To all those who tried and tried and tried and tried...and then gave up...and then got pregnant...

[katierocket]

I've heard this so often "stop trying and you'll get pregnant", "relax and you'll get pregnant" but obviously it's a bit of a contradiction since the longer you try the more you want it (I'm currently at nearly 12 months). SO the question is.... just HOW do you "stop trying", when you want it so bad?

[bubbly1973]

katierocket...book a really expensive holiday and look forward to it?

my friend was organising her wedding when she got pregnant....and they were trying for years

another friend thought 'sod it' went to visit friend in america, drank and smoke, and when she got back home, found out that she was pregnant, and she had pcos and her and dh were trying for years

[bubbly1973]

obviously the natural way hasnt worked for me though

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[Twiglett]

are you sure there's no underlying problem? if you've tried for a year then go to GP and get tested to rule anything out - you may find that the process of confirming that there's no problem helps you 'relax' as you will be focusing on the tests a little more

(relax and it'll happen is the most annoying piece of advice isn't it?, actually 'my next-door neighbour's best friend's sister tried for 20 years and now she has 8 children is probably up there too)

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[tamum]

Just to answer the question, I know two couples who fall into this category. In one case they adopted and subsequently got pregnant, ut they had tried for 8 years prior to adopting. In another they had been accepted on to an IVF program and had one last holiday before embarking on the hormone injections, and got pregnant on that holiday. I would have thought it could easily take something major like this to fall into the category of "forgetting".

I agree with Twiglett though- could you not get some help? Poor you, kr, I do hope something works soon.

[LGJ]

I was trying for ever..........then I conceived, then I MC, then I moved house and decided to forget about it until we were out of rental and in our house.

So I ate and drank like a little piggy, went back to bed one Sunday afternoon with the papers and a bottle of wine...............and hey presto, I discovered I was PG just before I went on the first holiday, we had, had in ages.

[bubbly1973]

almost forget my dh's mother! she was told by the doctors she had a snowballs chance in hell of getting pregnant...(this was years ago) doctor also said her womb was too low and if she did ever get pregnant she wouldnt carry fullterm

so they adopted, 2 months later she got pregnant with dhs sister whose 44 now...and she went way past her due date too....stupid bloody doctor!

then she got pregnant with my dh...who was a suprise!

[leahbump]

ttc for 3 years.

heart ache etc no real problems found by the specialist and it was doing our head in!! We decided not to pursue ivf etc or further tests after knowing my tubes were ok and dh swimmers were reasonable!

Anyway we gave up and had a rest, decided to pursue adoption.
Whilst doing this I was also completing second degree distertation etc
Found out I was pg 2 days before barnados home assesment .

Fell pg real easy 2nd time!!

Adoption still close to our hearts tho and we may consider it later!

[binkybetsy]

Good grief KR I used to hate hearing those words. 10 months of trying I decided to stop everything and buy a sports car. I went looking and 2 weeks later I was pg, so maybe there is something in it.
I was also in training for a half marathon and obviously couldn't do that any longer. BUT I do think that taking a good dosage of Vitamin E helped enormously. The lady who runs our small Health shop advised me to take it proclaiming I would be pg in 3-4 months, and I was!
Maybe there's something in that too.
Oh and I know 6 women, count them 6, who bought dogs (puppies) and were pg within 2-3 months!!!

[flumps]

KR I was trying for 2 years. Me and DH had all sorts of tests. Nothing wrong at all. I spent a fortune on ovulation kits and everything. We moved house and so stopped planning everything out while we sorted house out. Hey presto - pregnant! Could not believe it. Now have dd 12 weeks old. I know how you feel. Every month seemed to last forever over the 2 yrs. But hang on in there. Good luck

[katierocket]

it's so weird isn't it, there seem to be so many stories like this. It's the difference between really giving up and pretending you're giving up IFYKWIM. I can see myself talking in over loud voice to try and fool my body "Oh yes, we've given up now, not bothered AT ALL".
I have been to docs and had hormone levels checked; they're all fine. Next step is other tests which I think checks whether tubes are blocked etc. In meantime DP is having is swimmers checked. But going to docs/having tests isn't really fogettting about it is it?
ta for the reassuring stories. I'm sure it will happen.... (well, I'm not sure but will keep saying it)

[Twiglett]

if you haven't already KR can I suggest charting for 3 months - I did it and consultant a very easily fixable hormone problem (was ovulating late) that wasn't picked up on my bloodwork - cos I was ovulating and gave me clomid and I conceived first cycle

[Moomin]

Two examples:
My mum and dad tried for 10 years and had a quite a few miscarriages. Evetually adopted me and within 9 months my mum was pg with my brother.

