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what do you do when the grind of long term ttc/mc is getting you down?

(8 Posts)
tryingnottoobsess Sun 31-Aug-08 12:47:46

Had a weepy evening yesterday when I found out that another friend is pregnant (pleased for her, but it has emphasised my crappy situation)....

So I'd love to hear what others do when it is all just too overwhelming...

The bad moments come and go... I reckon I feel weepy about once a week or so at the moment... which is manageable without anti depressants or anything like that, but still a pain in the ass. I just suspect that others might be in a similar situation, and have developed ways of dealing with it.

I'm quite good at distracting myself, with work, TV, reading or whatever, but then when the distraction stops, I still feel rubbish.

My counsellor says it's good to let it all out... but I'm really not sure. I spent a good hour crying last night (alone, I hate crying in front of people), in the spirit of 'letting it all out' and I still felt awful at the end of it!

Any ideas would be welcome.... I'm SO frustrated with this whole thing, and fed up with feeling crap.

hurryhurry Sun 31-Aug-08 15:33:53

Hi Trying ... I'm so sorry you're feeling low. I'm afraid I don't have any tactics for coping apart from having a good old cry until you're ready to face people again. I break my heart sobbing at least once a week these days (been trying for #1 for around a year now and feel like I'm running out of time). I'm also living in fear of my sis-in-law announcing her 2nd pg any day now ... I hate feeling this way but can't help it.

I have found that it helps to share with DH ... however, I don't think many guys get the whole feeling-crap-because-someone else-is-pregnant-thing. That's were MN helps I suppose ... knowing you're not alone even though you can't help but feel that way at times.

The only other thing I do is avoid the baby/child sections in shops (especially IKEA - it's the worst) and keep a wide berth of Mothercare etc ... sad but true.

Not sure any of this helps ... let's hope we get our BFPs soon! smile

Bucky2008 Sun 31-Aug-08 17:20:40

I too have no 'life changing tactics' to share I am afraid. But as Hurryhurry says, you are not alone sad. After two and a half years my tactics are somewhat warped, as I have basically thrown myself into my old life once more. By this I mean, I don't modify my behaviour after ov anymore. I am also slowly turning into a mad woman who treats her dogs like children shock so perhaps am not best placed to give advice wink.

Feel free to join us in the WIMBEWAI(N)F thread here...Where Is My Baby Exactly When All Is (Not) Fine? There are a few of us in the same boat as you over there so we can at least sympethise and dreading the BFP's of others is becoming a bit of a qualification wink. Good luck and baby dust to you.

tryingnottoobsess Sun 31-Aug-08 19:12:53

Hi hurry and Bucky, and thanks for the replies.

Sorry you have had to develop tactics, but it is good to hear about them... crying, avoiding baby shops, behaving normally (I can't remember normal!), and puppy love! All good ideas and interesting to see how other people get through it.

Like you say, nothing takes it away completely, but anything to ease it for a while....

Oh, I'd seen that thread WIMBE... and not know what it meant till now! I'm away with work for the next few days with no net access, but will have a look when I get back, and maybe be brave enough to post.

Good luck

hurryhurry Sun 31-Aug-08 20:32:30

I'm with Bucky re my Dog. In fact, getting a puppy is to blame for making me so broody to begin with ... I just loved looking after him so much. Just like Bucky, I treat him like a child ... he gets home-made doggy treats (cheesy bones, his fave!) and is spoiled within an inch of his life. There is something very therapeutic about having a pet so if you don't have one you may want to indulge ... I read a thread here last week where one lady bought a puppy to take her mind off things and got pg that month!

Twinklemegan Sun 31-Aug-08 20:42:15

Oh dear Trying - I just wanted to express my huge sympathies. I was there for nearly 4 years and it is horrible. And it is so so hard when you find out others are pregnant - I remember it so clearly. There was light at the end of the tunnel for me, which may or may not help. My tip? Go on holiday - it sounds stupid but it worked for me and DH and I'm not being flippant. Th other thing that really helped me was getting a book about assisting conception naturally - I can't remember the author offhand but she'd on TV a lot. It was simply giving myself some control back - I think that helped my state of mind and the rest followed. This is probably no help at all, but good luck - to all of you. xx

BlueCornflower Sun 31-Aug-08 22:06:40

Hi. Can I join in? I had mmc in Jan and have been trying hard since then. Every month I try not to think about it but then I come on again and it all hits me again.

What are my strategies for coping? Being so busy I don't have time to think about it all! My feet haven't touched the ground this summer. Poor DD is exhausted! Came on again this morning though (much earlier than expected) so feel rubbish today.

And yes - there's loads of new borns around here - when I 'should' have one too... I just try and be grateful for DD (well, I am!) and if she's 'all' I have, well, then that's the way it goes and I thank God I have her.

Didn't know about that thread - will go and have a look...

ClairePO Sun 31-Aug-08 22:38:25

I never knew what the WIMBE thread meant either! I should join really.

I don't have a dog but have 3 cats (crazy old cat lady). I do spoil them and I find myself hankering after a kitten, all mine are rescue as grown cats or older kittens cats so never had a baby kitten. OH says no and I know he is right really.

When I'm down I get on and plan holidays/long weekends/ one nights away type things. I may not book them always but it is nice to take my mind off the sadness. But I find the slightest thing can set me off, I'm incredibly emotional the longer this goes on. I shop online a lot too for frivolous things.

My sad moment of the day, was in London and an emergency convoy went past, 3 police cars, one ambulance and an ambulance support vehicle. Clearly from the number of police clearly the way as an escort it was serious. And on the side of the ambulance - Children's Acute Transfer Service. I wept for that family. Like I say, I'm like some demented mad woman. It's not even PMT, I'm on CD7.

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