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Trying for a 3rd - emotional & financial madness?

(52 Posts)
BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 12:29:28

We have 2 DDs (2.4 & 10m) and are considering TTC for our 3rd. Financial side of things isn't too rosy (but that's for another thread, another time) but we're surviving.

I need to hear from those of you who've stopped at 2 (but had considered a 3rd), and those of you who've gone ahead and got a 3rd (or 4th, or 5th??!) and tell me it's everything you hoped it would be (or otherwise )

Also: how much more can having a 3rd child cost you financially - other than reduced income which may not be a factor anyway if I choose to be a SAHM with the two DDs I have already?

TheDMshouldbeRivened Sun 30-Aug-09 13:05:56

we have 4. The first 3 were all within 3 years so equipment and nappies were used for each child so no financial outlay at all (already had a double buggy for numbers 1 and 2)
I was a sahm so no loss of earnings.
Never regreted it grin

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 13:14:55

Ours would be close too. What about cars, holidays and all that shabang?

TheDMshouldbeRivened Sun 30-Aug-09 13:22:58

we didn't own a car at first but eventually got a little Ford Escort. 3 car seats could be squashed fitted in. Holidays were camping. DH has never been paid much but we managed. I'm not a big shopper and we trawl charity shops for children's clothes (this was all pre-CTC as well)
Kids were definately worth it though (though I might say that through gritted teeth some days grin)

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 14:17:21

Thanks DM, it's just how I imagined it would/should be! Slightly concerned that you're the only one who's brave enough to tell me how it really is ;)

LadyOfTheFlowers Sun 30-Aug-09 14:30:34

I will be brutally honest if you like?! grin

Had 2, fell preg again - DH panicked about ££ etc.
Baby came, was a 3rd boy so had all the clothes toys etc - they can all share the same room... bargain! wink

Needed a bigger car - traded our '97 Volvo for a '95 Volvo (DH is a Volvo Tech) with a carseat built into middle seat - bunged other 2 seats either side. Hey Presto.

Was already SAHM after birth of DS2 so no change there.

Am preg again with no.4 - am guessing will probo be a boy - 2 sets of bunks eventually in their room is what what will happen if this is so. If baby is a girl..... ? ? ? Cross that bridge when we come to it. (House is a 2 bed terrace)

What it's like:

DHs ma & pa live in spain, so we save up all year for a budget flight out to theirs for a holiday (obv dont have to pay for board/food etc)

We get by each month - tbh - have found with each child the increase in CB/Tax Credits tends to cover - have never really been out of 'baby mode' so nappy/milk expense has always been there since 2005.

I honestly don't think the increase in kids is what cripples us - it's the increases in everything else lately that has been hard for us - food, gas, elec etc etc.

I learnt to cook from scratch - this saves loads of money.

Don't know what else to say really. We do run out of money, sometimes 2 weeks before payday, but I honestly dont think it's because of the number of children.

They have what DH and I consider a good Christmas - we start buying bits and pieces around now - food/presents etc. They are happy kids. (From what I can tell!!)

LadyOfTheFlowers Sun 30-Aug-09 14:35:25

Ooh yes, I also do charity shops/car-boots and ebay for stuff sometimes.
I got a brand new high chair at the boot recently for £12 which had been 'kept at Grandmas' and used 4 times'. Ta very much!
An adjustable height £50+ jobby.

I get a lot of lovely clothes from charity shops: gap, m&s, timberland, mexx, osh-kosh, oilily.

As DM says - Is hard at times, won't lie, but the kids do make it so worth it.

LadyOfTheFlowers Sun 30-Aug-09 14:38:01

Forgot to say - Car can have 6th and 7th seat fitted in boot so are looking into that option at the mo.
Thank God for Volvo! lol

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 14:39:05

Thank you Lady! Happy Kids is what it's all about
I'm already cooking from scratch (lucky family!) and counting the pennies, so just wanted a confirmation that more kids doesn't necessarily mean way higher costs.

And do they get on any worse than when there were just two? How do you cope (compared to when you just had the two?)

(btw Ebay does great bundles of clothes if your next one does turn out to be a girl)

LadyOfTheFlowers Sun 30-Aug-09 14:46:52

I'm gonna go girly bananas and nuts if it's a girl!!

I think it depends on the ages really. DS1 & 2 have 14m between them so tend to entertain each other - they also like to 'look after' DS3 (play with/cuddle) which helps me at times, though it only lasts about 15mins at a time. Still long enough for me to wash up/flick hoover round.

I think I have not been as fair with sharing my time recently, more so with DS1, so I do ensure I spend special time with the older 2 individually.
If I notice bouts of bad behaviour, a few days of making time for this tends to resolve it quickly.

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 15:19:40

at "girly bananas"

Anyone else out there with another opinion (surely three is the minimum number for a poll)

Then again, surely I shouldn't base my life 'plan' on a poll from the internet?! lol

Scorps Sun 30-Aug-09 15:29:38

I'm pg with dc4. dc3 was the ebst thing i have ever done grin. She was pretty much free at birth - BF. Also i use cloth so dc4 will be free too grin for at least 6 months.

dd1 is only 16 months and dd2 is due on Xmas day, so i have saved everything, again helps reduce cost.

