Ah yes, the mood swings are showing no signs of subsiding and I'm sick of all the pregnant women I see.

[OracleInaCoracle]

They are everywhere. friends are pg with "accidents", everywhere i turn i see either a pg woman or a newborn. ds wants to know why he doesnt have a baby brother or sister. and normally i can keep my rage at our situation inside, but the clomid is making me vicious. a friend of dh's (who he's not seen for a while, and is heavily pg) asked when we were going to get a move on with number 2. i replied that not everyone just has to drop their knickers. i hate myself.

[Scorps]

Don't hate yourself, you have strong hormones from clomid and have had a hard and very sad reproductive history - you are allowed these feelings you know, sweetheart.

[Lulumama]

don;t hate yourself. considering everything, you are doing amazingly well

do people know about teh clomid?

[OracleInaCoracle]

thank you. see, mood swings am feeling v tearful now. most of the time if people ask about #2 i just answer "we'll see, labour really hurts!" or " we had sex on day 13 doggy style then i raised my legs for 10 mins, if it works we'll let you know" accompanied with a wink, but im very tired now. painfully aware that we only have 1 more month of clomid left. this month i ovd from crap side again. and the next step is ivf which we cant afford without donating eggs. that means 6m of counselling before we can even go on the list. its been 4y. we moved here 1y ago and everyone said "new house, new baby" but its a lie.

lulu, only close family and v v close friends know about clomid. friends know its been tough, but have no idea how tough.

[Scorps]

you must eb very tired, emotionally from all of the strain ttc has brought. and other ignorant people placing further pressure is so unhelpful to you, wether they know or not it really does affect you.

Is IVF cheaper if you are doing it with donated eggs as opposed to donating yourself iywim? Is that an option? (or an issue?)

[OracleInaCoracle]

i think what makes it tougher is that i always wanted a large family. i had a very disjointed childhood and felt very lonely (despite having half brothers) and when we looked at adoption we were planning on adopting siblings.

[OracleInaCoracle]

scorps, its £400 if i donate my eggs, but closer to £5000 if i dont. we dont qualify for NHS ivf because we have ds, so have to go private. seeing cons in sept to discuss options.

[Scorps]

i know what you are sayiing, you do really seem to want a sibling for N and that's lovely that you want to give him what you didn't.

You are allowed to feel this stuff, its ok

[Scorps]

£5k seems obscene to me . But if you don't want to egg donate (i understand the issues you may have) then its your only ivf option.

What about ICSI?

[DarrellRivers]

Lissie, So crap
Whole world is pregnant and Tess Daly has just had her second bitch lucky cow
She was obviously pregnant around the time of my second mc

[Scorps]

Lissie im off now, but keep your chin up, please.

[OracleInaCoracle]

thanks scorps, unfortunately icsi is even more expensive (iirc) tbh i have no probs with the donating. its the waiting! im a great candidate for it too, have responded v well to clomid. just on wrong side.

[DarrellRivers]

And passes some chocolate back
DH has said enough is enough,
I can (very slightly) see his point {but am a little black inside]
Am trying to buy as many expensive things as possible, and distract myself (sort of works]
It is just so beyond our control

[OracleInaCoracle]

ikwym. my gp suggested about 6m ago that we give up. she was very nice about it but made it clear that she thinks ive had enough physically and mentally. but if i give up then all this has been for nothing. i will have risked my life and my sanity for nothing. and let down all of our beanies.

[OracleInaCoracle]

and dh was supposed to be home at 7 so i havent even had dinner or opened the bottle of wine.

[DarrellRivers]

Sorry i didn't answer sooner, we had dash out
Hope your evening got a little better, and you are in my thoughts
Que sera,sera and all the rest

[Lulumama]

darell, so sorry to hear of your miscarriages too.

it is a hellish rollercoaster to be on, i imagine.

[DarrellRivers]

Thanks lulu,
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
and lissie, bl*dy Zoe Ball is also up the duff

[chevre]

lissie, i do think you should stop.
don't hate me.
dh and i have been 'at it' for 4 years too. had 2 mc, been on ads. dh had a bad health scare lately and i took it as a wake up call to get my life back. i really wish i could get teh last 4 years back.
good luck.

[Yorky]

HI lissie, not stalking you, just saw you on recent threads. ttc is soul destroying, bf has had no luck and they started trying the same time we did for DS
Clomid does horrible things to moods, I hope you had a good evening

[skidoodle]

Don't hate yourself - that was a pretty good answer, even if delivered with more venom than you wanted

Sorry you're having such a shit time

[OracleInaCoracle]

thanks all, am feeling a tiny beit better today, although went to watch bf do race for life and the field was practically thronging with duffed up women. started crying.

[gothicmama]

lissie you ok hun, call me adn chat if you like take care and see you soon

[OracleInaCoracle]

thanks GM, Im just really struggling. mood swings are vile. i feel so sorry for dh.

[gothicmama]

deep breathes all round then, dh is glad I'm off that rollercoaster,

[OracleInaCoracle]

lol, told dh that if the clomid doesnt work ivf is next step. even worse mood swings!!