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Desperately want another baby but DH Doesn't!

(19 Posts)
chocciedooby Tue 26-Aug-08 14:47:21

Is anyone else in a similar situation to me?
I have been wanting a baby for about 8 months now.At first I thought that DH was in agreement to try for No.3. How wrong was I??
In April I was convinced I was pregnant but things went scew wiff and after being 5 days late I bled heavily and had all sorts of strange goings on with my cycle for the next 3 months. Since this happened DH has made it quite clear that he doesn't want another dc.

Now I am back to my normal 28 day cycle and I have managed to work out my ovulation day I so desperately want another baby to cpmplete our family.
My biological clock is ticking fast and I am feeling the pressure now.
Every time I have tried to talk to DH he just closes up and refuses pretty much to discuss any further his reasons for not wanting another dc.

If there is anyone else out there that has been in this difficult situation can you tell me how you coped or worked through things with dh? I can feel it eating away at me every day. Especially today as I am due to ovulate and say goodbye to another egg

G2B Tue 26-Aug-08 14:52:12

I want 3 or 4 kids but DP only wants 2. We have one at the moment. He said we wont be able to aford more than 2 and it's unfair on the children.

But what's better than the gift of life?

My uterus skips a beat every time my baby gurgles and I'm very much ready for a second. But we're getting married soon so I can't start trying until next June and it's driving me demented. I feel sad every time I have a period! i really want a baby now.

The other day I was walking down the road with my pram and DP was in the car driving next to me with the window down still chatting away as he was off to work. He suddenyl stopped, smiled a said 'do you fancy having another?' and I was like 'yes!' but I know we can't or I won't fit in my already ordered wedding dress.

But after I have baby number 2, I KNOW I'll want a 3rd and he won't.

It worries me.

I'm very broody.

scorpio1 Tue 26-Aug-08 14:54:58

I am a very broody woman too

dh said no to dc3 for 18 months. One day, he categorically said no way; i should stop talking about it. So i did. 2 months later, in the middle of woolworths, he told me he did want another. He now says he needed breathing space from the nagging. Dd is now 4 months - and think we will have one more soon.

Honestly though, i thought my heart would break.

sarah293 Tue 26-Aug-08 14:57:55

Message withdrawn

NotSoRampantRabbit Tue 26-Aug-08 15:03:52

We have one DS - I want another (badly), DH is really unsure.

We had a really honest conversation about it six weeks ago. DH promised to think about everything I said and talk to me again. Six weeks - nothing.

I am clear that he has to be completely into it and so am happy for him to take his time, but am worried that he has just pushed it into a corner of his mind. I don't want to keep instigating the conversation but fear I will have to.

I am very worried that he will say no. It will be very very hard for me to accept. I am 8 years younger than him and he has acknowledged that taking this away from me would be very hard on me and on our relationship.

Oh grrrrr - what to do?

chocciedooby Tue 26-Aug-08 18:30:36

Well I can't believe how broody I am!
When I have tried to talk to dh about it he has said -
- doesn't want another baby at all
- Would maybe consider it in 6 months time (confusing me)
- is happy with the 2 boys we have
- has to take financial side into account (we are lucky enough to be in the financial position to have another).
- doesn't want to delay our life as regards better holidays etc. shock

All of these comments just seem like excuses to me and I am getting confusing signals from him when he catogorically says "NO" then says "maybe in 6 months" then say "NO" again.
As for better holidays etc; we have great holidays now and these would not suffer if we had a new baby.

A pal of mine has suggested sticking pins in the condoms shock Don't worry; I wouldn't ever do this. It is just not honest and I would always have a big secret to hide.

beautifulgirls Tue 26-Aug-08 20:32:37

Eeek - your friend is asking for trouble! Much as any of us in this situation would be pleased to have a whoops imagine the conversation that would follow for a true whoops - even worse if a deliberate whoops and he finds out! Good for you sticking to behaving!!

I am definately in the same position as you. DH and I have talked about a 3rd, he says no. It has caused a lot of stress. We agreed to disagree for a few months and just not talk about it with a view to revisiting the topic at a certain time - it has given us both breathing space - me knowing I can "validly" bring the subject up again without feeling like a constant whinge at him, and him having more time to think about things and hopefully get a bit more used to the idea.

Anyway, as the "deadline" approaches to discuss it I can not get it out of my head any more and I am stressed about him saying no.

Fingers crossed for you. Some men do appear to change their minds, but I think probably the best you can do is give him space and hope.

NotSoRampantRabbit Tue 26-Aug-08 22:19:54

Well after posting this earlier I decided to bite the bullet and ask DH if he had come to any conclusions.

I have been instructed to buy frilly pants - Babies Are Go!

Will remove self from thread and wish you all good luck in getting what you want and keeping your relationships on track.

Just need to track down my libido now.


chocciedooby Wed 27-Aug-08 11:07:19

Thats great news NotSoRampantRabbit!So pleased for you.Your wait is over and now you can start baby dancing to your hearts content in the hope of concieiving.What Fun!
Good Luck to you both.

