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Anyone else struggling to conceive their second LO?

(38 Posts)
lovechoc Sat 31-Oct-09 13:27:08

Maybe I'm posting on the wrong topic here, but just wondering if anyone else is in this position and how long you have been trying for.

I have a 2.6yo just now, had a pg loss earlier this year, and still trying.

I'm 27 and just frustrated that it's taking ages.

It would be nice to chat to others in a similar situation.

Thanks

cyanarasamba Sat 31-Oct-09 13:34:22

I hear ya. DS is 2.9, had a MC in April, not PG again yet.

Had a MC before DS, and for each of the 3 pregnancies it took me about 3 months to get pregnant. So I really thought I might be pregnant again by now!

I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, especially after a MC. Plus as well as the frustration of not getting pregnant there's the fear of losing it again when you actually to get that BFP, as well as grief for the previous loss. So many negative emotions, it's not suprising it all gets a bit overwhelming sometimes.

How are you feeling on the whole?

thegreatescape Sat 31-Oct-09 13:38:19

I have 2.5 year old, who was conceived within weeks. I have just found out i am pg with no. 2. Second took about 16 months to conceive. I'd started having a few tests (bloods, ovarian scan etc, which came back normal). Have no idea why second took so much longer. Just wanted to say good luck. smile

lovechoc Sat 31-Oct-09 13:41:05

Hi cyanarasamba, sorry for your losses, you've had it worse than me..I agree, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves but on top of that, is the pressure from others like relatives ' are you not pg again? are you having another one?'. I am coping fine now in general, but earlier this year it was a bit doom and gloom and I am not more optimistic that one day it will happen. Still, there are days when I do struggle. It's nice to know others are going through a similar thing (but hope they fall pg at the same time IYKWIM!).

How have you been doing? Is it constantly on your mind or do you try your best to keep busy?
I'm a SAHM so do have some time in the day to worry about it, but try to keep busy.

lovechoc Sat 31-Oct-09 13:43:17

thanks and congrats to you thegreatescape. I had my ovaries checked at USS when last at hospital and was told everything is normal. It just seems to be taking a long time

cyanarasamba Sat 31-Oct-09 14:01:21

I'd say it's on my mind a fair amount, especially at certain times of the month! Have you joined any of the monthly 'bus' conception threads? I thought that might be a bit too much pressure personally.

I'm a SAHM but don't stay at home a lot - keep busy with lots of activities and I'm very lucky to have some really lovely friends. In general I love my life. I feel a bit bad that I'm just at home with the one though, everyone else seems to work and/or have two. Now doesn't feel like the time to be looking for a part-time job though, I really wanted to wait till the 'kids' were at school.

I was quite open with family and friends about what happened but I still get "any news...?" even though they know my situation!

We were just about to move house but have just heard that has probably fallen through. It was nice to have that to focus on and it made the MC have "meaning" in a strange way - if I hadn't lost that pregnancy we would probably have decided to stay here earlier in the year. So that is going to feel like a bit of a setback.

I wanted to be able to use this time to lose a few pounds, get fit and so on but find it hard to be motivated in this way. What do you do to keep busy?

lovechoc Sat 31-Oct-09 14:08:45

I tend to visit relatives, some mum friends (but most have more than 2 children by now - so that for me is quite awkward) occasionally. I have stuff to do most days, to keep busy. Go to playpark with DS, food shopping, library etc. That's good that you keep busy too.

It does play on my mind at certain times of the month, but only now and again. have wasted plenty money on PG sticks to find out its only ANOTHER BFN. So have given up now on that..it's too disappointing.

No, haven't joined any buses yet, don't feel that I fit into that. I'd be disappointed at how much hopping on-and-off I'd have to be doing! lol

lovechoc Sat 31-Oct-09 14:11:15

Oh, same as yourself, I'd hoped to have my 'children' by now so that I could return to work sooner, buy hey ho, it's not happening like that.

I'm happy for others to have went on and had more children but I am the only one of mum friends nearby who has an 'only child'. so I'm alienated. don't really have anything in common with them now.

