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Would you go for fertility treatment? Experiences and opinions welcomed

(3 Posts)
musicposy Sun 14-Jun-09 23:00:58

A post on the "unreasonable section has jogged me into getting some opinions on here.

First, a bit of background. DD1 is 13 and DD2 is nearly 10. I fell pregnant with DD1 absolutely immediately and with DD2 after about 4 months of TTC. When DD2 got to about 2 and a half, we decided to try for number 3 (we always wanted 4)Nothing happened. We went for IUI on the NHS which was fairly useless, I felt, to no result, and the consultant at the final interview was really horrible to me as I already had children. No reason was found except a slightly low sperm count. That was 4 years ago and it has taken me a long time to get back on my feet emotionally.

Now I am 42 and am still eaten up with the thought that I won't have another. Part of me feels cross, too, that I've spent all these years worrying about having another instead of enjoying the family I have (although I do adore my girls and count myself very lucky). I don't know if that makes sense.

Anyhow, we have discussed going for private fertility treatment. I know because of my age, I need to get on and make a decision.

For it is that hubby is very keen (although openly admits he really wants a boy), and that I feel able and ready to go through with it (knowing some of what is involved), both physically and emotionally.

Against it is that we would have to remortgage the house. Also against it is that DD2 hates the idea of a younger sibling, so much that she has said she will leave home (!) go anywhere else but here, and never forgive me if I have another (fairly strong stuff, but I believe her, my younger sister was only a bit younger than DD2 when our younger brother was born,and she still maintains it ruined her life).

So, do I put myself in debt for a baby that has only a small chance of happening and if it does, risks me losing the relationship with the child I already have, OR do I not bother and spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been?

Anyone who has been through similar, I would be so grateful for your experiences.

PussyGalour Sun 14-Jun-09 23:13:35

On the one hand it's your life, your DD will have her own family/babies one day and will get to choose how many she has so this one is yours to decide not hers.
However the debt thing would worry me, as would the boy thing.
It could also be twins, triplets, have special needs, health issues all of which could potentially ruin life as you know it, oh and you've added another £6k at least to the family debt.
Plus 3 is an akward number, the whole world is geared to 2 adults and 2 children, it just is.
Not an easy decision at all.

musicposy Mon 15-Jun-09 11:06:17

Thanks for your reply. I know that 3 can be awkward; I was the eldest of 3 under very similar circumstances. It was fine for me but not so good for younger bro and sis who hated each other with a passion (and are still not terribly keen). Mum would have liked 4, but age got in the way, too.

I think I would have to make sure that OH would be happy with a girl as that worries me too. I would be absolutely delighted with another girl, but he was disappointed at first even with DD2 - something that made me very cross at the time. He soon got over it and was quickly very close to her, but there's no point going through it all if at the end he's just disappointed at not having the son he wants. Certainly something for us to talk about.

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