Hi Beautifulgirls.
You must be a very patient person.
May I ask how long you put it on hold and when your deadline is up?
I have tried really hard not to talk about having another to dh but after a few days I struggle blush
I am ovulating today and this is the hardest time for me.I will take your advice though and have an honest chat with dh so as we can air our thorughts and maybe put it on hold for a few months to get breathing space. Only problem there is I am 37 and I would really like a girl which I believe can take longer to concieve.

rainbowdays Wed 27-Aug-08 17:43:04

chocciedooby, I can empathise with you. I am blessed to already have 3 children. I had a boy then a girl, and thought I would not want another, but then as my dd approached a year old the broodiness started, and my dh said NO. He was happy with our two beautiful children, and did not want to rock the boat so to speak. But after a year of saying no he finally started to say yes, and although it took a while, ds2 is now with us and we could not be more happy.....
except..... I now would love to try for a sister for my dd!!! Would not mind if it was another boy either. I am just wanting to complete my family with dc4. I always wanted either 2 or 4 children, now obviously 2 is not an option I really want to go for dc4. But again dh has said NO! I am 40 and so the time left to concieve is severely limited for me now. I am so badly broody, but I know that the more I mention it the more my dh says no. Oh well, will suffer in silence and hope for now.

chocciedooby Thu 28-Aug-08 14:05:00

Can totally understand that rainbowdays.
It's great that your dh finally said yes for dc3.
Will keep fingers crossed for you to get a yes from him again for dc4!He has come around once before so there is every chance he will again.
I ovulated yesterday and last night I was woken with really intense abdominal pains.I seem to be getting these pains more and more around ovulation time and wondered what this was. I still have period type pains today.
When I mentioned it to DH he asked if I could be pgt.I said no as it has been a week since bd unprotected.Surely his sperm couldn't last that long.

beautifulgirls Fri 29-Aug-08 22:24:23

Sorry no reply sooner - computer issues
We put chatting on hold for about 3 months and September is when I get a chance to talk to him again about it. I am not usually patient, but I did have a helping factor put in with a dream family holiday with our extended family being offered to us and the timing of a new baby needing to be considered now around that so doing anything immediate became less of an option to me anyway. It doesn't stop me wanting another though. I'm nearly 38 now so time with me is ticking too for another.

Good luck - it has made us happier having a bit of breathing space even though we didn't agree. I did finish the previous conversation telling him I was not going to bring it up until September, but that I wanted him to think really hard in the meantime about getting his head around a #3 and hopefully being more positive with me about it.

chocciedooby Sat 06-Sep-08 08:56:39

Well we finally managed to have a chat about ttc No.3 this morning but it was a struggle to get dh to listen without butting in.
He is still saying no.
His main reason for not wanting another dc seemed to be financial although I feel that it is smoke cloud.He seems to be thinking more long term and is concerned about pressure of having a third.
He said that he understands my position but at the same time wasn't really "listening" to how I truly feel.
Half way through the conversation I had to see to the kids so still need to agree to disagree and maybe discuss it again in a few months time.
I have ruined my day by bringing it up as it depresses me.

chocciedooby Fri 12-Sep-08 20:10:11

Well DH may not be coming around to having no.3 dc but we have b'danced twice without protection and I was 2 days late.Got all excited only to get AF
I am leaving the whole contraception decision to dh so if I fall pregnant he cannot say I "trapped him". wink
Maybe I will be lucky next month!

myermay Fri 12-Sep-08 20:26:04

yes i'm also in this position - we have 2 and i've always wanted 3.

Dh says no, for financial reasons, we'll need a bigger car blah blah etc. Also he said he was given nothing as a child, no material things, no clubs and not much love etc and is worried that we won't have enough love to go around hmm, one will get left out and we won't be able to afford to do things with 3.

So far i've been nagging for 1 year exactly, so fingers crossed.

chocciedooby Fri 12-Sep-08 21:08:14

Hi Mayermay.
It's so good to know I am not the only one in this situation.
My DH has also mentioned finances regarding another dc but I really see this as an excuse.I think my dh just doesn't want to go through the whole baby thing again, waking in the night, teething, more tantums, difficult holidays etc. He has put babyhood behind him whereas I had dc's 1 and 2 so close together that I feel that I never had enough breathing space to thoroughly enjoy them as babies and I so badly want just 1 more.......

chankins Fri 12-Sep-08 21:20:25

Hello can I join in this broodiness conversation ?
I am very lucky to have 3 dc, dh quite happily agreed to the first 2 without any hesitation and they were born only 19 months apart. So it was a bit hectic ect for a few years, but by the time dd2 was a toddler I was yearning for another one, knowing I would love 4 or 5, as I just genuinely enjoy it all so much.

Well dh said no for a fair while, but it was mostly, no not yet, not yet....Then one day I was feeding a baby I cm'd at the time, who he took a shine to and he sudenly agreed to have one more.

We had a boy, now nearly 16 mo, and yes, yet again, I am incredibly persistently broody.

He says no, three is enough, we can't afford anymore, no space, time etc. He finds parenthood more stresful and is less patient than me, I seem to enjoy it all the time, so know I could cope easily with more.

He has agreed however that if were to win the lottery of become suddenly very rich, I could have as many as I wanted ! We don't use protection, we use withdrawal, so every month I can't help but wonder if I am accidentally pg, and very sad when not.

chocciedooby Tue 16-Sep-08 10:45:40

Hi Chankins.
Still feeling broody?
Isn't it funny how we really notice babies a lot more when we are broody. All I keep seeing are newborns, buggys, prams, etc and it's driving me demented

happyfaceschildcare Wed 17-Sep-08 14:05:15

Hi there - just had to join in the chat I am sooooo broody too !
I came off the depo injection earlier this year so didn't even think I'd get pregnant yet then was late this month and had awful sickness and sore boobs but it turns out it's just another side effect of that awful injection so now I know I'm not pregnant I really want to be am getting married next year like G2B have my wedding dress ordered so dp wont even consider trying till after the wedding but everywhere I look it's babies babies babies

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