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Should I have another baby?

(51 Posts)
Prufrock Fri 17-Jun-05 13:39:50

I really can't believe I'm posting this. After 2 horrendous pregnancies (I had all day sickness for about 15 weeks, then obstetric cholestasis, whcih causes terrible itching), dh and I had agreed that we would stick with 2 children rather than the 3 that we had originally said we wanted. I was so sure of this that I have even looked into being sterilised - but there was something stopping me from actually going ahead and doing it.
Anyway, last night, dh admitted that he would really like another child. I jokingly said "no problem - as long as we have a full time nanny so I can just go to bed for 9 months" and he said we could! Due to developments at his work we probably will soon be in the very fortunate position of being able to afford a full time nanny for a couple of years. So now my practical objetions to having another pregnancy have dissapeared. And I did always say that I wold like another child, just not another pregnancy. But I'd sort of got used to the fact that our family was complete. I've just signed up for a homeopathy course - although as it's home study I coudl still fit that in if I had help, and the decoration/layout I've planned for our new house only allows for 2 kids rooms

I am feeling very confused. Any advice would be much appreciated. In fact, if someone could just make up my mind for me I'd be very grateful.

bundle Fri 17-Jun-05 13:44:37

gosh prufrock, i'm surprised too! (cos of your medical history and how excited you sounded re: the course). i would jump at the chance, because i long for another child but financial restrictions mean that sadly probaby won't happen..so part of me enthuses for you...but what about the "me" time (from your recent sahm thread)? i know it sounds feasible, esp with having a nanny but is it what you really want?

fastasleep Fri 17-Jun-05 13:45:21

If I could afford to have 3 babies I would!! Even though my pregnancies totally suck too, yet masochist that I am I still somehow enjoy them lol... if you can afford a nanny then you should be able to do your course etc... and poo @ the decoration I bet you'd change it all anyway.

mancmum Fri 17-Jun-05 13:45:56

I would do it... sound like you do want one... DH definitely does and is being so ultra supportive I would go for it... none of your reasons for not having one sound really heartfelt to me!!

fastasleep Fri 17-Jun-05 13:46:12

Obviously it has to be something you really want! I wouldn't blame you for wanting 'me time'

batters Fri 17-Jun-05 13:47:38

OH MY GOD!!

I am in shock, prufrock!

You know what I would do? Write a list of all the pros and cons down of having a third child. Then leave it a couple of days, and go back to it with a clearer mind.

fastasleep Fri 17-Jun-05 13:49:10

Yes don't do what I did when DH tiredly said 'oh..go on then'...

bundle Fri 17-Jun-05 13:50:32

batters is right. and even with f/t help the course would be tricky (even for someone as organised as you )

HandbagAddiction Fri 17-Jun-05 14:03:14

Hi Prurock - I think you have to go with what your first instincts told you to do. So, if your first instinct when your dh mentioned it was 'yeah, I could do that' - then I really believe that that is what you should do!

Being in the position financially to support another child, have a nanny and therefore still potentially do your homeopathy course is a really enviable position. And whilst it shouldn't utlimately be the sole driver of your decision, it has to have some weight alongside the emotional factors.

Ponka Fri 17-Jun-05 14:23:16

Wow Prufrock. I'm with Handbagaddiction. It does look like from your email that your gut reaction was that you would like to. Your youngest is about 1, right? That's quite a small gap. Are you in the position where you could just wait a little bit longer to be really sure or would that fortunate position fade away quite quickly so it's kind of a now or never thing?

It sounds like it's likely to be tough but 9 months is a short time in the grand scheme of having children (about 4% of life between conception and age 18). You've made it through twice and you could do it again. Sounds like you think it's worth it really. Good luck with your decision. x

Prufrock Fri 17-Jun-05 18:43:39

Aaarrgghh. No clearer, but thank you very much for your input. I am really starting to like the idea, but I don't know if that's the idea of another baby, or the idea of a nanny so I can swan around and do bugger all. (And I'm only half joking ).

My first reaction was a big grin. And it's still there whenever I think about it. But I've been looking back at some of my posts from my last pregnancy and boy did I sound miserable. I think I've got rose tinted glasses on, and once I am pregnant, and lying with my head in the loo and a towel between my legs because I'm retching so hard I'm pissing myself I will probably regret it big time.

Prufrock Fri 17-Jun-05 18:45:25

Oh and yesponka we can wait - but I always wanted to get this stage out of the way. I hate pregnancy, love babies but they bore me slightly, and so far find toddler behaviour very challenging but somehow not fulfilling. Hold on - why on earth do I want another?

