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Anyone over 35, TTC #1 for over 6 months ???? I feel desperate

(15 Posts)
shesadiamond Wed 09-Sep-09 14:46:57

I dont want to feel this desperate, but its been 7 months now and I'm starting to feel like its never going to happen. I know my age is against me but I swear we are doing IT right,blush on the right days grin but every month sad. I've had fertility tests in the past and all came back ok and DH has a son from a previous relationship so why why why cant we make it happen? I'm spending hours reading everything from hints and tips, opks, grapefruit juice, cough syrup, vitamins, early symptoms, feeling envy because everywhere I look are babies.... I know I'm not alone in this and I feel slightly less insane after reading the threads on here (some of which are hilarious)grin. Maybe its hormones (here I go again...) but I feel desperate today and extremely sad. Anyone else?

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 09-Sep-09 16:03:03

Feel for you. However, its not solely a question of doing it "right" and on the "right days". Infact any timing of intercourse can do more harm than good.

Ovulation is not an exact science and a woman can ovulate earlier, later or not at all in any given cycle.

If your menstrual cycle is heavy, irregular and or painful you should seek help sooner rather than later.

Any test result done over six months ago should be discounted; you should both have up to date test results. Subfertility is not the sole preserve of the woman, the man can be subfertile too.

The general consensus seems to be that if you're over 35 and have been ttc for six months without success then medical advice should be sought. Would urge you therefore to visit your GP and ask for a referral to a gynae at a subfertility unit. Getting this process going may help you feel better because you are being proactive.

Conundrumish Wed 09-Sep-09 16:26:57

I got my positive test the month we self referred for investigations (I was over 40 though).

Don't forget that at 'our age' (sorry) a lot of eggs are substandard and therefore even if they are fertilised, a pregnancy does not continue. Probably better for that to happen than to become pregnant & miscarry with all the hormonal upset it produces.

In the end, we had heard of so many people booking expensive round the world trips and then falling pregnant that we did our own budget version of this and bought the full range of camping gear for four - and became pregnant a couple of months later with DC3.

I honestly expect you have another decade of babies ahead, so don't panic yet!

idealcamel Wed 09-Sep-09 16:29:49

Come and join the dark side:

There are days (actually like today) when I feel desperate and really sad. There's not a lot I can add except that, thankfully, I can't stay at that pitch for very long. It is hard, it is stressful and it's tough to understand why other people find it so easy.

Am deliberately avoiding telling you it will happen or that you'll be ok, as that kind of comment is currently driving me insane!

Take care of yourself, and go and eat some ice-cream, which I'm reliably informed is good for fertility!

skihorse Wed 09-Sep-09 16:49:11

idealcamel Yes, but you must eat good quality ice-cream which is why I'm proud to say I know of every Ben & Jerrys distributor within a 10 mile radius. <smug face>

VeryAngryGusset Wed 09-Sep-09 17:04:07

Join the Dark Side! - we have a Pit of Angst to wallow in and everything! (We keep George Clooney in there)

Mouette Wed 09-Sep-09 20:06:50

Hi shesadiamond,
You have a 20% chance of conceiving with every cycle - that means an 80% of not conceiving unfortunately. It is estimated that 40% of couples take more than 6 months to conceive, even if they're doing everything right. So please don't lose heart. But I agree you should think about talking to your GP and asking for a referral to a gynaecologist specialising in fertility problems. If nothing else it will put your mind at rest.
For information, I gave birth for the first time last April (finally - after 3 years of trying, fertility treatment, and a late mc). I am 38. x

Joolsiam Thu 10-Sep-09 08:43:07

Shesadiamond - I'm currently 39 and TTC#1

I had a chemical pregnancy in July last year, after 6 months of simply not using contraception.

2 months later, I conceived again and that pregnancy lasted 11 weeks and 5 days. 5 months after that MC (and 3 months after my cycle got back to normal post MC), I conceived again, miscarrying at 6 weeks.

Now, 5 months on, I am coming to the end of a two week wait and trying not to symptom spot !!

