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Oh help me.........I dont know what to do??

(11 Posts)
AngelCakeUmm Sat 23-Apr-05 20:40:38

Ok i am having a chrisist. I dont know if i want another baby or not. I know i want 2 kids in life and i already have a ds who is 2.7 BUT and thats a big but i dont know if i should take the plunge and go for it now or not.

I am in 2 minds i have sort of been "trying" but when af arrives i am in ixed emotions 1 being relief and the other being .

So i am 23 have 1 ds of 2.7 in a very stable relationship......money is ok but not fantastic we do have a 3 bedroom house so i have a spare room empty and i suppose "waiting" ......but i also feel a bit scared!

What should i do.....?
Get the 2nd baby out the way and with about a 3 1/2 yr age gap or wait a bit longer ?

What would you do?

TIA

lockets Sat 23-Apr-05 20:43:55

Message withdrawn

KBear Sat 23-Apr-05 20:47:55

Tough decision only you can make BUT I wasn't going to have another one, fate had other plans, and now I thank God everyday (and I'm not even religious )for the darling child I was too scared about having!!

Weird ramblings or perfect sense, can't decide....

AngelCakeUmm Sat 23-Apr-05 20:49:42

Thanks Lockets.

I know i desperatly want another but i just have a strange feeling inside ...... its like i am in 2 minds my heart is saying yes and my mind is saying no!

I was pregs in october last yr and i was extremley excited but also had a scared feeling then i miscarried in november maybe this is still affecting me ??

AngelCakeUmm Sat 23-Apr-05 20:52:26

I suppose as i have struggled a little with my ds and his behaviour lately i am a bit scared about how i would cope and maybe how he would respond to another "baby" in the house, as he has always been centre of attentiona and always been mummy & daddy's "baby"

KBear Sat 23-Apr-05 20:58:12

but you would have nine months to get him used to the idea of a new baby and he would love him/her by the time he/she is born. I read lots of new baby stories to my DD when I was expecting DS. She was 2. We did lots of role playing too about the new baby and talked about him all the time and let her choose names etc etc. Might not work but probably will!

AngelCakeUmm Sat 23-Apr-05 21:01:45

Thankyou Kbear they are very good ideas. I was also thinking i would have 9 months to get him used to it and would obvioulsy never let hi get left out as he is my baby.

Hmmmm maybe i should take the attitude as if it happens it happens if not dont threat.

Every month we have tried it has not happened anyway....so maybe if i take this attitude it might well happen and then theres no turning back.

redsky Sat 23-Apr-05 21:08:13

I couldn't decide about whether to have a second. We had difficulty conceiving the first and I thought I was so lucky to have him that I convinced myself our family was complete. DH did want a second. Then guess what - we conceived pretty quickly (within 4 months). It came as a bit of a shock to me - and she had to work hard to win my affections, but WOW is she worth it now!!!

KBear Sat 23-Apr-05 21:10:22

yes I think that if you're stressing about it, it might prevent it happening, or so they say.

When I was pregnant with DS I couldn't imagine loving another child, my world revolved round DD who was my joy and delight. Well, once we'd got over the shock of "it" being a boy I fell in love with him in an instant and he's the best thing that happened to the three of us! They get on really well, DD is so kind to him and he loves it when she shows him how to do stuff and reads to him. Makes me cry really, so sweet (long may it last). They are 6 and 3 now.

You won't regret it having another one that's for sure but you will have a great life with just the three of you if that's what is meant to be.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

AngelCakeUmm Sat 23-Apr-05 21:16:49

Thanks Redsky its great to hear reassuring stories. It had only taken us 3 months to conceieve ds and as he was our first i was over the moon and it has been the best and most wonderful experience of my life.... and also very challenging i may add
I know i will love and adore another baby just like i do my ds but i feel anxious at times. I just dont want to have my children to late in life thats why i started early as i would like dp and myself to have our own space/time together when we are 40 with no baby sick and nappys lol IYKWIM

AngelCakeUmm Sat 23-Apr-05 21:24:41

Thanks Kbear i know what you mean i can see my ds being a great big brother and he will be older than he is now when another baby arrives if/and when.

I have always said i only want 2 and i still feel the same i just think i worry to much, natural i suppose.

I said i wanted another when my ds was 3 weeks old and i am glad i waited as i did not know how hard and challenging it can be at times.

My mum always told me to leave a bit of a gap as she felt if you had another baby straight away the first may be pushed out a bit due to how demanding babys are. There is only a 2 yr gap between me and my brother so i suppose she felt that way with us.

But ds has started playschool now so at least i would have a bit of an easier time IYKWIM

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