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If it took you ages TTC...

(14 Posts)
willitbeahappynewyear Fri 09-Jan-09 18:31:48

...does it make you sick when people "brag" about how little time it took them and how they got pregnant " by accident".

FruitynNutty Fri 09-Jan-09 18:33:58

Yes, fuming.
"Oh I'm just so fertile"
"I only have to look at one to fall pregnant"
and this is from people who know we've had trouble - so insensitive angry

willitbeahappynewyear Fri 09-Jan-09 18:35:52

Its heartbreaking,month after month, getting nowhere, feeling like a failure. sad

FruitynNutty Fri 09-Jan-09 18:42:15

How long has it been?

willitbeahappynewyear Fri 09-Jan-09 18:46:49

I got there in the end but it took 5 years. Just been on another thread and felt annoyed by people telling me about their unplanned pregnancies and how contraception isnt 100pc effective! angry

wannaBe Fri 09-Jan-09 18:50:00

not that so much as the "oh I'm so upset I'm not pregnant, it's just not happening" and then when you ask how long they've been ttc you get "oh 2/4/6 months." I'll be honest I have little sympathy with those and recently someone said to me "oh I don't think it'll ever happen, we've been ttc now for 5 months and it's not happening." to which I replied "try 3.5 years and then we can talk."

duchesse Fri 09-Jan-09 19:04:40

5.5 years for this one. Not there yet either (as in it isn't born, or even out of the first trimester). Only one other pregnancy in that time. I don't feel bitter about people having contraceptive disasters. They can be a tragedy in their own right in someone else's life. What's more distressing is people like my sister saying things like "maybe you just aren't meant to have another child"

memoo Fri 09-Jan-09 19:14:08

God yes!! although with my second pregnancy was an accident and my first i got pregnant first month, this time it just isn't happening sad

wannabe, are you still ttc?

Ilovebeingamummy Fri 09-Jan-09 19:39:44

I cannot imagine how heartbreaking it must be to be ttc for years and years. I have a close friend in that position (7yrs now) and I am devastated at what she goes through each month.

Nevertheless although it took me 12months after coming off the pill to conceive dd, I conceived ds within 2 cycles of stopping breastfeeding. I took for granted the ability to get pregnant and carry a healthy baby.

After ttc number 3 since august and having 2 mcs in 3 cycles I am struggling with feelings of despair and sadness about ttc.

Although it has only been 4 months of ttc, the timing of sex, the loss, the fear, the stress and anxiety about age gaps and all sorts of other things that to others may be insignificant, to us right now, even after *only 4months* is very real and very painful.

What I am trying to say is that the pain of feeling failure each month is awful from the beginning, as is the pain of a mc at any gestation.

Whilst you cannot compare a cp with a stillbirth or 4 months ttc with 4 years, for that woman, at that time, it still hurts down to the bones.

4 months or 4 years, we're in this together x

wannaBe Fri 09-Jan-09 23:31:17

duchesse oh yes my family are exactly the same.

Memoo not officially any more no. Tbh I gave up on it all quite a long time ago, but I don't use contraception (don't see much point) so deep down I do kind of hope it might happen naturally although I'm very realistic that it probably never will and have planned my life with just one ds.

We had begun to discuss the possibility of assisted conception (even though I swore I would never go down that route) towards the end of last year as I was beginning to think I might regret not doing everything in our power. However I have developed an issue with one of my eyes which might require surgery in the not too distant future and which is causing some pain (although is improved on last few weeks) so that's all been put to one side again.

Maybe it just isn't meant to be smile.

chickendippersandchips Sat 10-Jan-09 19:33:47

I was ttc for 5 years after my first DS. We had all the tests,they could find nothing wrong. I got particularly sick of people telling me to "just relax" or "go on holiday". I did eventually come to terms with it and think how lucky I was to at least have one child. Then to my surprise I became pregnant. The next surprise it was identical twins! So,wannaBe you just never know!!

alfiemama Sun 11-Jan-09 21:27:27

5 years for me also with Alfie, clomid babe, 1 month with Archie au naturalle

xxhunnyxx Sun 11-Jan-09 22:37:47

Sorry I am already pg but I just like to still keep an eye on the conception board.
But yes I know exactly what u mean - I was TTC for over a year and during that time my friend got pg by accident and still laughs about how they know exactly when she was concieved because they only had sex once that month! So annoying and I just wanted to say 'oh shut up!' but obviously I couldn't and it wouldn't have been fair for me to do that.
It also annoyed me when one of my friends said 'hmmm u have been trying to get pg for quite a while now...' I felt like she was suggesting I was baron, maybe I was just paranoid?
But unfortunately for the majority of us it does take a while sad
There's actually a 2 part bbc series called Growing Babies, the 1st episode explains the science of how babies are made, it's very interesting. U can watch it on BBC iplayer. I'd recommend watching it, we all know how babies are made but it really makes u appreciate how complicated the process is and how there's soooo many factors which have to be just right in order to successfully concieve.
Sending lots of baby dust your way xxxxxx

hester Sun 11-Jan-09 22:44:18

I got into a long sympathetic conversation with a woman at a dinner party about her terrible fertility problems, and how worried she was and thinking that IVF was the next step. Only to find out that she had been TTC for five months and had already had FIVE successful pregnancies.

I had been TTC my first for YEARS at this point, and was on the verge of giving up. I gently changed the subject. Yes, her pain may have been real to her, but I was not in the right place to indulge it.

(I conceived soon after that dinner party, though smile)

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