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any experience about decision to have #3?

(9 Posts)
exasperatedmum Tue 29-Sep-09 15:06:32

I know nobody can tell me whether to or not, but I'd love to hear about other people's experiences here.

I'm 34, and have a dd who is 3 in November, and a 7 month old ds. We always planned to have four, but that was before the reality of actually having children hit home!! Live in a small house, not much money etc, but have always thought we'd manage somehow. The main thing is how hard I'm finding having just two. Should I listen to those alarm bells, or do I have to see the bigger picture - I know people have children into their forties and beyond, but I had two fairly difficult pregnancies and wouldn't want to leave it too late, so I'm thinking ttc after Christmas and hope that I'll generally be coping better with both children by then!! Sound crazy??!!

needahand Tue 29-Sep-09 17:21:49

Hi exasperatedmum I know the dilema as I was having it myself until last week when we decided to take the plunge. I am 34 like you and felt that if we didn't go for it in the next year or so, the moment would probably pass and I probably would not have anymore DCs. I think if you really want to (and it sounds like you do) you should go for it. You will always manage somehow what matters is how much love you have to give, not the material things. I am finding having two quite hard too, but at the same time it brings so much joy..so I have decided to focus on the joy.

Let me know what you decide

hadenoughforoneday Tue 29-Sep-09 17:55:24

Hello, I'm 34 too and ttc#3. My question would be - would you always wonder what it might have been like to have 3 (or at least have tried for 3) if you decided not to have a go? If the answer is yes, then you should at least try! Imo, the time, finances, space, sibling age gaps etc will never be right whereas our bodyclocks are ticking....hmm and if you deliberate for too long that bodyclock might just be deciding to slow down! After conceiving extremely quickly with 3 pregnancies (one mc) I am a little surprised ttc#3 is proving to be a little more tricky!

Needahand is right, focus on the joy (I write with gritted teeth having spent a horrid afternoon with both children and almost decided to flog them to a salesman who came knocking at the door. I thought we could do a swap - 2 children for 2 double glazed windows!!)

gemitygem Tue 29-Sep-09 20:11:23

I am a mum of 3, now ttc no 4.

Just wanted to say, going from 1 child to 2 children was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

However going from 2 children to 3 was so easy peasey, i've heard so many people say that too.

I hope going from 3 to 4 is as easy, if it ever bloody happens!!!

KEAWYED Tue 29-Sep-09 20:27:41

I'm with gemitygem I found going from 2 - 3 much easier than I could have imagined and I'm enjoying him so much more.

Now TTC no 4

Lou69 Tue 29-Sep-09 20:48:28

My third was born 2 months before my 40th this year and it's the best thing I could have done. My other two children are 10 & 7. The third just 'slots in' and I am so happy that we decided to take the plunge.

exasperatedmum Tue 29-Sep-09 21:26:17

Thanks everyone - having read all of those replies I'm really smile so thank you!

Exactly right Needahand about that feeling that the moment will pass, we'll just carry on with day-to-day life and convince ourselves that there is no 'right' time, and before we know it too long has gone by, and the prospect of going back to sleepless nights, nappies etc will be even more scary than it is now.

I know there's no saying just because I'm ttc that I could actually get pg too...

You've definitely all said what I wanted to hear though, which makes me think I'm definitely not too crazy. I'm relieved to hear that the step up from two to three isn't as bad as the shockingly horrific step from one to two which nearly finished me off!! At the time though people said that having a second would be a breeze and they would just 'slot in'. To be fair, ds did slot in, it was the toddler who seemed to find it hard to adapt, and her behaviour went off the scale just when I was at my most tiredest...

If only Mumsnet could make me feel this good about every issue in my life! Thanks again for your sensible comments everyone smile

needahand Wed 30-Sep-09 11:12:21

*hadeenough for one day* two children for two double glazed windows seems like a very attractive deal indeed!

gemitygem and Keawyed you are worrying me...does it mean the broodiness never goes! I thought after three (if I manage TTC3) I would be satisfied/have my hands too full...

Good luck exasparatedmum let us know what you decide (...and if you get lucky wink

darydork Fri 02-Oct-09 20:52:25

hi im a 35 year old mammy of 3 and i have to agree with the other girls in that the ease of the transition from 2 to 3 really surprised me, i thought it would be a hole lot worse than it actually was, #3 is almost 2 now and the olders ones who are 6&7 absolutely idolise her, i was sooooo shur after she was born that our family was complete as i could just about cope with 3 kids, but low & behold i am now broody as hell and TTC #4, somedays after a crazy day with them i ask myself what in gods name am i thinking, but my longing for another always wins over, if i am lucky enuf to concieve again hubby will be taking a trip for the aul snip snip!!!!

Go for it EXASPARATED mum, you often hear people say they regret not having another DC but you seldom, if ever, hear anyone say they regret actually having one.... Thats whats making me go with my heart and not my practical mind on TTC #4, i dont want to have regrets when its too late to do anything about it

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