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 15:33:52

You'll have four under the age of 2 by Christmas??? Is that even possible?! (Or am I being a bit thick!) (Maybe it's a good idea for me to get pg as baby brains haven't ever got any better)

You going for more?

Scorps Sun 30-Aug-09 15:39:39

No, LOL grin

i have 2 boys, 7 & 4, then dd who is 16 motnhs, and my new one is also a girl, due Xmas day

<<faints at 4 under 2>>

and yes, may squeeze in more one day, i am only 24, so plenty of life yet!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Sun 30-Aug-09 15:39:40

I've recently found out I'm pregnant with DC3. Tbh I was shocked and scared to death when I found out....I still am really.
Financially we also struggle sometimes though always get by. We won't have to buy much stuff this time around really. We are planning on moving DS out of his cot bed into a normal single bed and converting it back to a cot for the new arrival, I already have a Phil and Ted, highchair, carseat etc. I didn't use formula at all last time so if I can do that again I will save a fortune. It's just the cost of nappies initially really. I'm more worried about coping emotionally and practically.

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 15:51:59

Sorry for being a bit blush doh! scorps - read DD1 as DC1 - and as she's 16 months, was a bit shock shock shock! pml

When are you due kidreole? How old are the first two?

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Sun 30-Aug-09 15:57:05

I think I'm due in April. Not really sure of my dates and haven't been to Dr's yet...I've been putting it off! Ds has just turned 4 this month and DD is 18 months.

sweetkitty Sun 30-Aug-09 16:24:46

I have just found out I am pregnant with no4, planned.

We have 5, nearly 4 and 13 mo DDs, we will be building an extension next year but we would have done that anyway, car will need to be changed too, amd thinking of going over to cloth nappies again but don't know, if DB4 is a girl have kept everything so won't be that expensive to start with. Have no family help so just DP and I really.

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 16:54:20

Sorry kidcreole meant to say congratulations (if it's what you want!)

Congrats sweetkitty too - fab news and good to hear of others coping with 3 (and then some!)

We have a prius, not sure I can fit 3 into a prius

Bunk beds def. the way forward (but from what age can they go on the top one?)

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 19:52:16

bump (for evening MNers)

advice please

chosenone Sun 30-Aug-09 20:06:21

DH and I decided to ttc DC3 2 months ago, nothing happened month 1 and when my peiod came I was relieved hmm so we talked again and decided we are happy with two, we have DS 4 and DD 2 and tbh its because I have one of each I'm not gunning for a DC3 as much as if I had 2 same sex, wrong I know. Then this month I have felt all broody again and can not imagine 2 for the rest of our lives IYSWIM, on holiday it was easy with 2, days out easier with 2 (im presuming, it just felt easier) but when I look ahead to school days, teen years (eeek) and adulthood I see myself with more. I am one of 2 and once we hit secondary years were not close and haven't been since, always wished for a sister! I'd like to give my children more choice!?

Its a practical issue holding me back we're stuck in a little 2 bed semi (DC share quite a big room with a mid sleeper with matress underneath and play area) we have very little equity, and although we overpay on mortgage were not going to be able to sell for 2/3 years. Im worried Id regret not having a 3rd so now Im not thinking about it too much, we've used condoms once this month and not bothered once so its in the hands of the gods! blush {irresponsible emotiocon}

FlyMeToDunoon Sun 30-Aug-09 20:13:55

Unexpected 3rd PG put DP into a flat spin about finances. We had decided against another only a few months before.
Of course DD3 is lovely. BUT
Food for 5 instead of four is more expensive and seems slightly more awkward- things often come in packs of two or four.
DD1 did dancing and swimming, DD2 has done some dancing but now we don't seem to have the money for any of them to do any activities let alone all three doing dancing and swimming. DD3 may never get the oportunity.

Emotionally.
It was a strain at first due to the unexpected nature of PG but otherwise I think just the usual hell of sibling rivalry, maternal tiredness and general mayhem.
grin

BubbaAndBump Sun 30-Aug-09 20:57:59

Thank you both, lots of food for thought (though there'd be less food if we had five of us!)

chosenone - your planning sounds like my kind of planning (if it's meant to be and all that...),

flyme... We're scratching around for pennies already for food, so am cooking mostly from scratch anyway. You've got a good point about clubs etc - hadn't considered that at all (and obviously our DCs would all be child geniuses and do degrees, masters, PhDs etc etc - so that might be tricky too hmm )

Oooooh, keep the advice coming, this is all really helpful

LittlePushka Mon 31-Aug-09 01:01:17

MMmmm, this is all very close to home!!

I say... girl, if you got love to spare you gotta park it somewhere, so go for it.

So far as practicalities and finance go I think that you just just automatically prioritise your lifestyle and your children will prioritise theirs too their wants too.

Energy comes at a premium I would imagine,...but I would much rather live with tiredness than regret, I think.

Best wishes, whatever you chose!

BubbaAndBump Mon 31-Aug-09 06:27:53

LittlePushka ~ you're a genius

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