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Sensitive subject need MC advice for my sis.

(10 Posts)
shoppingmad Mon 13-Jul-09 13:21:47

Hello All

Might I jut say what a supportive and friendly board.
Need some advice for my sister. She lost a baby at 22 weeks last year due to her placenta coming away early (placental abruption). I was also pregnant and went on to have a baby girl.
She has had a tough year and we have all supported her as much as we can. The hospital told her that she is a now considered to be a high risk in future pregnancies and will potentially have a very premature baby or will have recurrent miscarriages. Last week she suffered a miscarriage at about 7 weeks and is devastated. I feel desperate for her, anyone else had a similar experience?

babyboom1979 Mon 13-Jul-09 14:56:07

Hi Shopping......I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I didn't want your thread to go unanswered. What your sister has gone through is truly terrible and it must be incredibly hard for her to keep trying. The hope to cling on to is that because she can fall pregnant, it is very likely that she will at some point go on to have a healthy child. It may be hard and she may have more false starts (I've had two early miscarriages myself) but she will eventually carry to term (or far enough to have a healthy baby). I'm really hoping that she is third time lucky......she is fortunate to have such a concerned and caring sister. Hang in there for her -- she will need all the support she can get.

YouNeverCanTell Mon 13-Jul-09 19:17:49

Is that all the 'help' the hospital is offering? Does the hospital have an early miscarriage/problematic pregnancy specialism? Can you get referred elsewhere? My sister has had 9 miscarriages, all very early (and one successful pregnancy, lovely daughter now aged 7). Nothing much was done to help her (it was a decade ago). I've since found out, through the experiences of a friend who also suffers recurrent early miscarriages, that some places are much better set up to help than others. (We live in Oxford and I know the JR here has an excellent early miscarriage unit.) As with so much else, if you don't make a fuss you might not get what you need so I would really encourage your sister to keep asking questions ... The advice she has been given sounds a little bleak.

I also offer my sympathy to you. I have three gorgeous children and it's hard not to feel guilty when my sister has suffered so much. (Especially when unthinking people offer the opinion that it is odd or selfish to only have one child!) Enjoy your baby without guilt.

YouNeverCanTell Mon 13-Jul-09 19:18:45

Oops ... I meant 'Can she get referred elsewhere?'

shoppingmad Mon 13-Jul-09 19:32:47

Thanks for those replies. I agree the hospital haven't been a great help to her. They have a policy that before any investigations are done you have to have had 3 or more miscarriages!!??!! I just can't imagine what turmoil you are in after 1 miscarriage wanting the desperate answers as to why.
I must just say that my sister is lovely with my little girl and is so supportive even after I had her which is why I feel so terrible for her.
Thanks again.

vonsudenfed Mon 13-Jul-09 19:42:04

The Miscarriage Association are a great help - they have loads of leaflets online, and can also talk to her over the telephone (if I remember right) to perhaps answer some of her questions.

I am v surprised that the hospital is saying that but then not offering her any tests. It probably is worth her going to her gp to talk through what the options are - he/she may well be able to refer her.

Miscarriage is a horrible thing to go through - I've had two and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy - but it is worth remembering that it can be just one of those things. As DP's uncle (a research prof in reproduction!) said, sometimes the photocopying of the gene just goes a bit wrong along the way and it doesn't work out. I found that v reassuring, as it sort of took the blame off me a bit.

I hope she's feeling better soon. You sound lovely to be looking out for her so well.

ttalloo Mon 13-Jul-09 20:08:35

Your poor sister - I've had two early miscarriages and they were bad enough, but to lose a baby at 22 weeks must be horrendous. I was so frustrated and dispirited by the NHS approach to investigating miscarriage (wait for three before they do anything), not to mention their messing up the D&C I had to have after the second miscarriage, that I saw a gynaecologist on Harley Street privately. It was well worth it to be checked out thoroughly, be given good, sound advice, and be reassured that there was no reason why I couldn't have children (and I now, unbelievably, have two). Miscarriage is usually just one of those things, but that's no help to someone who's going through the misery of it without even one child to cuddle, so I think it might help your sister a lot if she can see someone privately. Perhaps there is no reason why she can't go on to have a baby (in which case it will be good to hear that from an expert), or perhaps she does have a problem that can be fixed before she tries again. Maybe you and your family could have a whipround for the cost? In any case, the fact that she has you looking out for her is wonderful.

shoppingmad Mon 13-Jul-09 20:28:39

Thats really good advice about getting a private consultation. I think in a few weeks I will mention it to her.
Can I ask a personal question about your post? Why did you have a D & C after a miscarriage? Please ignore my question if it is too painful to answer.

ttalloo Tue 14-Jul-09 09:27:56

No, I don't mind telling you why - my second miscarriage was due to an anembryonic pregnancy, which is when the embryo dies very shortly after conception. Pregnancy hormones remain very high so that a pregnancy test will, cruelly, show up as positive, and they don't start dropping until the 10th or 11th week which is when the body realises that there is a problem and bleeding begins. I shot to the hospital for an ultrasound and was told there was a pregnancy sac with nothing in it. In anembryonic miscarriage the body will take a very long time to expel the products of conception, which is why a D&C is recommended. Unfortunately, in my case they didn't do it properly, so the first period I had a month after the D&C lasted for three weeks, with gushes of blood that flooded my clothes. Not exactly normal, but both my GP and the hospital told me that it was, so in despair I saw a private gynaecologist, who told me that the hospital had removed hardly anything, the result being that I would struggle to conceive again, not to mention continue to have horrendous periods. What I learnt from the experience was not to trust doctors - if I feel that there's something wrong, and they tell me there isn't, then I will always seek a second and third opinion until I get to the bottom of it. For your sister just to be blandly told that she's going to be at risk of recurrent miscarriage or having a very premature baby is not helpful - she needs to know if there's anything that can be done to help her now. And a lot can be done - one of my friends had six miscarriages, and finally had a daughter after IVF, and then 18 months later had a son naturally. There is always hope and help, and as long as your sister remains positive (easier said than done, I know) and has the support of those that love her, there's every chance that one day she will be posting on Mumsnet for advice on dealing with a baby that won't sleep!

shoppingmad Tue 14-Jul-09 13:44:48

That sounds horrendous for you and I am filled with tears.
How lovely that you now have 2 children but I suppose you felt at the time that it was so devastating. I spoke to my sister this morning and she was going for an appointment with the consultant to find out a bit more.
My mum will go with her to listen to everything. Her husband is in bits and can't face it.
Thanks for your honest post I appreciate it.

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