TabithaWitches Sat 31-Oct-09 14:18:50

I have a 22 month old, have been trying for months (we wanted a small gap), not pregnant yet - haven't even felt the need to take a test the whole time we've been trying.
I'm coming to terms with the idea that it's not going to happen how we wanted. I got all worked up in the beginning with plotting cycles etc, now I just hope that it will happen for us eventually. I don't want to join any conception threads or anything, I think it puts on too much pressure and makes me obsess over things.
But it would be nice to chat to people in a similar situation

cyanarasamba Sat 31-Oct-09 14:21:14

Yes it's hard when everyone seems to be popping them out like peas! The first toddler group we went to after the summer break I swear there was a crop of about 20 new bumps.

One of my best friends lost 3 babies quite late in pregnancy and will only ever have her DD (aged 2) so I am always reminded that there there are lots of people worse off than me. I suppose I do spend a bit more time with he now that the others are concerned with managing two! Do you have any other groups you could go along to and use this time to maybe widen your circle?

Well done for keeping busy. I am quite proud that I've not used a single PG test yet this time, although I could symptom spot for England. Loads of heartburn/twinges/tiredness - I'm sure you know where I'm coming from! Luckily my cycle seems very regular at the moment so I'm never hanging on for ages waiting for AF and thinking I might be PG when I'm not.

tassisssss Sat 31-Oct-09 14:24:05

Hi lovechoc, we took nearly 2 years to conceive our dc2. It was heartbreaking at the time. For various reasons we started trying before ds was a year and finally gave birth to our second child when he was 3.5. We had 2 miscarriages and took around 6 cyles (long cycles) to conceive each time until our precious dc3 who crept up on us without us really thinking about it! So we have 20 months between dc2 and dc3.

It's so hard, especially when all your dc's wee friends seem to be having siblings.

The best advice I got (ridiculously hard to implement) was from my lovely GP who kept telling me to relax, stop thinking about it, have a lot of sex, go on holiday etc etc. He was v reassuring that it would happy (which i don't suppose he could proove, but it did!). I realise in some ways that's not very helpful and can even sound glib and trite (esp after preg losses).

Good luck. xxx

cyanarasamba Sat 31-Oct-09 14:24:25

Just remembered we have a birthday party to go to at 3, and DS is still asleep!

Nice to chat to you lovechoc, sorry I haven't had chance to respond to the other ladies.

lovechoc Sat 31-Oct-09 17:36:27

cyanha, my cycles are quite irregular, went to GP who said that actually she has seen more irregular cycles than mine and said that she isn't concerned. I vary from 27-35 days each cycle. So yes, I have spent money on tests thinking oh maybe I'm a few days later than last month, this could be it. then ofcourse I test and get a BFN.

tass thanks for the reassurance, I'm sure it will happen for others like myself at some point, just the not knowing that's the hardest bit when everyone around you has at least 2 children. everywhere I look that's all I see.
congrats though on the surprise DC3, that must have been a brilliant surprise.

Tabitha have everything crossed for you too, that it happens soon. I know how bloody hard it is, all this waiting every single month.

Surprised there aren't more out there who are struggling to conceive the second child, or are we the only ones?! lol

LoujalouRocket Sat 31-Oct-09 20:00:08

Nah you are not the only ones. DS was conceived in month 3 and am now on month 7 with TTC this time. It does get me down but has to happen one day. Least that is what I think on my more positive days other times I am convinced its not going to happen. I am a bit obsessed by it but have happy 19 month old, so try and focus on him and work and hubby as well.

cyanarasamba Mon 02-Nov-09 19:30:00

Fairly sure AF will be here tomorrow - bang on time. I always get a bit of spotting the day before which I've stopped trying to convince myself is implantation bleeding.

Anyone feeling lucky this month? Odds are someone must be getting that BFP soon!

lovechoc Mon 02-Nov-09 19:50:01

hi cyan how have you been? nope, i'm not feeling lucky at all. AF due any day now like yourself, so just a waiting game, as I'm irregular...such a pain. haven't felt the need to use a HPT out of curiosity though, have been kept on the go with other stuff thankfully to take my mind off it.

True, it's just got to happen to one of us eventually!

cyanarasamba Mon 02-Nov-09 20:35:46

I'm feeling pretty good thanks lovechoc, went for a long walk today in the gorgeous sunshine and a swim yesterday - helps me feel a bit more positive.

