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Secondary Infertility - Anyone else??

(53 Posts)
duplomania Mon 23-Feb-09 16:16:25


Does anyone want to share their story with me?
I have got a wonderful dd age 2.5 and have been trying for another one for 16 months now. Dp and I have had all the tests, diagnosis was unexplained infertility. we're having IUI now, but without success so far.
All my friends have either had their second children or are pregnant again. I want to feel happy for them but I just feel sad and isolated - and angry with myself for not having started ttc earlier.

Anyone in the same boat? I would love to chat to people who understand, dp just thinks I'm ridiculous to complain about our situation.


Wheelybug Mon 23-Feb-09 16:21:14


I had dd no problem, then conceived a second time first time but m/c. I then developed secondary infertility - and it took me 2 years to conceive again. I/DH had all the tests which showed nothing amiss and then had the option of trying clomid just to see (the consultant said she didn't think it would work as it would give me no advantage) or having a laparoscopy. Being keen to avoid the surgery I decided to try the clomid and conceived on the first cycle. I am now 37+3.

Its so heartbreaking when everyone around you is popping children out left right and centre (or so it feels). Good luck - hope you get there soon.

Wheelybug Mon 23-Feb-09 16:22:22

BTW there's a thread in conception called 'The hut of gloom' which is full of ladies taking a long time to get pregnant/ stay pregnant. You might find some comfort/company there. I know I certainly did.

Hulababy Mon 23-Feb-09 16:32:31

Yes, we have secondary infertility.

My DD is 6 (7 in April). She was a while in the planning - 15m, early mc, tnhen another 15m.

We have been TTC for over 4 years, since DD was 2 and a bit. I was 29 when I finally had DD. I am now just turned 36.

Initially, after tests, I was treated for Asherman's Syndrome - adhesions on the uterus - caused by my c section. This has now been sorted following a couple of ops in 2007, etc.

All tests for me and DH are fine and there is now no reason for us to not concieve, but still nothing. I finished 6 months of Clomid in January this year.

Nothing more my consultant can do unless we wanted to go down assisted conception route, but DH really doesn't want that for various reasons.

I know how you feel

duplomania Mon 23-Feb-09 17:21:35

Congratulations, Wheelybug! Wow 37 weeks, that's fantastic, not long to go now. Glad the Clomid worked for you. I looked for the hut of gloom but couldn't find it, maybe it's not active any more.

Hi Hulababy,
I can't begin to imagine how it feels to miscarry after 15 months of trying. it took me 8 months to get pregnant with dd, silly little me thought it would be much quicker this time because nearly all my friends got pregnant really quickly second time round. So I'm still in a bit of shock.

I think it would drive me mad if dp didn't agree to assisted conception. I'm so impatient I feel that I need to do anything I can to make this happen. also, my ovarian reserve isn't too great apparently so even though I'm only 34 I don't feel I have a lot of time left.

I really hope 2009 is going to be the year where we both get pregnant!!

