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did you/do you long for a 2nd child as much as your 1st?

(26 Posts)
ilovetochat Mon 07-Sep-09 15:59:07

I have a dd (2.2) and i was desperate for a baby, constantly looking at prams and thinking about it and insanely jealous of pregnant people so was delighted when we had dd.
Now we are thinking about ttc again but i dont feel the same desparation and jealousy. Does that mean i dont want another enough or just that i already have dd so am already very happy? id like a sibling for dd and would like 2 dc and would love to be pregnant again.

BerylCole Mon 07-Sep-09 16:03:57

Yes, I did. It hit me very suddenly when DS was around 2.5 yrs old. I then got pregnant and had a miscarriage, and after that I was like a woman possessed. I didn';t find pregnancy very exciting second time around, to be honest. You don't get half as much attention from friends and family sad grin.

ChairmumMiaow Mon 07-Sep-09 16:51:55

I am feeling that desperation but not as keenly as the first time round (although DS was a fortunate contraception failure so we never had to go through the TTC stuff).

I desperately want to do the baby thing again but when the desperate feelings strike I have DS to look at. He is at such a wonderful age that I can remind myself that I just have more time to enjoy him before he has to share me!

ilovetochat Mon 07-Sep-09 20:03:24

i think i know i want another dc but im worried that being pregnant would have a negative effect on dd and our relationship as she can be hard work.
im almost 32 so dont have all the time in the world and realise it could take years or not even happen.
i cant imagine looking after a 2yr old and being pregnant but i guess thats always a problem.

wonderingwondering Mon 07-Sep-09 20:06:34

I didn't have that 'baby desperation' I had with my first. We took a practical decision that now was a good time to try for a second, and once we decided to go for it, we were quite excited about it. But I knew what it was about second time round, and our lives had already changed in that we were parents already, so there wasn't that 'leaping off a cliff' feeling when we started trying for our second that we got with our first.

millenniumfalcon Mon 07-Sep-09 20:14:24

more so, as all my baby friends were all having seconds and i was fighting through a nasty patch of depression so in no fit state to have another. after a somewhat traumatic birth and a very difficult first year (colic, sleeping problems) i wasn't sure if i'd ever be up to repeating the baby stage tbh. (happy ending: the depression eventually lifted and baby2 was a champion sleeper )

LadyOfTheFlowers Mon 07-Sep-09 20:16:13

DS1 was very much wanted. Prior to this was my very first pregnancy which ended in miscarriage. I was then overwhelmed with a 'need' to become pregnant asap which was DS1.

DS2 was also very wanted as I never wanted one child, but the want was different. This time I 'wanted' previously I 'needed'.

DS3 I also very much wanted by myself, but DH kept saying 'no more kids' blah blah. Talked myself into having no more, then found out was preg. Was shocked as had made up my mind I would have no more. DH very shocked, after about a week was over the moon tho.... hmm now dotes on him.

Am preg with DC4. When I started out this baby lark I always wanted 4, but when I got to 3 realised 3 was enough and was very content.
This preg initially caused a lot of upset but is now very much happening and DH has once more come round.

Long waffle, but hope it helps.

Woofie Mon 07-Sep-09 20:28:12

Think I felt much like you for the first couple of years with ds - having previously thought that I'd like to have 2 close together, I was just enjoying him so much plus also getting started in a new career, so decided to put off No2 til I qualified for mat leave etc... Ds is now 3.6 and we've been trying for 6 months for No2. I realise that's not long in the grand scheme of things, but I'm obSESSed!! Definitely now have the urge just as strongly as with No1 (who was a 1-try wonder) and I'm finding the waiting very hard. I guess the strong need evolved more slowly this time.

civilfawlty Mon 07-Sep-09 20:29:51

I desperately want another child but, since I am single, working crazy weeks, and struggling to keep up, I simply cant see how it will ever happen.

notevenamousie Mon 07-Sep-09 20:31:30

I would love #2, but pregnancy is disastrous for me - maybe that is making the longings worse, you want something you can't realistically have?