But on the other hand, another month gone - waaahh!!!! <stamps foot> When is it ever going to happen??

tabitha like you I am trying not to obsess but it's not always easy. Did you try temping at all when plotting cycles?

MintChocAddict Tue 03-Nov-09 00:06:24

Hi All,

I'm in the same boat. Took 9 months to conceive DS (now nearly 3)and had a miscarriage in the summer after 1 year of trying this time for DS2.

Cycles only just starting to get back to normal now and they're longggggggg at the best of times, so will have a bigger than we wanted gap between DCs if we do go onto have a successful pregnancy.

I have people all around me with bumps and babies and it does get to me (particularly after miscarriage). However when I'm feeling down I think of my DB and DSIL who would be fabulous parents and would be ecstatic to have just one after years of trying and numerous failed IVF attempts, and I feel so grateful to have DS. sad

Despite all that, still can't help feeling frustrated though.

Positive thoughts and fingers crossed for all of us soon. smile

Allyinoz Tue 03-Nov-09 03:12:56

I found this on a website and made me feel more positive.

The cumulative conception rate for women aged 35-39 is 60% after one year of trying and 85% at two years (Taylor 2003). While this may not sound so promising when you want to have a baby right now, these figures may be higher for women who are able to identify their fertile time and focus intercourse within the fertile window. Time to conception is considerably reduced when intercourse is focused within the most fertile window of the menstrual cycle (Hilgers et al 1992).

TabithaWitches Tue 03-Nov-09 12:39:28

Hiya cyan, I didn't try plotting temperature, just obsessively noting down changes in cervical mucus in my diary. I was also using an ovulation microscope, the ones where you look at your salivia on a slide and if there is a crystalline pattern then you are ovulating. DH forbade me to use it after I convinced myself I hadn't ovulated once the whole time I was using it - he blames the microscope and says that I am ovulating. I agreed it was making me miserable, so it has been put away now.
I am still aware of my cycles, and fertile time (supposing everything is ok) but I don't write it down any more.

Fingers crossed for everyone this month.

lovechoc Tue 03-Nov-09 13:15:44

this thread has been busier than I thought it would be. Nice to see others who are going through a similar stage in their lives (not good, but you know what I mean!) now we can all be a support for one another.

It has to happen sometime. mintchoc sorry to hear about your news, but yes, we should be grateful for what we have. there is always some people worse off. Thankfully we all have healthy children, it is a lot to be grateful for. Still it doesn't help when everywhere you look people have 2 or more. Never used to be so aware as I am now.

Hope at least one of us has some good news this month.

cyanarasamba Wed 04-Nov-09 14:50:09

AF is here, made me wait a day after spotting though which almost got my hopes up. Fingers crossed someone has better news this month.

Tabitha - examining CM on a microscope - never heard of that one!

Ok ladies - how much sex is enough? This month we did it on days 5, 8, 11, 13, 15 & 18 (DH has no idea I keep a log!). About average for us I think. I suppose ideally it would be more but it's such a lot of pressure month on month.

Suppose we'll keep pluging away but I'm not hopeful. Has anyone been to the doc yet? That's the next step I suppose

lovechoc Wed 04-Nov-09 19:29:13

cyan am so sorry AF has caught up with you this month, I'm also waiting on AF, should be here any day now.

I also keep a note of DTD throughout the month too. So far days 10,14,17,23 and 26 this cycle. I honestly don't think we do it enough, have said to DH we should do it more but he says it's impossible (shift work). He is tired some night then I'm tired another night etc.

I have been to see the GP (July this year) but she says give it more time, it can take up to two years to conceive blah de blah. She wasn't willing to do any tests and told me to stop worrying, it will happen. I was told I don't display any of the classic symptoms of PCOS, so it's unlikely to be that.

lovechoc Wed 04-Nov-09 19:32:11

The thing is some people hardly DTD and they fall pg all the same, it's very unfair.

Just flicking through my diary I've seen that the average is between 4-6 times a month, not really a great amount is it?? Averages out at about once a week DTD.

lovechoc Wed 04-Nov-09 19:32:41

Tabitha also never heard of that technique, how did you find out about that one?

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