Lynsy Mon 23-Feb-09 18:49:25


Just thought I would share our story with you. We decided in Ocotber 2007 we would try for our second, dd was concieved after about 6 months of trying so wasn't expecting any major problems - how silly was I to think that. We found out at the end of October that dp had a varicocele (like a varicous vein of the testicle), he under went surgery to put this right and was told this should'nt have effect our chances of getting pregnant. He was told to have a sperm test done 3 months after his op, so at beginning of march he had one done and found out that his morphology (shape of his sperm) was low only 6% and should be 15%, but the gp said this wouldn't be a problem might just take us a bit longer to concieve, gp sent me for the usual day 3 and day 21 blood tests and referred us to see a gyne (we lied to the gp and told her we had been trying for 10 months). My blood test all came back fine, so finally in July we got to see the gyne, he asked for dp to have another sprem test and recommended that I underwent a laparoscopy which I agreed to. The second of dp's sperm tests came back even worse with all factors being low - looked like that assisted conception might be the only way forward, so we decided to start the ball rolling and went to see a consultant at a private hospital in London who suggested we try 3 cycles of iui with clomid, my date for the laparoscopy had come through for the end of September and the consultant at the private hospital said to still go through with it as it was worth while and free smile. In the meantime since his last lot of sperm test results dp had decided on some lifestyle changes, no more caffine, alcohol, lost weight and took a variety of vitamins that are supposed to be good for sperm. The day of my laparoscopy arrived and my gyne was off sick but I still underwent the surgery as they weren't expecting to find anything as was all supposed to be pretty straight forward - again how wrong was I. The surgery found I have endometriosis and the consultant was unable to treat me as wasn't qualified enough, he told me it was blocking my fallapion tubes and had caused my ovaries to stick down. So at the end of October I had my first of 3 injections to put my body into a temporary menopause - this would hopefully dry it out and then would undergo another laparoscopy at the beginning of the year. Well I had my laparoscopy done 2 weeks ago and it was a success they managed to unblock my tubes, unstick my ovaries and laser all the endometriosis, and dp's last sperm test result showed all was fine with him. At my follow up appointment last week my gyne said that once my periods return (still waiting)that we have a window of about 6-8 months to try and concieve naturally, after that IVF is the only way as the endo will come back - sorry didn't mean to go on so much grin, so I am hoping to jump on board the ttc rollercoaster again asap.
I know exactly how you feel I have watched 7 of my friends get pregnant, have there babies tand they are almost 6 months now, I have another 6 friends that have since announced they are pregnant, whilst the whole time we have still be trying sad.

Heres hoping 2009 will be the year we get our long awaited BFP's

duplomania Mon 23-Feb-09 23:25:30

Hi Lynsy, sounds like you're on a real rollercoaster there with all those investigations and operations, it must have been such a frustrating time for you. But it sounds very promising with your and your husband's problems fixed. I really hope that you will get your bfp soon now.
I just find it really sad that I cannot be more happy at my friends' pregnancies, I mean what sort of friend am I? I don't mind people getting pregnant with their first, but if friends got pregnant with their second months after they started trying I just cannot help thinking why them and not me.
I went to a childrens' party recently and suddenly realised that I was the only person in the room who didn't have 2 kids or at least a second on the way and suddenly felt so excluded I just wanted to hide in a corner and cry. I was so hopeful when the dr told me we had a 50% chance of conceiving with 3 cycles of iui but now we've already had 2 failed cycles I have lost faith in it.
I really think IVF is gonna be the answer for us now.

Anyway enough moaning, I know compared to a lot of people on here I haven't been through very much yet, it just felt nice to have a good rant. I have a lovely little family so I really shouldn't be ungrateful.

ray81 Wed 25-Feb-09 10:11:32

hi guys,

Well heres my story i know how all of you feel. im 28 dh is 36 and we have a DD who is 7, we have been trying since DD was 2 so 5 yrs and have had 3mc last was in Nov and the one before that was 3 yrs ago. we have had ALL the test for the fertility side and havee been diagonised with secondary infertility, whats very frustrating is that DD was a shock and i was on the pill. we have had one cycle of IUI and that failed and decided that we wouldnt do anymore as the odds were so low and werent worth it with the cost of it. in Oct last year i took clomid and thats how i got pg on the second month of taking it but seems now that there is a problem with carrying and are now having the tests for the mcs. AF arrived yesterday and i was so hoping that this would be our month and i cried loads last night so feel realy drained today and i have a scanned booked for today as they want to see if all is ok even though i have had numerous scans and laps and nothing is wrong, but its not going to be very pleasant seeming as though i am very heavy and in pain, sorry TMI.

since we have been trying my sister who is 21 has had 3 babies, my other sister has just had a baby. 2 of my best friends have has a baby and one of them is 25 weeks with her second and fell first month even though she drinks loads and smokes loads. One of my friends from work has had 2, 4 of my cousins have had 5 between them and 3 of the mums from school have had babies and 2 are currently pg. I feel like life is throwing it in my face ALL the time and trying to break me and i am realy not sure how much longer i can go on like this.
I would like to have IVF but was made redundant in nov and having real difficulty finding another job so that just isnt going to happen at the moment. and then i just feel quilty for not being happy with just my DD as i am blessed to have her and surely i should just be happy with her.

Oh dear sorry for rambling but as you can see i realy do know how you all feel and just wish there was a solution for us all out there.

duplomania Mon 02-Mar-09 08:47:11

Hi ray,

I'm awfully sorry to hear about your miscarriages and loosing your job on top of it, you have been through so much. I suddenly feel quite bad to even be complaining about my situation.