Fio2 Fri 17-Jun-05 18:49:23

dunno i keep questioning whether i want another or not, its weird as some days I def dont, and then as you say getting all the nappies out the way with at once, but mine now will be 6 and 4 this year and I am still questioning it. oh well, such is life. I hate being pregnant too, but its the giving birth bit I am crap at

SenoraPostrophe Fri 17-Jun-05 18:59:58

Blimey, prufrock - I wasn't expecting the first post on thsi thread to be from you!

I alwasy wanted 4 kids, but am probably going to stick with 2 due to dh being absolutely dead against having any more. So I'm not the best person to advise, but:

1.it's only 9 months (I don't like being preg either but luckily don't suffer from morning sickness)
2.there is always tena lady

essbee Fri 17-Jun-05 19:03:35

Message withdrawn

marthamoo Fri 17-Jun-05 19:07:50

It's only 9 months.
There is always Tena lady.

Well...what more persuasion do you need ? You sound like you want us to say "awwww...go on" to me. Try imagining that you have just done a pregnancy test and it's positive. How do you feel?

Ponka Fri 17-Jun-05 19:57:45

Hmmmm. Now you're sounding like you don't want one, to me. You have said why you're not keen. What are the reasons you do want one?

Enid Fri 17-Jun-05 20:30:30

how old ar eyou if you dont mind me asking?

we are also contemplating it and I also have horrific pgs and had the most horrible birth (dd1) although dd2 was fine.

If I could be given a 6 month old baby I would go for it.

Scary though isnt it. And after the bath and bedtime from hell I have no faith in my ability to cope with 2 let alone 3.

Prufrock Fri 17-Jun-05 21:04:14

I'm only 31 - so plenty of time. I just think that if I wait until dd (3) and ds (1) are older and so allow us more freedom we will decide we can't cope wth going back to sleepless nights, nappies etc.

I don't actually know why I want another baby - I just think I do. But then I didn't "know" why I wanted dd and ds, but I did, and I'm very glad I had them.

batters Mon 20-Jun-05 13:27:42

Has a final decision made yet, Prufrock?

I am being nosy!

Prufrock Tue 21-Jun-05 14:24:02

We've decided not to decide. It really isn't teh best time to be making life changing decisions - we move in 9 days, and dh's company is being sold but they are not sure who to yet. So instead of packing up my baby stuff to go to the charity shop I have packed it up to go to our new house.

I'm still very confused. I can't actually think of a single, logical, reason to have another baby. It's just a gut feeling that I want one. I can think of loads of reasons why I shouldn't, and loads of reasons why I shouldn't not, but nary a one why I should. And a conversation with MI today reminded me that whilst we can pay to make the practical problems of my OC go away, and prety much control th physical discomfort, I can't guarantee that I will deliver a live baby at the end of it, and I can't pay to get rid of the emotional stress that comes along with that knowledge.

For those of you that have, or want, 3 or more kids - why? I had to have a second because I ddin't want dd not to have a sibling. But what positive reasons are there to make you make the jump from 2 to 3?

QueenFlounce Tue 21-Jun-05 14:39:05

Prufrock - I have 2, but I just know deep down that I can NEVER ever rule out having a 3rd. I just don't feel like I'm ready to say I'm done baby-making.

AnotherHelen Tue 21-Jun-05 14:48:43

Prufrock, you and your family sound lovely and you sound like your dh supports you lots! You sound very much like you want another and if the only thing thats holds you back is uncertainty, (which is always part of any big decision) then i would go ahead! my dp and i had a similar decision to make a while ago about having number 3 and we decided that to plan any baby is abit nerve wracking so we thought sod it and no.3 is due in september and we are so excited about it! if you are both happy and it feels right than go ahead and worry about the other little things later, you may also be ok during your pregnancy this time! xxx

Kaz33 Tue 21-Jun-05 15:18:50

Id have another one ( no 3) if we had anywhere to put it and I could have part time childcare for a year !!

But just moving, short of cash and can't afford the extension yet.

Feeling very gooey, just had very successful trip to Odds Farm Park this morning. Boys were angels

zubb Tue 21-Jun-05 15:33:44

We're due our third in a couple of months. No logical reasons at all, we just felt that we wanted another one. We're having an extension built to give us the space we need as ds1 and ds2 share a room at the moment and I work from the third bedroom. In a few months time I'll have a room downstairs and we'll have 3 functioning bedrooms again - 2 of the kids will still share, but thats fine.

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