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TTC for No 2 Why does it take so much longer than with No 1? Anyone else with that problem?

(24 Posts)
ForeignMama Sat 16-May-09 17:06:07

I conceived my first child within six month of trying. Now we're trying for a no. 2 and nothing seems to happen. It's been about 2 years. NOTHING. I don't understand it. Did I suddenly become unfertile or my husband or is it just what they call a mental blockage.
I just can't stop thinking about having another baby. Even if I try to get busy with something else. It's still in my head. It's driving me crazy. Anyone else here that had to wait a long time before they had a second baby?

LilianGish Sat 16-May-09 17:34:14

How old are you?

lizziemorgan Mon 18-May-09 12:19:40

Yes, J was conceived within no time and then we have been trying more or less (husband in army!) for 3 years. Had miscarriage after 2 years but then nothing else. Have tried one round of IVF and now going to try a frozen cycle. Not sure whether to relax and have a drink sometimes and find myself worried about everything I put in my mouth!! It is driving me crazy too because the thoughts are there all the time. J is 5 now and I can't bear the thought of only having 1 and of her being an only child. Am trying not to pin hopes on IVF because too sad when doesn't work.

lucygrif Mon 18-May-09 12:47:58

Hi - I am nearly 30 and I had my 1st 11 years ago with a previous partner. Been with my current partner for last 8 years, TTC for 6 years now. Had ectopic 4 years ago but nothing else. Am now on Clomifene but no joy yet and just had negative test result so feeling down. Perhaps you could speak to your GP and get a referral to check you are ovulating properly and have your partner do a semen sample. We did that and it came back "unexplained infertility" but I suspect that is because the NHS can't afford to perform thorough tests. wink

Ailz Tue 19-May-09 23:07:31

ForeignMama, just to let you know that you are not alone. there are thousands of us out there. I am 31 and have 3 year old dd and have been trying for another for close to 2 years if i count! no explanantion so far. tried clomid for 4 rounds and it didnt work. gave up as i just knew it wouldnt. I ovulate and have a regular cycle. dh sperm just fine. have had loads of scans and they are fine, eggs fine, uterus fine. there is just no explanation. Had HSG (x-ray and sort of lap and dye) and waiting for results now. but just to let you know that you are not alone. but you are young, definitely a plus.

lucygrif Wed 20-May-09 09:16:12

hey ailz how are you getting all these additional tests? is it the postcode lottery or have you gone private?? i have just been bunged some clomid and told to come back every 3 months. last lot now and they reckon my only option is IVF!!!

wasabipeanut Wed 20-May-09 15:21:54

Yep, another one here. 20mo Ds was concieved on honeymoon a month before we were going to "start trying properly."

Been ttc number 2 since he was 11mo which was last August. Got a BFP last Decemeber but that ended in mmc at 10 weeks late January. Been trying ever since then to no avail. Seemned to take about 3 months for my cycles to get back to normal. So much time lost its so frustrating.

I have decided that if no luck on my current cycle or next then I am going to the GP. That will be 6 months since mc and I am 36.

flintski Wed 20-May-09 19:24:21

Another one here - Have a dd who is 4 - been TTC #2 for about 16 months with no joy. Have had basic tests which came back all fine. Need to revist GP but am also trying to move on from it too (easier said than done and is currently involving relocating which might seem a little drastic!)

Good luck and hope we are all successful soon.

Ailz Wed 20-May-09 21:11:31

hi guys, yes this just confirms what I said about there being thousands of us. It makes me vicious (in my head) when someone says they are pregnant with their second child, even celebs. but then i think 'well of course you are pregnant again, it is totally normal and natural!' but it doesnt help how i feel.
Lucygrif in answer to your question, yes i am going private. I could not possibly have the patience for anything else. and yes the cost is horrendous. the clomid thing is a joke, sorry everyone who is on it. it is a miracle drug for the people that NEED it. ie. those who do not ovulate. but the rest of us need investigations, not drugs. but i fear the gynaes are not reading our thread!

ForeignMama Sun 05-Jul-09 03:09:56

Well, at least I'm not alone, thank you guys.
I'm 23. And I also can't bear the thought of only having one child, as Lizzie mentioned.
I'm waiting like every month, "Am I pregnant now?" and then of course I have a period and the big disappointment comes . Last month I was late on my period, so that made it even worse.
All you that are still TTC without any results, I wish you lots of baby dust!!!!!

growingup Sun 05-Jul-09 07:15:48

Message withdrawn

RetroMum1 Sun 05-Jul-09 20:14:56

Hi All

I am having the same problem, concieved DD very easily. Had 1 MMC after first minth of trying then one period after and then concieved DD.

Now been trying for ages and all my friends are falling pregnant around me. It is driving me crazy and I like you Ailz am green with envy at anyone who is pregnant which is totally irrational and upsetting.