How did your scan go, did they find anything? Are you still taking the clomid seeing as it was so successful last time? Have they checked your progesterone and put you on baby aspirin?

Please don't feel guilty, I'm sure we're all going through the same emotions. I love dd more than my life, if anything the whole story has made me appreciate her even more. And still I'm very unhappy about not having another one, to me the family just doesn't feel complete without it and I really want a silbling for her too. I think the problem with secondary infertiliy is that you are exposed to children all the time, with your friends, playgroups, childrens' birthdays...
When ttc no1 I could just go out clubbing or to the cinema etc and take my mind off it but now there's no escaping.

All the best to you, I really hope that you will have a successful pregnancy soon!

Ailz Thu 23-Apr-09 23:10:41

hi everyone,
it is amazing to hear everyone's stories. I am 31 and dh is 37 and we have a 3 year old dd and have been trying to conceive again for close to 2 years. I really thought we were the only ones struggling and once you had one child, there would be no problem with another. I did 4 rounds of clomid and did not conceive, I have been trying the natural route, taking herbs and vitamins recommended by a herbalist for the last 3 months, nothing has improved. I have some dry-pre-menstrual bleeding every month varying from 2 to 6 days long. I ovulate according to the opks and the gynae that I saw previously. my infertility is unexplained, no polyps, etc. my husband checks out too.
reading the woman's story below, really strikes my heart. it struck me at my daughter's birthday party, that i too was the only one with only one child. Everyone had at least 2 or one on the way. My sister is pregnant with her first and though i am delighted for her, I am jealous of her growing bump. but I too can forgive someone for having their first, I am fiercely angry with anyone who gets pregnant with their second! terrible i know!
I would just like to say to the woman with the 7 year old, that she should not despair, but really and truly sit down and count her blessings. this is not meant to be patronising, it really will help you. you are healthy and have a wonderful child and are living in a country where you can get help. I do this every day and it keeps me going. good luck everyone, good vibes going out to you all, i know how you feel.

Ailz Sat 25-Apr-09 23:37:19


duchesse Sat 25-Apr-09 23:47:57

Thanks for mentioning the Hut, Wheely! Sure helped me in my darkest days to have such wonderful strong women to talk to.

Our story is this- We came off contraception in June 2003 in order to try for child number 4. Since then, I have had one pregnancy that progressed beyond 4 weeks (ie not a chemical pregnancy) but went on to fail at 13 weeks and last year at 40 had given up all hope. I booked a ski holiday for February back in August, gave away all my baby clothes in September and October, and feel pregnant in November. I am now 24 weeks pregnant and so far (touch wood) everything is progressing really well. By the time this one is born, we will have been trying for a bit over 6 years.

lou33 Sat 25-Apr-09 23:53:02

i had dd1 then when she was about 3 i stopped taking the pill and after 6m still had no periods

i was referred to a gynae who thought i was having early menopause (at 29) but it was polycystic ovaries

i went on clomid but it didnt work, so i had ovarian diathermy (they take a wedge of the ovary away which for some reason can stimulate ovulation)

i was pg a month later

Sawyer64 Sat 25-Apr-09 23:57:27

Haven't got any personal experience to add except a friend of mine had DS in 2004 when I had DD1 and in 2006 started trying again.Nothing happened,so they tried IVF in 2008 and this year,with no result.sad

They decided to give up and reconcile themselves to being lucky to have at least 1 DC.

She has just announced she is 14 weeks pg!!

She gave up special diets,no alcohol,taking temps etc. etc. and nature took its course!!grin

So,so happy for her and her DH.grin grin grin

anniemac Sun 26-Apr-09 00:05:21

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louisesh Sun 26-Apr-09 10:58:07

I Too am going through this!!!

Had a MMC at 12 weeks in oct 2008 went on to have medical management of the same and pretty crap time after that bleeding etc.... for a few weeks.

I am 38 my DH 37 and soo far nothing since.Just been referred for further tests bloods and a scan for me and a sample from my husband.

Just soo down and fed up with all my due date was may 8th and had assumed i would have been pg again by now.