Dh and I had dd after trying for 3 months. We started trying for number 2 in jan 03. Sought help after a year and had all the usual tests including a lap & dye for me. All very stressful and I'm sure we were doing ourselves no favours in our approach, but after ttc for so long I can't see how you can 'relax' and forget about it. We tried to have a break from it after last summer and 2 rounds on clomid which gave me blood-filled cysts on my ovaries! By a break I mean we didn't have sex on certain days, we just tried to do it when we felt like it and I tried to stop counting the days. After 2 months of this I nearly went mad, as I had a fully expected to fall pg just because 'we weren't trying' and we didn't of course!! Anyway, by Christmas we decided to go for ivf as we didn't want to wait any more. As we were waiting for the appt to come through I was convinced I'd get pg, as I'd heard about it happening so often. When I came on I was very upset and bitter! Appt for ivf was sent through for 3rd March. Found out I was pg on 19th Feb!!

I guess if I'm honest the ONLY time in the whole 2 years that I honestly wasn't pre-occupied with it all was that month when we had an exact date for ivf, because I knew something was now going to be done to help us.

The only advice I could give is to listen to what others have said. Don't put your life on hold whilst you anticipate being pregnant at every stage in the next year. Plan life as you would if you weren't ttc - decorating, holidays, new jobs, etc. Try something to help you physically relax, as mentally I'm not sure it's truely possible. Reflexology helped me cope when I was tearing my hair out, and acupunture has been great. I'd booked it to help me through the ivf and I carried on with it when I was 1st pg.

Good luck xxxxxxx

[elliott]

I'm afraid I just don't buy it, and I ahve to say there is nothing worse to say to someone who is ttc, imo. I mean, they feel bad enough cause they can't get pg, then they start to feel bad because they care about it - what a catch 22!
There is no good evidence that 'relaxing' (whatever that is) helps you to conceive. And of course its not possible to try to put it out of your mind while pursuing treatments etc.
I never got pg naturally no matter how much I tried to 'relax'. And after my first IVF success I lost count of all the people who said ' oh you'll conceive really easily next time'...well i didn't and needed IVF again.

That's not the same as saying that of course eventually if it doesn't happen, somehow you have to come to terms with that and try to do other things with your life. But that's not something you can force, it just has to be worked through in whatever time it takes.

[katierocket]

thanks moomin. Exact same thing happened to a friend of mine. they were trying for 3 years and she got pregnant the month before she was due to start IVF. I am having acupuncture (had about 3 sessions now) so hopefully that will help. It's just such a contradiction isn't it? the whole "just forget about it" thing.

[katierocket]

thanks moomin. Exact same thing happened to a friend of mine. they were trying for 3 years and she got pregnant the month before she was due to start IVF. I am having acupuncture (had about 3 sessions now) so hopefully that will help. It's just such a contradiction isn't it? the whole "just forget about it" thing.

[katierocket]

it's so true elliott, I'm actually finding myself feeling guilty for not being able to "relax"!

[wizzywig]

phew, glad to see that its not only me who gets annopyed with people telling to relax - aaaagh!! drives me nuts!! how can anyone relax when they want a baby so bad?

[psychomum5]

I know of someone who actually tried and tried, spent a fortune on ovulation kits, then fell literally on the day her period stopped. Found out after that she is one of those rare women who ovulate during a period, and obviously most women don't like sex during periods so don't find that one out!!!!!
May not be you, but worth thinking about....especially if you are having sex during the so called 'right time' and still not falling.