I am also so upset every time my AF arrives and go into some somber wreck. I feel awful about this as it isn't fair on DD as we don't leave the house that day.

I am so grateful for DD and everyday she brings me joy but it still doesn't help the fact that I want another DC and I want one NOW!!!.

PictureThis Mon 06-Jul-09 14:23:22

I understand how you feel. We've been trying for #2 for 19months now. Conceived DD after 6 months so didn't anticipate a problem this time round. Sometimes it isn't all consuming but in this last week 3 of my friends have announced they are pregnant and am ashamed to say that I feel so envious of them. I'm not ovulating and feel such a failure. I work with a fertility specialist who has told me to lose weight and my cycles will return to normal but I am only 8 lbs heavier than I was when I conceived DD. I'm taking her advice but still no success. I can't help feeling a little alone and adrift in all of this.

ForeignMama Fri 18-Sep-09 17:17:39

Hey Ladies,

In the meantime I did some research on my own. And decided the only thing I can come up with is hormonal imbalance, my husband noticed I have alot more pms now than before I was pregnant with my first and only child.
I don't believe in chemical treatments so I looked into homeopathy.
I found out that Evening Primrose Oil is good for hormones and other things amongst that, so I started that today and will be taking it from CD 1 till CD 15 then from CD 16 till my period I'll take Flaxseed Oil.
That's my last hope and idea.
According to some other people it should work. I SURE HOPE SO. I'll let you know what happens.

ForeignMama Fri 18-Sep-09 17:27:05

OH something else I found, for all those that have unexplained infertility, have your thyroid checked, that often is overlooked as far as I read, but it can interfere with fertility.

lovechoc Fri 18-Sep-09 19:01:36

I have the same problem so can emphathise with others on here. I haven't met up with other mums who have went on to have their second child yet, because I just can't face them. It's too much for me. Some of them now have second child who is around 6 months old now. I find it too difficult even just thinking about it.

Have been trying for well over a year properly (actively) and still nothing. Every month I think 'oh this is it!!' but no, AF arrives usually later than the month before, or earlier sometimes. Am 27. DS 2 and a half.

Seriously fed up, big time. When is it going to happen.

AcrylicAfternoons Fri 18-Sep-09 21:29:17

Just out of curiousity - how many of you had a C section with your first child?

lovechoc Fri 18-Sep-09 22:06:51

vag birth for me - not sure what that's got to do with it though acrylicafternoons??

lovechoc Fri 18-Sep-09 22:09:20

oops forgot to add that I have underactive thyroid, so am aware myself that may have something to do with how long it's taking.

I suppose on a plus side, we don't have to panic about contraception where many couples do have that to worry about. It could be worse for all of us on this thread! Trying my best to see positives in all of this, but some days it's bloody hard

corblimeymadam Fri 18-Sep-09 22:11:38

Message withdrawn

lovechoc Fri 18-Sep-09 22:18:24

thanks belgianbun - just feel like I'm the only one who has an only child ANYWHERE that I go. It's terrible to think that way, and it's probably not the case (irrational thinking) but just feels that way and I'm very conscious of it all of the time.

sorry for thread hi-jack blush

lovechoc Sat 19-Sep-09 10:51:16

just been thinking, is there something that we lot are not doing, where others are and going on to have their second or third child???

wish there were answers....

Littlemissmischief Sat 19-Sep-09 23:32:07

Hi ladies, glad I found this thread as you are all sounding exactly the same as me.

Fell pg with DS after 4 weeks with new bf after being told it might be difficult to concieve! We stupidly then thought well it will happen the same again and even planned the month to get pg... 2 years on and we are still trying! DP has been tested and is fine but it seems im not ovulating so am starting Clomid tomorrow (fingers crossed it does the trick) Seems like DS was a true little miracle!

Does anyone else feel guilty for moaning though? I always feel bad because I know how lucky I am to have one child when there are thousands of people wishing for the same, I feel greedy. But in a ay it puts on more pressure I hink cos DS says he wants a brother/sister and I dont want a big age gap, and of course you get the line 'you've done it once so you can do it again' line from all the doctors!

I spoke to my friend who is a midwife, and she said it does have a name, secondary ifertility and it is very common. Ie looked it up since then and she was right, before that I didnt even know that term existed.

Lots of BabyDust to everyone ****************************************

Gillanne Sun 20-Sep-09 22:49:48

Hi, ladies - I stumbled upon your thread and I just wanted to say please don't give up hope. After 3 years of ttc no 2, lots of heartbreak as everyone seemed to have no 2 and 3 with ease. we've had all the medical tests and there was no reason why it hadn't happpened - In June we decided to go down the ivf route and about to start ... just got my BFP at the last throw of the dice... All we did differently was chill out and upped my intake of vitamin B6. V early days but even getting to a BFP feels like a major step forward. don't give up hope. G.

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