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may i ask, how do you know if you really want children?

(15 Posts)
SillyDaisy Sat 04-Jul-09 21:16:36

hope you don't me asking in here.

just i figured you might
be able to help.

basically i have a 2 year old and i'm not sure if i want another baby or not.

i worry that if i should know that i want one.
but then i wonder if i'm just not ready
then i worry what if i wait for years then either i can't have another or the large gap will make life harder.

but then i think of people with large families and they have huge gaps from the eldest to the youngest.

any i'm just rambling really, just wondered what your thoughts are.

thisisyesterday Sat 04-Jul-09 21:22:38

i think that when you're ready you know.

we ummed and ahhed for ages over number 2. going from one child to two is the hardest I think.
i went through periods of really wanting another child, but dp wasn't so keen and then i'd go off the idea as well lol
but when the time came I just KNEW that it was right. and all the things that had worried me about it before just seemed insignificant and all the good things about having antoher child just seemed so important.

i have a 2.9 yr gap between my first 2 and tbh it wasn't great.
have a 19m gap between the second 2 and ds2 adores ds3.

but so does ds1 who is now 4.5

so, what I am saying is that you don';t know what age gap will work until you have children.
for ds1 he clearly needed a larger age gap to fgeel comfortable with a sibling.
ds2 is fine whatever lol

Gmac2009 Sat 04-Jul-09 21:24:48

Tough call Silly Daisy

My DS is 2 and my DD is 10wks. I have never been broody, that's my DH's job but now they're here I wouldn't have my life without them.

I never felt ready for kids but always knew I wanted them, if that makes any sense.

I'm not sure if that helps you at all.

Can you try to imagine yourself in 30years and whether or not you'd regret not having another?

SillyDaisy Sat 04-Jul-09 21:26:47

thankyou for such a thoughtful reply.

would you say, i just don't sound ready?

funny enough i always got on better with my eldest sibling whos 7 years older then me and even now we are the closest, so i should know from my own experience some times it just depends on the people rather than the all importaant gap.

SillyDaisy Sat 04-Jul-09 21:28:32

i've tried to imagine in 30 years, and i think i feel that both options, ie having one or more than one,both have pros and cons.

mumblecrumble Sat 04-Jul-09 21:33:53

Woah SIlly daisy! You sound just like me. Don';t htink I;.m ready. When we tried for dd I was DESPERATE!!!!!! such a deep urge to have a baby/. Now I feel..... nothing except I can;t be arse with all the pregnance and birth stuff just yet.

Mnay of our friends our on their number twos...
[babies. not poohs]

SillyDaisy Sat 04-Jul-09 21:38:32

mumble, nice to talk to someone the same smile

how old is your dd?

i was exactley the same when i wanted my dd, the one thing i wanted more than anything in the world was a baby.

and now i have my beloved dd, just don't feel that strongly anymore.
and that worries me and makes me wonder if i do want another

i am the same, most of my friends are on number2 and naturally asking me.

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding Sat 04-Jul-09 21:50:27

I would say that,for a second,if you're really not sure then maybe you don't want another/are not ready right now.

The thing is,you know what you're letting yourself in for (!) and tbh you sound more like maybe you should want another rather than you actually feel like you do.

I can only talk from experience but I have 1 ds (17mo). I hated being pg,had em cs,borderline pnd and struggled sooo much at the beginning - I felt I could NEVER do that again.

But as my ds got older,something happened in my brain (!) and when he was about 1 we decided we wanted another. I got pg quickly and initially was v v scared I'd made a stupid decision.however after the initial shock both me and dp felt it seemed completely right.

I lost that pg (mmc picked up at 12 week scan) and it broke my heart.I absolutely know I want another,and age gaps are less relevant now.

Sorry that was a ramble.all I think is if you are nit sure you don't have to rush.

In a year or so you may feel differently,or you may not!just don't feel like you 'have' to do something you're not sure about or you 'should' feel something you don't.

SillyDaisy Sat 04-Jul-09 22:35:20

thanks for taking the time to post your ideas nolonger.

funny thing is, dd has been quite an easy baby/child.
sleeping well from an early age etc and i haven't really found it too difficult, i've been very lucky as i don't suffer from depression or anything.
but i think i got quite an easy one.

so perhaps i feel like i don't really know what it could be like, as so many people say to me you don;t know your born with your dd.

if you have another you can't get that lucky twice etc.

so i suppose i fear a colicky non sleeper, like some of my friends have had/got.
iyswim.

i will take the advice not to rush and se how i feel in aa year

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding Sat 04-Jul-09 22:45:00

Yeah maybe my decision was made easier (in some weird way) by the fact that ds was not/is not the easiest baby but I'm still surviving!

(don't get me wrong,he's totally ace,loads of fun and an incredibly good talker for his age <<boasting mummy emoticon>> but he's always been a bit if a crap sleeper,and a bit...umm..manic!)

I think it's good to just give yourself the space to decide what you want to do. It's weird how much pressure we put on ourselves with this stuff isn't it??

In the meantime,enjoy your lovely chilled out daughter!

Meanbeansmum Sat 04-Jul-09 23:13:31

You will know, an overwhelming broodiness comes over me. I have had 3 year age gapsand it was great for me, I'd love that again (but it's all I know I don't know if it's easier with a smaller or larger age gap).

Other factors come into it, finances, space, work etc. You have to weigh it all up and if you still want a baby despite all the odds then everything will readjust and work out ok.xxx

Good luck with whatever you decide.xxx

PacificDogwood Sat 04-Jul-09 23:18:07

I have never been broody, not for a baby, anyway, like some women are. I did want children and always wanted more than one, not for me, but because I quite strongly feel that children need other children to grow up with. There is a certain kind of fun that children only have with each other, IYKWIM. This is not at all a dig at those who chose to have one child, just my own personal opinion. I have always felt like this, even before I ever planned any kids. Frankly, I do not particularly like the baby stage and just have to kind of get though it... Having said that, DS3 is now 15 months old, he is great fun and my AF is 2 days late...grin

jemart Sat 04-Jul-09 23:33:45

I did not feel broody about first baby, she wasn't very well planned but did really really want the second and third.
Seeing other peoples babies makes you remember how lovely they are and then you want another one.

mumblecrumble Sun 05-Jul-09 00:50:29

Hi,

DD is 2 and is the best thing ever! In a way, I think I feel we've just got money, work, routine etc how we live all sorted - and that I feel a bit 'don;t rock the boat' ish....

SillyDaisy Sun 05-Jul-09 15:31:16

thanks for the replies.
i will take your good advice and see how i feel in time.
2 of my friends are having babies this summer so i'll see if that does anything to me!

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