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So who honestly has the energy to DTD every other night?

(13 Posts)
lovechoc Sat 19-Sep-09 12:03:25

TTC no2 but don't have the energy to DTD every other night as is recommended. How on earth does everyone else manage???? Going to take years to fall again it seems

Feel like we are the only ones that are in this rut, because everyone else seems to have loads of kids anywhere/everywhere I look!

Anyone else in the same boat?

waitingforbedtime Sat 19-Sep-09 12:05:49

Feel the same way. This is our 5th month of trying and this month we have dtd every other night mostly but I have had flu so missed a night or two. Its exhausting and I dont want it to become a 'chore'.

Everyone else seems to have masses of children and I feel guilty ds is an only at the minute and worry that'll never change!

Bleatblurt Sat 19-Sep-09 12:11:57

God no. I charted fertility signs so knew when my fertile period was and we DTD for those 5 days (3 days before ovulation, ovulation day and 1 day after). Any other sex outwith this time was a bonus but often it would just be those 5 days.

thumbwitch Sat 19-Sep-09 12:22:10

Every other day??? shock We are ttc no.2 as well and it is a 7 day stint for us - 4 before ovulation, ovulation and 2 days after.
Nothing so far but MUCH stress ongoing, plus being ancient, plus still bfing DS so not surprising - hoping it works this month though as the 7 days are getting a wee bit pressured

lovechoc Sat 19-Sep-09 13:18:49

we tried but after the first week we just cannot do it. it didn't seem right, almost like a chore. we've never managed it since, so we just DTD when we feel we can manage it (which is on average once a week). I wish we could do it more, but either one is really knackered, then the next time the other one is.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 19-Sep-09 15:46:10

DTD every night is not recommended; it can decrease the numbers of sperms. it can also put undue pressure on the relationship if one of you doesn't feel like it.

Make love when you both feel like it instead and forget about timing of intercourse. Two or three times a week throughout the month is fine

lovechoc Sat 19-Sep-09 18:47:05

twice a week is a real struggle, but surely it has to happen at some point?? I must just keep missing the vital moment when the egg is released..life can be truly s**t sometimes

Prinpo Sat 19-Sep-09 18:59:52

God, I can really empathise! For us it became a real chore, then I got preg, then mc at 11 weeks. When we started again we went into it with a different mindset and it's become much more enjoyable (and consequently we've felt like bding more often). I think there's a fine line to walk between making sure you're bding enough around the critical time but not making it the be all and end all. We've missed a few nights when we 'should' and I think in the longer term that's been for the better.

thumbwitch Sat 19-Sep-09 21:06:31

maybe not Attila, but it's how we got DS in the first place

AcrylicAfternoons Sun 20-Sep-09 00:52:45

I agree with Attila. This is what our consultant has just told us at the sub-fertility clinic. She categorically stated that only having sex when you think you're fertile is not recommended. Men need to have sex regularly for optimum sperm production. But sex every night can decrease the number of sperms (as it takes a couple of days for new ones to be made). She said that regular sex throughout your cycle - about 3 times a week is best, and anything less than this would be considered 'sub-optimum' for getting pregnant.

babybarrister Mon 21-Sep-09 19:20:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovechoc Mon 21-Sep-09 19:37:35

I can't do it three times a week. Mentally, I could, but my body just can't manage it. I envy those who can do it that amount in a week. I am very jealous!!

Meita Tue 22-Sep-09 10:45:07

I agree that observing fertility signs can help to time the BD. You can have sex 20 times in a given month and still have 0% chance to conceive, whereas if you do 4 times a month but on the right days, you're chances are optimal (i.e. 20-30%).
So if you feel you don't have the energy to keep having regular sex throughout the month, this can indeed be a good option!

The drawbacks are: 1) the pressure on those "good" days mounts. Not knowing if you are currently fertile or not can be quite relaxing in contrast! 2) It doesn't work for everyone. Sometimes you get confusing or unclear signs.

I once read of a "conception plan" which went like this (assuming you have a 28 day cycle):

- Start having sex every other night from CD8.
- Start using an ovulation predictor kit on CD10.
- Once you get a positive on your OPK, have sex that night and every day of the subsequent two days.

Assuming that you ovulate on CD14, this could mean:
Sex on CD8, 10
positive OPK on CD12 and CD13
Sex on CD12, 13, 14, (15)

So you'd have had sex 5-6 times, and you'd have optimal chances for conception, and even if the OPK doesn't work (they don't always) or you had ovulated earlier or later than usually, you wouldn't have missed a chance.

Anyone who is finding it hard to find the energy to have sex 3 times a week for the whole month might find this plan interesting. Good luck!

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