I see pg women and women with kids everywhere and quite often women who appear not to even want their kids around them.Its soo unfair i just want 1 child we would both be soo happy with 1.My gps ? PCOS which, looking back, i agree with soo once diagonsis proven we will gwt Clomid but at that time i ll be approaching 39.

Keep thinking i should just come round to accepting its Never going to happen .Now seeing a specialist counseller to help me get through this and back to some kind of "normality"

Suze25 Sun 26-Apr-09 11:39:00

- Louisesh I am very sorry that you had a MMC. I know that I am extremely fortunate to have 1 DC and I wish you all the best TTC.

After a year of TTC no. 2 I suspect I fall into the category of secondary infertility. I've just chased my GP regardng a hospital referral only to find that it was lost in the system when it was sent 4 months ago. I didn't chase earlier as I think part of me believed I might fall pregnant before the appointment arrived. Just like I thought it would happen by 6 months, then 9 months, then 12 months etc etc.

At 35 yrs old I suppose I'm at the beginning of the process of trying to find out if anything is wrong or if it's "unexplained" infertility.

I still feel stupid that I thought getting pegnant again would be a walk in the park ...

Sawyer64 Sun 26-Apr-09 12:45:01

Usually over the age of 35 yrs + some people don't ovulate every month,so it can often take a little longer to conceive.

If you have had 1 pregnancy,even if it didn't go to term,it usually means that it is possible to again.

I would imagine that going on to Clomid should help if ovulating regularly is the key.

As I said previously my friend had been trying after DS in 2004,and has had 2 IVF cycles.

She fell pregnant "naturally" 15 weeks ago.

Don't give up,I'm sure being as relaxed and positive as possible really does help,as many women get pregnant when they aren't calculating their cycles

I'm 44yrs,by the way.Had DS at 31, DD1 at 39yrs, and DD2 at 42yrs!

blackrock Sun 26-Apr-09 12:51:41

I have a lovely DS aged 2, and have been TTC2 since summer 2007. No apparent problems, but no pregnancy either. I have temped, and tested for ovulation. It is frustrating, and have also almost given up too, trying to relax about it and hoping it might just happen one month like others have experienced.

Goos Luck.

swanriver Sun 26-Apr-09 13:07:06

Please enjoy life with your two or three year olds, those who feel sad not to have no 2 on way. I have three friends who have such a lovely relationship with no 1, due to long unforseen gap and then really enjoyed baby 2 & even 3 who followed rapidly in some cases after longawaited no 2. In all three cases no 1 was 4 years before next lot came along!
It is so easy to feel really jealous of those with two little ones, but sometimes we "lucky" ones struggle and would give anything to have that special time with no 1...

anniemac Sun 26-Apr-09 21:47:09

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wannaBe Sun 26-Apr-09 22:01:55

yep me.

Took thirteen months to conceive ds who is now six. Went for tests after a year and was pg the next month.

Came off the pill in May 2005 and nothing happened. Went for blood/sperm tests etc in Aug 2006, and dh's sperm result came back low. He took vitamins etc but I still didn't fall pregnant.

Had decided that assisted conception wasn't for us, so resigned ourselves to just having the one child.

At the beginning of the year we had a serious discussion about going for ivf etc, but there were too many factors, the cost, the fact that it would be hard to just have one cycle if there were enough embrios for more etc that led us to think that it's just not for us.

So four years after starting I am resigned to having just the one ds.

And I am eternally grateful for the one child I have given there are so many women out there who will never even have that.

Clure Sun 26-Apr-09 22:29:26

wannabe, I agree with you that we are indeed lucky to have one child. My DD (now 4) was conceived after 2 years of trying then a cycle of clomid. I was 37 when she was born, I'd had chemotherapy as a child and so was never quite sure if I could ever conceive - she's my miracle.
However we would love a brother or sister for her and are currently trying (in vain) This time my hormone levels indicated possible early meno. I have been waiting for a period since January and have the clomid ready and waiting to take. 2 weeks ago I was prescribed provera (progesterone) to bring on a period so I can begin clomid. Still no period.
My sympathies to all who are playing this waiting game, its tough!

anniemac Sun 26-Apr-09 22:37:02

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Clure Sun 26-Apr-09 22:51:37

i'm with you all the way on that one anniemac

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