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Please can i have your opinions, don't know if i have posted in the correct topic..

(4 Posts)
Marne Mon 14-Sep-09 16:20:06

Not sure if i am posting in the correct topic, i normally post in 'special needs children' but i wanted some opinions from people without SN Children.

Dh and i have been talking about trying for another baby for sometime but there are a few things holding us back.

As some of you may know we have 2 wonderful daughters aged 3 and 5, both are on the Autistic Spectrum (high functioning), the past couple of years have been tough going through 2 diagnosis's, hospital appointments and therapy (mainly for dd2).

I always wanted a large family which in a way we have (i have 3 lovely step children), but i would really like one more child.

We have been told that there is a 60% chance that we would have another child on the spectrum.

Dh worries that people will think we are being unfair (to the children we have and the new baby) by risking having another ASD child.

Please can i ask you for your honest opinions, do you think it would be unfair?

Both of my girls are happy, Dd1 shows very few ASD traits and is getting on very well in main stream school, dd2 struggles with speech and has sensory issues.

randomtask Mon 14-Sep-09 16:28:05

I think unfair is a personal issue. Would it be unfair to you to have to look after 3 children with ASD? You obviously don't think so. If you're children can be happy then I don't think it's unfair to them either.

What you have to think about is the life your child will lead and the life you will lead. You already know you can have happy children, surely that's the most 'fair' thing in the world?

Do you think it's unfair to have a child when you're in an abusive relationship/working all hours? I reckon you probably think not and surely that's going to affect the child's happiness more than anything.

Tell DH that if you don't think it's unfair then surely that's what matters? People who would think like that aren't worth knowing.

Oh and as a disclaimer, I'm a mother of a DSS aged 8 who is perfectly 'normal', hard work, loud, misbehaves, loving, etc.

Marne Mon 14-Sep-09 17:47:49

Thank you random task, any one that knows us knows that my girls are happy and well cared for.

My daughters are my world, dd1 would love a brother and has already chosen a name smile.

Yes there's a 60% chance of the child having ASD but there is also a 40% chance that it won't.

randomtask Tue 15-Sep-09 09:26:58

I have something 'wrong' with my blood which if DH had it would have meant we'd have a 25% chance of our DC being ill from birth and dying young, 25% of them being fine and 50% chance of them having the 'trait' like me.

Thankfully he didn't have it but it does make you wonder what you'd do and just be very glad to not have to find out.

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