I'm not sure what the point of telling you all this is, other than to say that you CAN conceive at this age, but I think you do have to expect that, due to aged eggs, you have to crack a few open before you find one still in date grin Perhaps your body is simply more efficient at recognising when an egg is not going to last the course and, as another poster said, is saving you from the heartache that is MC

If you are over 35 and have been trying for 6 months or more, I think you can be referred for fertility investigations, so why not do so - if your previous tests were in the past, perhaps things have changed now ? Perhaps you are not ovulating - that can be tested pretty easily AND treated - worth going through it all again I think, unless the tests were recent.

Good luck

shakespearssister Thu 10-Sep-09 13:04:56

I'm 36 and we'd been trying for 7 months now. I had already put a date in my diary to go to see our GP to get some tests done. I'd been doing all the right things, eating super healthy, doing it on the right days etc. Over the past 6 weeks I got really fed up, went on a bit of mainly eating rubbish binge and didn't really plan BD-ing. Turns out I'm now pregnant! I've done four tests on consecutive days and still can't believe it.

shesadiamond Thu 10-Sep-09 14:03:32

Joolsiam I'm sorry to hear what you have been through. I shouldn't be sitting here feeling sorry for myself and you're right, I should make an appt to see my gp and see where we go from there. No time to waste!
Thanks all for your advice, it really does help to hear from you knowing you are feeling the same. No one knows we are trying so I have no one to talk to other than you guys, thanks!
Moutte you give me hope grin

dazedandconfused Thu 10-Sep-09 19:50:20

Just thought I'd add my penny's worth: although I was early 30s when we ttc DS, it took over a year. Interestingly, the first time we did it 'doggy-style' blush, I got pregnant. DD was conceived this way too. I found out later that I have a posterior cervix, so I reckon that was why we didn't hit the mark on the previous occasions. Keep going, and vary your timings and positions! Good luck!

Mouette Fri 11-Sep-09 19:46:17

All the best smile

pinkpeony Fri 11-Sep-09 23:08:57

I had a mc at 34 and then in took me 12 months when I was 35 to get pg again - had loads of fertility tests and all came back normal - finally booked appointments with fertility clinics and had a BFP the morning of my first appointment with gynae. I guess it happened the month I decided that's it, if it's not going to happen naturally it's time to do something about it... DS is now 4 months old. If it makes you feel any better, I have a lot of girlfriends "our age" who took 9 months or more getting pg - it's just slower now than it was at 25. Good luck, and hope it works for you.

Patsy99 Thu 17-Sep-09 22:31:29

You should go to your GP for initial blood/sperm tests given that you're over 35 and have been trying for 6 months. I started ttc #1 aged 35, went to the doctor after 6 months and it turmed out that there was a problem I didn't know about (underactive thyroid). Happily it was easily sorted out and 3 months later I was pregnant. It was an anxious time but taking action to get contol of the situation might make you feel better. Currently ttc #2, 4 months so far and to be honest feeling a bit panicky, although on any rational basis that's ridiculous. 3 close friends PG with #2 at the moment, not helping. On the upside they're all late 30's so it shows it can be done.

LeviStubbsTears Sat 19-Sep-09 05:58:08

Hi there,

Nothing very helpful to report, but just to say I know just how you feel! I'm 37 and have been TTC for four years, though I work away from home for some of the week so wasn't making too much of an effort to start with so it's probably more like two years of targeted effort, as it were. But still long enough. So I'd advise getting checked out asap. There is no obvious reason why we're not conceiving - they've done all the tests - but we're about to go on a waiting list for IVF, so at least there are positive steps still to be taken. All of my friends who want kids have managed to have them one way or another, and friends who have been trying for FIVE years are now expecting in December after taking Clomid, so there is a huge amount they can do if there is a problem, but chances are there isn't, it just takes a bit of time. I know it's almost impossible and everyone always says it, but try to relax if you can! Also, have enough sex - we didn't and probably still don't some months if truth be told, while being very happy in the relationship, just because we have a fairly hectic lifestyle and lots of visitors, and I'm sure that is an issue with us that we really need to address! I'd say the every 3 days, without getting too hung up about ovulation etc. is a good idea if you can manage it. (Others may have thoughts about this.) Anyway, I'm sure you don't need a lecture from someone who evidently doesn't know what works. But just to say I really sympathize and I know just how you feel...

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