hoplessness I think.

Thanks for understanding but I'm sorry you are going through similar.

If it's any encouragement for you it took 11 months to get a bfp after my first mc (4 months of ttc for the first bfp) so you may be there soon! It does take the body time to get hormones back in kilter.

I hope you get second time lucky. For us we are hoping for third time lucky.

We don't qualify for any tests despite our age as we haven't gone 12 consecutive months without a pregnancy or had three consecutuve mc's so we just have to keep going.

Cerubina Wed 11-Nov-09 14:57:50

Sorry Inspirachion, that restriction on testing sounds like lunacy to me. Are you in the UK? I know they often won't investigate m/cs until you have had three, but who said that you have to go 12 months between pregnancies before you qualify for routine testing? My GP agreed to refer me to an ACU in October after 8 months without success, there were no rigid criteria mentioned.

I'm sure at the moment you feel crushed by your experiences but I would get up and fight for some proper treatment here - you deserve it and if doctors are fobbing you off with stupid criteria then they are doing you a disservice. Can you see a different doctor, maybe a woman, and be prepared to push and argue your corner? Tears do not hurt either, but make sure you get your facts across.

I really hope you can get some more sensible help than that. You really do deserve better. Good luck to you and thanks for your words of comfort on my situation too - I hope we will both get there very soon. xx

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