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'recession baby'?? am i mad to be considering baby number 3 ... a bit complicated...

(17 Posts)
schmu Fri 05-Jun-09 15:50:17

a bit of background...

dh and i have been together since we were 18. am now nearly 37. we have dds aged 7 and nearly 6.

last summer we were considering baby number 3 but by the autumn we had started to struggle financially due to dh's business having recession related difficulties.

we also went through a pretty horrendous patch in our marriage largely due to dh feeling low about failure of business and withdrawing from me emotionally as a result. anyway, we've had some counselling and things have been much better for a good 3 months now.

our financial worries are still ongoing. we do have an income, but it is not enough to pay our huge mortgage, so we will v likely have to move within a year.

in the last few weeks, i have been feeling very broody. i realise that we're not in the ideal position for having a new baby, but i feel that i could really regret it long term if the recession was my reason for not having baby number 3. (i'm not young enough to wait for it to end, lol!) i feel really close to dh again and feel that it would do us good to have joyful event to look forward to.

am also a bit concerned about the age gap- i'd have dcs aged 8, 6 and a new born. would it be too much of a shock to the system, i wonder. would the older ones feel pushed out...

sorry, a bit rambling, but need to vent.

any advice?

tia

schmu Fri 05-Jun-09 16:00:29

anyone?

thisisyesterday Fri 05-Jun-09 16:03:42

personally I would wait. the last thing you need with having to up and move house is a newr baby threown into the works.

so I would wait until you have moved. then re-assess.

you're not that old anyway, you have time to wait 6 months or a year.
as for the age gap, i wouldn't give it a second thought

TheNatty Fri 05-Jun-09 16:06:20

i am having num 3.. and no we cant really afford it.

if you are willing to make scarifices then go for it.

all three kids will be sharing a room as we cannot afford to move, however we have given up our bedroom and moved into the smallest room (therefore giving the kids the biggest)

we have also planned to skip holidays for a few years, we are using cloth nappies and i am breast feeding. we are using second hand clothes from friends and internet, baby is sleeping in my youngests old cot (sanded and repainted!)

a baby can cost you nothing for the first year as they dont need much, and by then you will perhaps be more settled??

its up to you, if you can be prepared to loose luxuries for the sake of that last baby, go for it!

(tho ur DH may need ALOT of convincing, took me 6 months of pleading!!)

schmu Fri 05-Jun-09 16:07:18

thanks for the advice. i can see that waiting sounds sensible, but i dont want the age gap to be bigger than it is already. if i wait a year before conceiving then the dds would be nearly 7 and 9...

schmu Fri 05-Jun-09 16:09:30

thenatty, its not really the day to day cost of a baby that worries me. my loss of earnings is more of an issue.

TheNatty Fri 05-Jun-09 16:11:04

dont wait!
babies are easily transportable, they dont care if you move home!

i moved house on the day my daughter arrived (wasnt planned that way but hey she arrived a week early!!)
we coped, you will too.

also at 37 it might TAKE a year to fall...

TheNatty Fri 05-Jun-09 16:12:10

ah you didnt say you worked (unless i missed that bit)

well i can see why you would be worried at the loss of an income.

schmu Fri 05-Jun-09 16:16:21

natty, my dds were both conceived within first month of trying, so w need to be sure we want it before getting careless!

yes, sorry, didnt mention my job. come september i'll be earning 18K p/t, but, would go back after mat leave, as i have with dds, so we're talking a few months unpaid, i guess.

TheNatty Fri 05-Jun-09 16:23:09

can you build up some savings over the 9 months and use that?

either that or move sooner rather then later (easier said then done with current climate i know)

schmu Fri 05-Jun-09 16:27:39

natty, dh doesnt want to move unless we absolutely have to. he wants to see if business picks up over nxt few months. we have no spare cash at all and cant afford current mortgage. tis a bit mad considering it really.

the thing is, we should be ok financially if it wasnt for this bl**dy house! (when we bought it dh was earning well...)

TheNatty Fri 05-Jun-09 16:31:35

then perhaps u are right you should wait.
its an easy decision for me, we rent and im a SAHM.
so me having another one dosnt cost us much.

how about going full time? is that an option?
save for a a few years go back to part time after having the baby?

tobago04 Fri 12-Jun-09 19:56:23

Hi schmu and everyone,just started trying for number 3,probabley in the same boat as you money wise but just think that if in a few years we are better off we would'nt beable to go back in time and have number three so we are just going to go for it,will just have to make cut backs,even thought if we are lucky enough to have no.3 i'd breastfeed to save money even though i did'nt with my other 2,good luck

tribpot Fri 12-Jun-09 20:05:22

One of the guys in my team has a similar age gap for his third - I don't think he regrets it although they do often forget stuff like "you can't leave the advent calendars out because dc3 will just chomp through all of his whilst dc1 and 2 are old enough to know not to" (stuff that's second nature to me with only one dc of a similar age to his third).

Of course I genuinely hope you will conceive quickly if that's what you decide you want to do, but fertility at 37 is not fertility at 32, I wouldn't assume for sure you have years to play with to make this decision. A caveat: I'm 37 and have been struggling for years to conceive number 2 despite falling in the first month with dc1.

Best of luck whatever decision you make, I think you know in your heart what you want to do.

MarmMummy Fri 12-Jun-09 20:10:11

We are in similar situation.We don't have the age gap concern as mine are nearly 3 and just 1, but we do have my age to consider as I will be 39 later this year shock

I want to try for no 3, but it doesn't seem to fit in financially......

Someone said to me that you 'never regret the babies you have, only the ones you don't'.

What I can't work out is if I will always feel broody.... or if no. 3 would make me feel complete. Do you know how you feel about this?

What kind of a mortgage do you have? We converted our repayment one to an interest only one and its made a vast difference. Can't do it forever, but will go back to full time work when DC are a bit older and switch back then.

Heated Fri 12-Jun-09 20:27:25

Similar - fell pg with my two immediately - they would be 4 & 6 if number 3 conceived as quickly, but I will be the wrong side of 35.

Yes:
-I'm broody
-it's a child we want, not just a cute baby
-you 'never regret the babies you have, only the ones you don't' (MarmMummy)
-have convinced self we can squeeze them into existing cars without need for expensive upgrade
-have all the baby things
-3rd would complete us
-we've picked the names!

No:
-4 more years of being p/t = just about ok financially - as long as don't have to replace anything BIG
-want to replace something BIG - leaky guttering/conservatory & eventually one of the cars
-financially things would be v tight when on mat leave

The time for making the decision is almost nigh - would feel very sad if we don't vs would feel shock if we did. Had no such doubts with no 2, it was just a given. Why is having 3 more tricky?

schmu Mon 15-Jun-09 11:35:40

thanks so much all, for you different perspectives.

tbh, i must admit to being a bit complacent as far as TTC is concerned. i need to accept that things may not be that easy.

you know, now is not the right time for us in so many ways, but we havent got time to wiat for the right time, IYSWIM.

i havent even talked about it with dh, which i'm blush to admit, although we had bounced the idea of baby no 3 around last summer, and he seemed ok with it. alot has changed since then.

the crazy thing is that we should be able to afford a baby. our finacial difficulties are largely due to hanging on to this house (mortgage nearly 2k a month). its dh's dream house. i know that long term if his house comes before our last chance for another baby, i could really resent it later.

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