Umlellala Mon 07-Sep-09 20:40:01


daisyj Mon 07-Sep-09 20:44:15

Gosh ilovetochat - 32 sounds like all the time in the world to me grin. I'm 37 and have 5mo dd. Been thinking about ttc again since she was born, but on the other hand I'm enjoying her so much I don't want to be distracted by another pregnancy yet. Loved being pg, though, and would love another bump, but I'll be at least 38 even if we start ttc again soon. Tbh, I've never quite understood people who are desperate for a baby once they've had one. That's not a judgement, btw, just a personal thing. I had mc with our first, so I've done my desperate thing, and I'd be sad if I couldn't have another, but not devastated iyswim.

tattycoram Mon 07-Sep-09 20:45:53

Woofie, I am in exactly the same position, enjoyed ds + new career. Have now been ttc for nine months and had assumed we would have no probs as ds was a happy accident. OP much as I would love another baby I don't feel the same absolute desperation I did before having ds

Woofie Mon 07-Sep-09 21:16:03

tatty - sorry it's taking a while for you too - it's difficult not to have expectations when it was easy first time round. Good luck to you smile

ilovetochat Mon 07-Sep-09 21:39:05

i think for us, when we spoke about ttc first we agreed we would do anything, IVF, adopt, we had to try for a child. wheras if we couldnt concieve this time i think we'd leave it to fate. that makes me think we dont want it the same but i know its different as we already have dd.
i never wanted dc close together in age. i wanted to enjoy dd, concentrate on her for her baby years and always said a mimimum of a 3yr gap. she is 2.2 now so i suppose thats why im thinking harder about it as if we ttc soon it would be a 3yr gap plus however long it takes.
i understand what you say about it being more of a want than a need this time round.

tattycoram Tue 08-Sep-09 19:36:56

You too Woofie smile. OP you sound just like me. But, I wonder how I would feel if I found out that I absolutely could not have another baby. I think I would feel pretty desperate.

nymphadora Tue 08-Sep-09 19:40:11

We are ttc number 3 (dp 1st) and I have been desprate since dd2 was born(8 years) dp has got more keen since we have been together & lately is defbroody!

ilovetochat Tue 08-Sep-09 20:40:06

if i found out i couldnt have any more id be very very upset. infact as im rhesus negative and dd is positive and i didnt have anti d at all in pregnancy and not till 30ish hours after the birth i suppose that mighht be the case and in part that worry puts me off.

photoframe Tue 08-Sep-09 21:34:45

I was desperate to have DC1 but probably even MORE desperate to have a 2nd child. Really didn't want DS to be an only child. I was an only child and always longed for a sibling.

ilovetochat Tue 08-Sep-09 22:04:09

me too photoframe, im an only who wanted siblings and dp has 2 sibllngs and although they fought they always had each other to play with. i think making the decision of when to ttc is very difficult.

4andnotout Tue 08-Sep-09 22:11:03

When i fell pg with dd1 it was a complete accident but turned out to be the making of me, then when i met dp we decided we wanted to ttc for a dc together, we were quite relaxed about it even though i had a mc then a successfull pregnancy with dd2.
Then when dd2 was about 18 months i was told i was very unlikely to have another baby as i had several cysts on each ovary, another mc followed and then lo and behold i was pg with dd3. When dd3 was 5 months old we found out i was pg with dd4 who was a complete surprise!
Now she is 10 months old and i'm desperate for another, i feel insanely jealous when friends announce their pregnancies and can't stop looking at womens bumps and newborns in prams!

flintski Tue 08-Sep-09 22:25:36

Yes - in fact probably a bit more so as dd came along after only 3 months ttc 5 years ago. Now we have been ttc for over 18 months and I've almost gone through desperate and am nearly at resigned that I will only have one.

lovechoc Wed 09-Sep-09 11:30:43

I have ds 2.5 and trying for a second child, have been for months now. The longing this time is worse than with DS.

twirlymum Wed 09-Sep-09 11:38:09

I fell pregnant straight away with dd (now 8) and knew I didn't want her to be an only child. Had awful sickness all the way through, and an emergency cs, followed by post natal depression. Took nearly four years before I felt able to try again, but had a mc. It then took over two years before I got pregnant again. ds is 2.6 now. The gap is quite big, but has it's pros and cons. Another emergency cs again though!!!

OmniDroid Wed 09-Sep-09 11:39:28

Yes, but it was a different kind of longing.

First time, it was ... biological, somehow. The second, I knew what it was I was getting into. We took a while to concieve DD (DC2), and I was so sad and desperate after 11 failed months, but it was a different longing to the one I felt for my first child.

That doesn't really explain it very well though.

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